We need to talk about sex. Urgently
Queer sex isn’t talked about enough. Durex’s new My Sex My Way campaign wants to change that.
Right now, there’s lots of reasons why people might still feel unaccepted and lack confidence when it comes sex and expressing their sexuality. Being LGBT+ is about much more than just sex, of course. But the role that physical intimacy can play in making people feel secure and happy in their identities can’t be understated.
This is something that Durex is exploring in its new campaign, My Sex My Way. The sexual wellbeing brand is conducting a UK sex survey aimed exclusively at the LGBT+ community, and plans to use the truths shared by LGBT+ people to help in its mission of championing self-acceptance for all. Durex wants to be a better ally to the queer community, and that begins with listening.
Like many LGBT+ people, Jason, 28, spent most of his twenties unlearning a lot of the shame he once associated with being gay. “For the first few years of having sex with guys, I wasn’t out of the closet. Meeting men happened on Grindr under a faceless profile, and afterwards I wouldn’t tell anyone about it. Not even my closest friends.”
Lina, 24, went through her own journey with sex after realising that she is bisexual. “You often hear stories about people who ‘always knew’ they were queer,” she says. “And I’m quite jealous of them because that wasn’t my experience at all!”.
Lina grew up in a traditional Polish household, and says she was always expected to find a boyfriend and settle down. It never crossed her mind that she might be queer, but whenever she had sex with men, it felt like the full picture was missing. “Sex changed for me two years ago when I went home with a girl from a house party. Ever since then touching people, and sex with men too, has felt so new and exciting. Something just changed.”
The pandemic has, of course, put a hold on intimacy for lots of people. For younger queer people, who’ve realised they are LGBT+ in the pandemic or not long before, there’s a whole world of queer spaces and experiences to be discovered – not least the nuances of dating while queer.
Reese, 21, had only been on two nights out to a gay club before lockdown caused queer nightlife venues to shut. He remembers the buzz that came with kissing a stranger on the dancefloor. “I can’t wait to lock eyes with a cute boy while Lady Gaga’s Chromatica is playing at 3am,” he says. “Apps are one thing, but I hope I can meet guys in the ‘real world’. I used to think it sounded shallow, but after most of two years indoors, some great sex is what I feel I deserve!”
In a time where distance feels like it’s been the norm, queer people everywhere are re-evaluating their relationships with intimacy. And it’s clear that it can be a significant part of people feeling comfortable and confident in their identities. The more conversations we have about sex, a wider range of experiences can be normalised and accepted. Because we should all have the right to enjoy sex and our sexuality on our own terms, in our own way.
Share your experiences, frustrations, thoughts and feelings with the My Sex My Way survey by clicking here, and help Durex change the way the UK talks about sex.