Music

Lady Gaga became pregnant after being raped by a producer aged 19

Josh Milton May 21, 2021
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Lady Gaga emotionally looks to the side in a green jumper

Lady Gaga opened up about her trauma. (AppleTV+)

Lady Gaga became pregnant aged 19 and suffered a “psychotic break” after being raped by a music producer, she has revealed.

Lady Gaga, now 35, bravely shared her experience of sexual assault on the first episode of Oprah Winfrey and Prince Harry’s new mental-health focused show The Me You Can’t See.

In the flashpoint of months of abuse and violence, she was forced by her rapist to take her clothing off. Refuse, Gaga was warned, and her career in music would be destroyed.

The producer then “dropped [her] off, pregnant on a corner” by her parent’s home.

Lady Gaga refuses to name her assailant, nor does she “ever want to face that person again”.

“I was 19 years old,” Gaga recalled, “and I was working in the business, and a producer said to me: ‘Take your clothes off’.

“And I said no. And I left, and they told me they were going to burn all of my music.

“And they didn’t stop. They didn’t stop asking me, and I just froze and I—I don’t even remember.”

Breaking down in tears, Gaga added: “I understand this #MeToo movement, I understand that some people feel really comfortable with this, and I do not.

“I do not ever want to face that person again. This system is so abusive, it’s so dangerous.”

Years later, Gaga grappled with a “total psychotic break” and was in an “ultra state of paranoia” as her career soared.

She cancelled many dates of her world tour as she steadily realised that her trauma from the abuse had resurfaced.

“I [couldn’t] feel my own body,” she said.

“First I felt full-on pain, then I felt numb, and then I was sick for weeks after.

“I realised that it was the same pain that I felt when the person who raped me dropped me off pregnant on a corner [by] my parent’s house because I was vomiting and sick.

“Because I had been being abused, and I was locked away in a studio for months.”

Gaga said it took her years to recover.

“For a couple years, I was not the same girl,” she said. “The way that I feel when I feel pain was how I felt after I was raped.

“I’ve had so many MRIs and scans where they don’t find nothing. But your body remembers.”

Lady Gaga bravely discusses impulses of self-harm

Lady Gaga also explained that she has self-harmed since she was “really young” and that many of her mental health struggles stem from the trauma she faced as a young, hopeful musician.

All it takes is for her to be “triggered once” to slip back into the physical and emotional pain, she said, something that happened when she won the Oscar for A Star is Born in 2019.

“Even if I have six brilliant months, all it takes is getting triggered once to feel bad,” she added. “And when I say I feel bad, I mean I want to cut.

“Think about dying. Wondering if I’m ever going to do it. I learned all the ways to pull myself out of it.

“You know why it’s not good to cut?” she added. “You know why it’s not good to throw yourself against the wall?

“You know why it’s not good to self-harm? Because it makes you feel worse.

“You think you’re going to feel better because you’re showing somebody: ‘Look, I’m in pain.’ It doesn’t help.”

Healing, Gaga stressed, is a process. She has come to “learn all the ways to pull myself out of it” and it has “all started to slowly change”.

The “Bad Romance” hitmaker previously opened up to Oprah in 2020 about the fragility of her mental health and the post-traumatic stress disorder she carries from being “raped repeatedly” as a teenager.

“I just didn’t stop moving and working and dancing through insurmountable pain,” she explained.

“And I’d rather face that, those five years, because they made me who I am.”

Rape Crisis England and Wales works towards the elimination of sexual violence. If you’ve been affected by the issues raised in this story, you can access more information on their website or by calling the National Rape Crisis Helpline on 0808 802 9999.

Rape Crisis Scotland’s helpline number is 08088 01 03 02.

Readers in the US are encouraged to contact RAINN, or the National Sexual Assault Hotline on 800-656-4673.

 

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