Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck film about a straight man seducing a lesbian is somehow worse than it sounds
Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck are rumoured to be reuniting, which is great news for everyone who isn’t scarred by the horror that is Gigli.
The couple are believed to be rekindling “Bennifer” after E! News reported they’d spent a romantic week alone in Montana together, as exes do.
“It’s natural between them, and the chemistry is unreal,” an inside source said. “They picked up where they last left off and are enjoying each other’s company right now.”
Unfortunately for us all, where they last left off is 2003 box office bomb Gigli.
The jaw-dropping mess of a film saw Affleck star as Larry Gigli, an errand boy for a tough-talking LA mobster, while Lopez played Ricki, a new-age lesbian gangster who’s really, really into vagina. Just so we’re all aware.
Despite this important fact – which is explored at length in matching monologues about the penis and vagina – Lopez and Affleck’s characters somehow develop an undeniable sexual chemistry that drives the entire movie.
Whole scenes are dedicated to Larry’s desperate attempts to prove he’s the solution to Ricki’s sexual “affliction”, including this one where we see a grown man tear his heart out because he can’t bear the sexual frustration of a “dykeosaurus rex”.
But because the power of Bennifer is stronger than mere plot logic, let alone a basic understanding of human sexuality, the couple inevitably end up in bed together.
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Which explains (but certainly does not excuse) horrifying lines like this one. Viewer discretion advised.
As there is some justice in the world, Gigli turned out to be a huge flop and is broadly considered one of the worst movies of all time.
The film scored just six per cent on Rotten Tomatoes with critics dubbing it “bizarre and clumsily plotted”, “beyond the cringe”, “a mess” and “a huge waste of celluloid”.
It only managed to gross a total of $7.2 million against a $75.6 million budget, ending director Martin Brest’s film career and preceding Ben and Jen’s split by about five months.
It’s a testament to Jennifer Lopez’s sheer star quality that she remains a timeless gay icon in spite of this – but if Bennifer do rekindle their romance, we can only hope their shared film career stays firmly in the noughties where it belongs.
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