‘Man-hating, demonic rage machine’ chihuahua desperately needs a lesbian couple to adopt him
If you’re a lesbian that has always dreamed of owning a “a haunted Victorian child in the body of a small dog”, then Prancer might be the chihuahua for you.
After months of trying to make Prancer sound “palatable” to potential adopters, 25-year-old animal foster carer Tyfanee Fortuna from New Jersey decided to post a brutally honest adoption ad for the “13 pound rage machine”.
She wrote on Facebook: “There’s not a very big market for neurotic, man-hating, animal-hating, children-hating dogs that look like gremlins.
“But I have to believe there’s someone out there for Prancer, because I am tired and so is my family.
“Every day we live in the grips of the demonic Chihuahua hellscape he has created in our home.”
Prancer, who is just two years old, began his life with an elderly woman who “treated him like a human and never socialised him”, which turned him into a “neurotic mess”.
“Prancer came to me obese, wearing a cashmere sweater, with a bacon egg n cheese stuffed in his crate with him,” Fortuna said.
“I should have known in that moment this dog would be a problem.”
Ok, I’ve tried. I’ve tried for the last several months to post this dog for adoption and make him sound…palatable. The…
Although he was “terrified” when he first arrived in foster care, his true personality soon emerged.
Fortuna wrote: “I was excited to see him come out of his shell and become a real dog.
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“I am convinced at this point he is not a real dog, but more like a vessel for a traumatised Victorian child that now haunts our home.”
The chihuahua categorically hates men, children and other animals, so his “ideal home would be with a single woman, a mother and daughter, or a lesbian couple”.
Prancer does, fortunately, have some positive attributes – he is “loyal beyond belief”, he “smiles” when he’s excited, and is completely housebroken.
Fortuna was sure to point out, however, that Prancer is “only two years old and will probably live to be 21 through pure spite, so take that into account if you’re interested”.
Her honest description of Prancer has gone viral, and has been shared almost 50,000 times. Although the post’s popularity has led to many more applications to adopt the “neurotic mess” of a chihuahua, he has not yet found his forever home.
This is not the first time Fortuna has fostered an unnerving chihuahua – in 2017 she took in a tiny “survivalist” named Rumpelstiltskin who lived for two weeks after the death of his owner by eating his corpse.
Related topics: lesbian