Cara Delevingne felt homophobic and suicidal before finally embracing her sexuality
Cara Delevingne has revealed that she battled internalised homophobia and suicidal thoughts for years before finally embracing her sexuality.
The 28-year-old gender-fluid model and actor came out as pansexual in an interview with Variety in June 2020, saying: “I fall in love with the person – and that’s that.”
Now, Cara Delevingne has spoken candidly about her early years in a recent interview on Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop podcast.
“I grew up in an old-fashioned household,” she explained. “I didn’t know anyone who was gay. I didn’t know that was a thing and actually, I think growing up… I wasn’t knowledgeable of the fact I was homophobic.
“The idea of being [with] same-sex [partners], I was disgusted by that, in myself. I was like, ‘Oh, my God, I would never. That’s disgusting, ugh.'”
Delevingne has previously spoken about her struggle with depression, which began at age 15 when she discovered her mother’s drug addiction.
She can now see that her internalised homophobia and the sense of shame it brought was a major factor in her mental health.
“I do correlate the massive depression and the suicidal moments of my life [to being queer] because I was so ashamed of ever being that,” she said.
The Suicide Squad star described her sexuality as “constantly changing,” and revealed that she still doubts herself from time to time.
“There is still a part of me where I’m like, ‘Oh, I wish I could just be straight.’ There is still that side to it. It is really complicated,” she admitted.
“But actually that was the part of me that I [now] love so much and accept.”
Delevingne went on to discuss her own modelling career and how she found a more androgynous style. “I was so unhappy and I wasn’t following my truth, especially in terms of being a model,” she said.
“That whole thing of having to fit into the box – I’m an androgynous person. I love being a woman and dressing up and doing all that, but I also love being a rough and tumble ‘man’.
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“I feel so much more comfortable in the fluidity of what it is to be just a human and to be an animal, almost, because that’s what we are. To trust in your own instincts.”
Delevingne is expected to open up further in an upcoming six-part BBC documentary on sexuality, Planet Sex.
The deeply personal series that will see the star “put her mind and body on the line” as she explores the biggest questions on human sexuality.
In a press release for the show she said: “I can only imagine what having a series like this would have meant to the 14-year-old me who struggled to understand feelings that were seen as non-conventional or different.
“If our series helps one young person have an easier conversation with their parents, we will have achieved one of our many goals in making this series.”
Suicide is preventable. Readers who are affected by the issues raised in this story are encouraged to contact Samaritans on 116 123 (www.samaritans.org), or Mind on 0300 123 3393 (www.mind.org.uk). Readers in the US are encouraged to contact the National Suicide Prevention Line on 1-800-273-8255.