Phillip Schofield admits he is still ‘struggling’ and ‘sometimes has doubts’ eight months after coming out
Phillip Schofield has admitted that his mental health is a “work in progress” after coming out as gay this year, and said he still “sometimes has doubts” about his decision.
This Morning presenter Schofield, a father to two daughters, came out in February this year in a lengthy Instagram post saying his family support him wholly.
Schofield talks candidly about his coming out process and his current mental health struggles in his new autobiography, Life’s What You Make It, explaining that he sees a therapist and takes medication.
He writes: “My mental health is still a work in progress. I talk regularly to a professional team who tell me that everything will be OK.
“Sometimes I have my doubts. If I’m totally honest with you, as I’ve said before, it’s not in my nature to hurt people and so, with that in mind, I’m finding it hard to pick my way through the debris.
“Is there a way to reveal a secret like this to the world and not hurt your wife or your family? The answer is obviously not. But we are close and loving. We’ll get through.”
Discussing his adjustment to being out, Schofield wrote: “Am I struggling with it all? Very much. I’m wearing new clothes, but they don’t quite fit. Maybe I’ll grow into them.
“I still have dark days full of confusion, days when wading through life would be easier if the water wasn’t at chest height.”
Phillip Schofield turned to prescription pills to ‘take the edge off’ while struggling with his sexuality.
Although Phillip Schofield still has “doubts” over his decision to come out as gay, his autobiography also reveals the massive toll remaining in the closet took on his mental health.
“It’s like being inside the blackest cloud and being consumed by crushing, desperate sadness,” he wrote, recalling his nightly insomnia. “Nothing and no one can make it better.”
The presenter said he was struggling to sleep more than two hours each night and turned to prescription pills to “take the edge off”. His pain was so great that he refused to eat, despite the best efforts of his wife, and soon became worryingly thin.
It finally reached a point where he knew he had no choice but to come out, as he explained on Thursday’s (October 15) The One Show.
“If not, the secret was going to give me a total breakdown… at best.”