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Aggressively horny estate agent tries to sell apartment as the ideal orgy spot and it’s safe to say people are confused

Josh Milton August 14, 2020
Horny estate agent tries to sell apartment as the ideal orgy spot

A one-bedroom in New York City is the perfect place to hide in closets and 'romp and play', apparently. (Street Easy)

As much as realtors often excel at marking up shoeboxes into mansions, this one listing in New York not only captures the city’s ballooned rental market but the one feeling that arguably unites us all during the coronavirus pandemic: Being relentlessly horny.

As vacancy rates rocket in New York City to their highest level in 14 years, it seems this one realtor has resorted to brand this seriously hot Upper West Side property as an ideal orgy spot, complete with suggesting that the next tenant invites, er, really good friends over to the “sexy” apartment to “romp and play all night”.

According to screenshots of the since-changed listing shared on Reddit, the one-bedroom is being flogged by real estate agency Kylm Llc. And it seems the brokers there are pretty eager to get the city’s rental market shooting up once again.

‘Sexy’ apartment is perfect for ‘dutty guests’ to take part in  ‘communal games’, says horny estate agent.

No time for a preamble – or should we say foreplay? – in this listing, as it immediately sets the scene: “HIDE AND SEEK (adult style).”

Maybe go hide in a church sometime.

“A sexy king-size one bedroom where you’ll find four, very large closets in which you can hide from your very, naughty playmate,” the listed continued.

“And should you be lucky enough to be found, the two of you can retreat to the king-size bedroom where you both can romp and play, all night.

The ‘stadium-sized’ living room. (Street Easy)

“Tired of playing with only the two of you? Well then, invite many more dutty guests to partake in communal games, held in your stadium-sized living room.”

The climax of the listing copy arguably came in the form of the agent’s attempt to swing the apartment’s windows. “However, be mindful not to let your guests stay past dawn though, else they’ll be sure to be beamed at by glaring sunlight; not good for the walk of shame,” it reads.

The full listing, since dialled down by the realtors. (Reddit)
The full listing, since dialled down by the realtors. (Reddit)

The horny listing, however, doesn’t quite touch on the apartment’s kitchen. While restaurants are gingerly re-opening in New York, for those interested in a different kind of eating out, the apartment sports a high-rise kitchen for those hoping to turn the heat up.

We, for one, really hope the agent who gives a tour of this place doesn’t shine a black light on it. The pad can be yours for $2,500, to be paid upfront.

Now, the realtor playbook isn’t exactly known for its accuracy, considering this “stadium-sized” living room is 15’6″ by 11′ and, according to the floor plan, appears to only have two closets. But the listing goes against the city’s safe sex guide, written up by health officials in June.

In it, the health department recommends New Yorkers, amid the coronavirus pandemic, get “a little kinky” by using glory holes and hooking-up in “larger, more open and well-ventilated spaces” (read: dogging).

But since the listing was shared online, the website copy has been dialled-back. It now reads: “Stadium-sized living room, four spacious closets, a kitchen you can actually cook and eat in, Southern and Eastern windows, all about, cheap.

“That’s all, folks.”

More: New York, New York City, orgy, Sex, US

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