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Weddings

A mother set aside $20,000 for her bisexual daughter’s wedding. When she got engaged to another woman, she refused to help

Lily Wakefield July 6, 2020
Bisexual wedding

The mother was "upset" when her daughter came out as bisexual, but she was sure it was "just a phase". (Envato)

A mother who set aside $20,000 for her bisexual daughter’s wedding refused to help her when she got engaged to another woman.

The mother posted on the sub-Reddit “Am I the A*shole?”, which describes itself as “a catharsis for the frustrated moral philosopher in all of us, and a place to finally find out if you were wrong”.

She said that she and her husband had been saving for their daughter’s college fund since she was born, but when she got a scholarship that covered most of her expenses, they had around $20,000 left over.

They offered to simply give it to her, but her daughter asked if they would save it for her wedding, and they agreed.

But, she continued: “About four years ago my daughter came out as bisexual and started dating a girl, this shocked us a lot because we never saw her as the type.”

The mother did not elaborate on what this “type” was, but said she and her husband “were really upset because we loved the idea of her having a husband and a family, grandchildren for us”.

She added: “We thought it was just a phase but four years later they are still together and they got engaged last month.”

Mum swears she isn’t a homophobe, just doesn’t want her daughter to marry a woman.

When the happy couple started planning out their wedding budget, they factored in the money that had been set aside. But, when consulted, the mother decided they were now using the money “for renovations”.

She continued: “We were upfront and said we agreed for her to use that money under the assumption she was marrying a man.

“Her girlfriend got very upset and started calling us homophobic, and my daughter just sat there letting her go off at us.

“Then my daughter said: ‘That money was mine and I had it all planned out to use it towards the wedding.'”

The mother said they had saved it for a “specific use”, which was heterosexual marriage.

I respect same-sex couples it is just not what I wanted for my daughter.

“I think she is being very ungrateful,” she said, “but my other daughter has now turned on us as well and said we are terrible parents.

“I am not homophobic I respect same-sex couples it is just not what I wanted for my daughter.”

Reddit not impressed with mother’s stance.

She asked the sub-Reddit whether she was “the a**hole” in the situation, and the response was unsurprising.

One commenter wrote: “Generally I’m all aboard the ‘mom and dad aren’t responsible for paying for your big wedding, gifts are lovely but shouldn’t be expected’ train.

“But this isn’t about the money, which [the mother] has and was willing to hand over at any point in time prior to now.

“It’s about refusing to support her daughter because she’s marrying a woman.”

Others blasted the parents choosing “renovations” over supporting their bisexual daughter and her wedding.

“I hope she enjoys her home renovations more than her relationship with her daughter,” said one commenter, “because she’s going to be enjoying them alone – this will probably cost her her relationships with both her daughters, as it should.

“Good on the sister for being actually supportive and loving and sticking up for her.”

Another wrote: “Oh you like the cabinets? Thank you, we think they paired nicely with the lack of our daughter’s presence.

“The backsplash? The designer called it homophobic hematite.”

More: aita, bisexual, daughter, grandchildren, homophobic, parents, reddit, same sex marriage, wedding

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