Dustin Lance Black says he and husband Tom Daley are raising their son without ‘bizarre limits’ on gender
Dustin Lance Black has opened up about how he and husband Tom Daley are raising their two-year-old son, Robbie, and their call to ditch the “bizarre limits” of gender.
Black, 46, told the Some Families podcast about what parenting under lockdown has been like for him and Daley, 26. The filmmaker stressed that they plan to defy the typical pastel blue route for their son and just let him be, well, himself.
Chatting to parenting podcasters Lotte Jeffs and Stu Oakley, Black described how important it is to them to teach Robbie about queer history and even revealed how he and Daley broke one of the golden rules of a first date.
Dustin Lance Black and Tom Daley broke the cardinal rule of first dates.
“I want our son to be proud of his gay dads,” the Milk screenwriter said, “I want him to know where he fits in history.
“I want gay and lesbian parents to be able to share our proud histories with our children. It will lift them.”
He continued: “I think in a big way, the women’s rights movement and the LGBT movement are linked with the idea that gender shall not determined destiny.
“Our gay brothers need to stand up for women and when it comes to parenting, it just means not setting these bizarre limits based on these [gender stereotypical] constructs that are completely unnatural.”
The couple have come leaps and bounds from the time they met in 2013, where an evening of awkward glances led to a tender relationship and now, a family.
“When I met Tom on our first date the idea of a family came up and I wasn’t leading the conversation,” Black reflected.
“He was. And not only did we both discover that we really wanted a family, but we broke another, if not all, of the first date rules and began naming our children on that bike ride.
“In fact, our first son has the name that we chose on that day, on our first date.”
Black and Daley welcomed Robbie in 2018, who was born in the US via a surrogate. They both donated sperm and are in the dark over who the biological father is.
“Adoption is still very much an option. I encourage people, to embrace it as an option,” Black pondered two years since the birth of his son.
“As we continue to build our family, I will be prepared to do it in the future.”
Dustin Lance Black hopes he’s ‘not normal’ as he urged queer folk to ‘sparkle’.
Black also reflected on how his and Daley’s relationship is could be considered a blueprint of normality – the sparks flying, the wedding, the child.
“I hope I’m not normal,” he said, “I think normal is so boring.
“I don’t even know that I know a single normal person. What the hell is normal? We’re all different.
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“So where are these people who are the same as each other? I don’t know where they are. In terms of becoming heteronormative, it shouldn’t be forced upon anyone to get married and have kids.
“We didn’t fight for marriage equality because we thought that all gay people should go get married.
“Let your gorgeous sparkling, very, very different flag fly.
“There are some of us who really want to raise kids and it’s really compelling that the idea of gay parents is now quote-unquote ‘normal’,”