‘Straight’ guy discovers under lockdown that he’s attracted to men – but doesn’t want to be gay

Patrick Kelleher May 28, 2020
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Man gay bisexual coronavirus COVID-19

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Coronavirus lockdown means that many people have more time to think than they did before. For one man, this means he has ample time to ponder his sexuality.

The man wrote anonymously to a queer Chicago Tribune advice columnist because he has started feeling attracted to other guys in coronavirus lockdown – and he is worried that he might be gay.

In the letter, 32-year-old explains that he has only been in two real relationships and both were with women.

“Over my life I have been attracted to girls (love at first sight with girls in high school, affairs with girls, etc). However, I never felt the urge to be in a relationship with a girl – until now, with social pressure and all my friends getting married.”

But he was thrown a curveball when, all of a sudden, he started getting the hots for other guys during lockdown.

I don’t want to be gay.

“I have started to feel more attraction to guys (even when masturbating), although there were also some small signs that I repressed when younger,” he said.

The man has been taken “by surprise” by his same-sex sexual fantasies.

“So, I’m asking myself if I’m gay and if that’s why I am not interested in a relationship with a girl,” he asked.

He went on to question if it might be “temporary” or if (ding ding ding!) he might actually be bisexual but able to “deal with that side of me that I don’t really want”.

“I don’t want to be gay. I always imagined myself with a woman and having kids. What’s wrong with me?” he closed out his letter.

The advice columnist recommended that he explore his sexuality to better understand it.

Advice columnist Anna Pulley told the man that the only way he can come to better understand his sexuality is if he explores.

“To that end, I encourage you to (safely, and when it’s feasible to do so) tap into those desires. Go on some dates with men. And see how that feels.”

She told the man that he will “likely experience some unpleasantness around this” due to internalised anti-LGBT+ feelings.

She closed out her response by extolling the virtues of being queer.

“I know it’s hard and scary and the world can be lonely and unforgiving, but it’s also epic and beautiful and surprising in ways we can’t imagine until we open our eyes to them.”

She told him that he doesn’t need to label himself if he doesn’t want to – and added that he only needs to be “curious and willing”.

Related topics: Chicago Tribune

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