Woman realises the ‘man of her dreams’ is a racist, homophobic bigot, but isn’t sure whether to end it. Yes, really
A woman who found out the “man of her dreams” was actually a racist, homophobic bigot felt the need to write to an agony aunt because she wasn’t sure whether to leave him.
The woman wrote to the Hamilton Spectator‘s advice column “Ask Ellie” with her conundrum.
She said: “A year ago I met the man of my dreams: he’s intelligent, compassionate, funny, generous, ambitious and attractive.
“When he uttered his first racist comment, I was shocked. I didn’t respond and considered it a one-off.”
While she was willing to brush off a “one-off racist comment” (yes, really), she admitted that “several more have followed”.
She continued: “When I tell him how upset these comments make me, he says that he doesn’t really mean them and that I’m too sensitive.”
As if the racism wasn’t enough reason to break up, she then found out from a friend that her boyfriend had been “reprimanded at work for homophobic comments”.
She added: “Just recently he posted a horrible and racist joke on social media.
“I’m heartbroken that the man I thought of as my Mr Right is a bigot. Do I end it?”
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Agony aunt Ellie was quick to say exactly what we were all thinking: “Yes. End it.”
She told the woman that her boyfriends racist and homophobic comments were emerging “from the negativity raging just below the surface of what a good guy he appears to be”.
Ellie continued: “Racism, homophobia, misogyny, bigotry, anti-semitism, Islamophobia … whatever can be blamed on ‘those others’ … they’re part of him.
“He uses ‘just-joking’ excuses and the bully pulpit of social media to spread his venom. Thank your good fortune that he couldn’t hide it from you any longer.”
She made the important point that by staying, the woman was accepting or even agreeing with what he was saying.
She added: “Unfair? We are judged by the lowest denominator of what we accept… You’re disappointed in him.
“And in the false hopes you had for a happy future with him, before you knew the reality of his judgments and blame.
“But that disappointment is nothing to what you’d feel if you don’t end this relationship now.”