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Bottoms, assemble! You can now get a Lady Gaga Chromatica jockstrap

Josh Milton May 12, 2020
Lady Gaga has released a Chromatica jockstrap, truly giving the gays everything they want. (Twitter/Lady Gaga)

Lady Gaga has released a Chromatica jockstrap, truly giving the gays everything they want. (Twitter/Lady Gaga)

It was once written that Lady Gaga said: “Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

This is the confidence we have in approaching Gaga – that if we ask anything according to her will, she hears us.

And hear us she did. Lady Gaga heard our prayers – for a Chromatica-themed jockstrap – and, boy, did she deliver.

Gaga dropped a new capsule collection of merchandise May 12, and in that bounty came an electric pink jockstrap with “Chromatica” printed above the crotch.

The “Stupid Love” hitmaker’s tweet announcing them came paired with a 90s-styled newspaper ad, fitting with the sixth studio album’s Y2K aesthetic, with the word “Energy” printed in bold.

Beautiful. We, for one, cannot even begin to comprehend that Gaga just invented bottoming.

Lady Gaga Chromatica jockstrap: Four words the gays prayed to be able to type one day’

For days people prayed for a hot-pink jockstrap to go with their newly pre-ordered Gaga thong and Gaga briefs.

Now fans can fully embrace the lifestyles of those who live on Chromatica. Sipping tea with their Chromatica mugs, wearing their Chromatica bandana, sleeping on their, er, Chromatica pillow and giving undeserving relatives Chromatica socks and Chromatica keychains for the holidays.

Capitalism truly does make dreams come true. Even on the planet Chromatica!

Anyway, back on Earth, the gays did their duty in serving Gaga by rightly going wild and buying the jockstrap which comes coupled with a digital download of the upcoming album.

RuPaul’s Drag Race girl Jan Sport did her part.

As did Walking Dead star Daniel Newman, the new poster boy of being horny on main all the time. Seriously, all the time.

And some fans had some, er, suggestions on which direction to take her merchandise next, all sinful things considering.

Anyway, us lowly denizens of Earth may not be able to don our Gaga jockstraps for Pride this year, but buying at least seven of them – one for each day of the lockdown week, despite the fact that time no longer exists anymore – seems more than sensible.

 

More: Chromatica, jockstrap, lady gaga, lg6, merchandise, Music, Twitter

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