Sex and the City’s Kim Cattrall really wants you to remember the time she got horny for Super Mario
Grab a glass of water and settle your stomach because we have some very hard pills for you to swallow: Kim Cattrall got horny for Mario, yup, that beloved virtual plumber, and does not want you to ever forget that.
No, this is no an Onion article. But we well and truly wish it was.
The Sex and the City star fronted a Nintendo advertisement for its then-new game, Super Mario World 3D Land, back in 2012.
In 24 seconds, she makes some, er, suggestive comments towards the video gaming mascot. The clip resurfaced on Twitter Wednesday morning and sparked Cattrall herself to even agree.
“I’ll always find time for Mario” https://t.co/CjUOJU05Ya
— Kim Cattrall (@KimCattrall) May 6, 2020
That’s history right there.
Kim Cattrall says she’s always up for spending ‘a few minutes or a few hours’ with Mario.
“I’ve discovered a new way of enjoying my spare time,” Cattrall sensually spoke in the ad, “I go on magical adventures with a certain Mario,” showing her playing the 3DS video game.
As Mario bashes Goombas and collects coins, she comments: “And guess what?
“He totally into dressing up.”
We don’t remember this episode of Sex and the City.
“That tanooki suit is my particular favourite,” she says as tanooki Mario slides down a poll… a flag poll, to clarify here.
“There are many men in my life,” Cattrall says as she tucks a DS into her handbag, “but for a few minutes, or a few hours, I’ll always have time for Mario.”
Historians in the year 3,020 will no doubt study this advert as the exact moment all of humanity collectively saw a video and said in unison: “That’s enough internet for the day.”
Reactions online were precisely as you’d expect.
I love that Kim Cattrall’s brand is just being incredibly horny. Can you imagine the phone call that led to this:
“Hi, Kim, we’d like you to advertise our extremely PG, family-friendly Italian plumber franchise.”
“Sure, can I make it sound like I want him to.. plumb my depths?” pic.twitter.com/McL0BBdP7S
— Seb Jones (@big_cheddars) May 6, 2020
you know what they say about tanuki 😳
— Comcasto Delenda Est (@Yawgmothstrust) May 6, 2020
as established in the super mario bros. movie, mario is an absolute chick magnet. a veritable sex god. https://t.co/b1ZUsKHdcR
— 〽️ax krieger, the game dev you should hire (@MaxKriegerVG) May 6, 2020
— Art Or Not Art (@ArtDecider) May 6, 2020
RIP my brain, now irredeemably broken https://t.co/xsRauBtkMq
— Luke Savage (@LukewSavage) May 6, 2020
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But as we watched Cattrall get horny on main for a video games character who jumps from coin to coin we couldn’t help but wonder… Is her attraction to a money-driven plumber no different than our fetishisation of economic wealth and capitalist greed?
Perhaps we’re all, deep down, horny for Mario.