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Teacher and ‘LGBT ally’ loves her boyfriend but is ‘hesitant’ to buy a house with him because he ‘hates gay people’

Lily Wakefield March 25, 2020
boyfriend hates gay people

The woman said her "kind" and "caring" boyfriend hates gay people. (Envato)

A teacher and supposed “LGBT ally” has said she is in love with her boyfriend but is “hesitant” about buying a house with him because he “hates gay people”.

The woman from Illinois wrote to the Santa Rosa’s Press Gazette’s ‘Dear Abby’ column to explain her dilemma.

She said she had previously been in an abusive relationship, but broke it off 14 years ago and stayed single to raise her “small son to adulthood”.

She finally found someone she had “strong feelings” for, and who felt the same about her, around seven months ago.

The woman wrote: “My feelings for my boyfriend are strong, and it’s mutual. He is giving, kind, caring, hardworking and protective. We are very much in love.

“He tells me he feels like he can be himself around me, something he has never had before. I’ve never had anyone care so much about my well-being. We talk about everything and differ on only one point so far.”

However, it appeared that his “kind” and “giving” personality did not extend to all, and that “one point” turned out to be a fairly massive one.

She said: “I’m in education and an LGBT+ ally. He feels strongly that nature dictates that only a man and a woman belong together, and he says he hates gay people.”

She attempted to defend her boyfriend by saying that they “both grew up in very small, conservative communities”, however if she still identifies as an ally then it is unclear what this has to do with anything.

The woman said she wanted to “continue to love and support” her partner, but also said that now her son was grown up that she wants to “use my experiences to be a stronger voice on education issues regarding tolerance and improving learning outcomes for all by instilling conflict resolution principles in my educational practices”.

She asked agony aunt Abby: “Should I tell my boyfriend I understand where he’s coming from based upon where and how we were raised?

“Do you think down the road our basic principles will drive us apart?

“We have been talking about buying a house in the country together, although neither of us has intentions of marriage anytime soon.”

The disappointing reply from Abby read: “You should absolutely talk to your boyfriend about your plan to become an outspoken LGBT+ ally and more active in your profession.

“When you become more visible, do you plan to separate your career and your personal life? It appears you are willing (and able) to respect him, and understand why he feels the way he does.

“But is he willing to do the same for you, and will his conservative convictions negatively affect how you plan to live your life?”

It remains unclear how the woman will be able to “respect” and “understand” her homophobic boyfriend and be an LGBT+ ally at the same time.

Abby did however give one useful piece of advice: “It is VERY important that this issue be resolved BEFORE investing in real estate with him – as well as any more precious time.”

More: advice, agony aunt, boyfriend, Dear Abby, gay people, homophobic, Illinois, lgbt ally

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