Coronavirus meets its match as Centre for Disease Control unveils a ‘sensible-looking lesbian’
As coronavirus panic intensifies around the world, it’s comforting to know that there’s a competent lesbian on the job.
Many Americans are feeling understandably nervous given that their country’s response to the coronavirus is in the hands of Mike Pence, a man who continued to oppose needle exchange programs during the largest HIV outbreak in Indiana state history.
But this week Twitter users breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of a sensible-looking lesbian working for the Centre for Disease Control and Prevention.
“First relief I’ve felt on the US COVID-19 response is the CDC posting this picture from their emergency operations centre showing there is at least one lesbian with a keychain neck lanyard that jangles when she walks on the job,” wrote Twitter user Tabor Bain.
first relief I’ve felt on the US COVID-19 response is the CDC posting this picture from their emergency operations center showing there is at least one lesbian with a keychain neck lanyard that jangles when she walks on the job pic.twitter.com/IZhZLbCGH4
— taber טבור (@taber) March 9, 2020
In case you thought this responsible lesbian couldn’t possibly get any more responsible, a closer inspection reveals the words on her lanyard: “CDC Disease Detective Camp: Get Exposed!”
Bain’s hilarious tweet was met with an outpouring of love as people shared their appreciation for the woman and all the other no-nonsense lesbians in their lives.
I actually am comforted to know this. I have never known a lesbian that didn’t work ten times harder than everyone else, or who cared more about doing the best job. Women are awesome…too bad we won’t be having one as POTUS this time.
— Bigbottom100 (@ROBBINCWOOD1) March 10, 2020
most comforting haircut since the epidemic began ? someone tell me she’s single
— Diogenetta (@PhD_femme) March 9, 2020
Oh thank god. If she has a second set of keys carabinered to a belt loop we’re gonna have a vaccine in like 48 hours
— Dr Meghan “Terfs Out Of Hogwarts” Purvis (@meghanpurvis) March 9, 2020
Changing all my emergency contacts to her.
— Juror No. 59 (@Jen_Grinnell) March 10, 2020
our lives are in her hands which are free thanks to her lanyard!
— ?［Sᵃ,M］? (@SamuelMrcr) March 9, 2020
I’m envisioning a room filled with keychain neck lanyard wearing lesbians holding hands in a circle solving basically anything with their/our almighty power ✊
— Lara Mulady (@laramulady) March 9, 2020
“This is the very first time a post I’ve done has taken off and I have not muted it almost immediately on realising that was happening because the @-s are absolutely delightful and full of lesbians who should all date,” Bain wrote.
“Additionally every person that’s been like ‘how do you know she’s a lesbian how DARE you make assu-‘ has been promptly met by a firm butch going, ‘Hon, she’s family. I am not going to explain this to you,'” he joked.
But it wasn’t long before the legend herself, Jen Bornemann, appeared on the thread. While she didn’t comment on her sexuality, her Twitter bio reveals her to be a proud aunt, social worker, marathoner, and a three-time Ironman Triathlon competitor to boot.
“Proudly fighting the good fight with my lanyard,” she told her fans, followed by a helpful reminder to fight coronavirus by washing your hands, please.