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Gay guy slams his brother for ‘sabotaging’ his coming out moment by not acting surprised

Lily Wakefield February 5, 2020
coming out moment

The man accused his brother of "sabotaging" his coming out moment by not seeming shocked enough. (Envato)

A gay man accused his little brother of “sabotaging” his coming out moment because he didn’t act surprised enough, and the internet has thoughts.

The younger brother posted the story on the subreddit ‘Am I the A**hole’, a community on the social media platform Reddit which describes itself as: “A catharsis for the frustrated moral philosopher in all of us, and a place to finally find out if you were wrong in an argument that’s been bothering you.”

The 22-year-old said his brother, 24, planned to come out to their entire family at Christmas, but that “basically everybody knew he was gay already”.

However, he seemed to have based his assumptions about his brother’s sexuality on outdated stereotypes about gay men.

He wrote: “My brother all his life has enjoyed stereotypical ‘girly’ things and has never shown any romantic interest in women.

“His friend group was always girls in school he was usually the only guy in the clique. Not to mention in high school he became very effeminate, like stereotypical Hollywood gay character effeminate.”

But he added: “I’ve never had any issue with this of course I love my brother for who he is along with the rest of the family. It was common knowledge he’s very gay and we just figured he’d tell us when the time is right for him.”

But when Christmas came around, his brother approached him alone to reveal the news, as he wanted to tell him before the rest of the family.

However when the poster seemed unsurprised, his brother refused to accept that he had had his suspicions and “got pissed and said the least [he] could do was be happy for him”.

When his brother came out to the rest of the family at dinner, they all congratulated him.

But, he wrote, two weeks later: “My brother texts and says I’m an a**hole because I must have told our parents after our discussion, and that their reaction was super fake, and that I spoiled the most important moment in his life ‘out of spite’.

“I tried to explain that I hadn’t done that but he kept going on about how I tried to ‘sabotage’ his big moment.”

While most commenters agreed that the poster was “not the a**hole”, they suggested that maybe he wasn’t seeing things from his brother’s point of view.

One wrote: “Please understand that coming out is incredibly stressful… [LGBT+ people] have worked so hard to hide, that it is only natural to feel finally revealing yourself is a big deal.”

Another person made the point that because LGBT+ people face so much discrimination, his brother may have expected a difference reaction and could be in shock.

They wrote: “Tell him you’re sorry you didn’t react the way he thought you would… That you get that he may not have known or accepted it about himself, that he was ready for shock, argument, or confrontation. But he isn’t going to get that from you.”

“One commenter summed up the perfect advice on how to react when a loved one comes out: “Hug the person, thank them for being honest with you, and tell them you love them.”

More: aita, coming out moment, reddit

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