Globe Icon


and support
LGBT+ journalism


This guy thinks his wife is gay because she has ‘intense friendships’ with other women. Yes, really

Patrick Kelleher February 3, 2020
bookmarking iconBookmark Article
Man wife gay

Photo by Yuri Levin on Unsplash

A man has come to the conclusion that his wife is gay because she has “intense friendships” with other women, and we are so, so tired.

The man wrote anonymously to a relationships expert at The Irish Times looking for advice after his sister-in-law made a “drunken throwaway comment” that convinced him his wife is living a lie.

He didn’t say what that comment was, but went on to say that he now believes he has acted as a “beard” for his wife for years.

The man believes his wife’s ‘all-consuming’ friendships suggest that she is secretly gay.

Writing in his letter, he said he “should have known something wasn’t right” because of his wife’s “friendships with other women, usually one all-consuming best friend, who was always either single or in a dysfunctional marriage.”

He went on to claim that his wife’s activities with female friends, including spa weekends, theatre trips and skiing holidays point to her lingering lesbianism.

Even if we take a giant, erroneous leap, maybe your wife is bisexual and some of her friendships include some crush energy.

Finally, he concludes that his wife must be a lesbian because of her “non-demanding” attitude when it comes to sex.

Thankfully, the relationships expert told the man that his conclusion was irrational – and also reminded him that bisexual people exist.

The relationships expert thankfully reminded the man that his ‘gay’ wife could actually be bisexual.

“Women can have close, spa treatment-enjoying friendships,” relationships expert Roe McDermott wrote in her response.

“Maybe your wife’s friendships are intense, which your sister-in-law and others judge due to their own insecure assumptions regarding your wife’s independence or how friendships ‘should’ operate.”

She added: “Even if we take a giant, erroneous leap, maybe your wife is bisexual and some of her friendships include some crush energy. Neither of these options mean her love for you isn’t authentic or that she is cheating.”

Furthermore, she described the man’s behaviour as “extreme” and recommended he see a therapist to deal with his own past relationship trauma.



Related topics: advice, bi erasure, Irish Times, lesbian, letter, relationships

Click to comment

Swipe sideways to view more posts!


Loading ...

Close icon