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Wife finds out her husband is gay after 20 years of marriage – and her reaction is eye-opening

Patrick Kelleher January 17, 2020
Woman opens up about pain of discovering that her husband of 20 years was gay

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An Irish woman has opened up about the pain of discovering that her husband of 20 years was gay.

Speaking on RTÉ Radio One’s Liveline, the woman – who only gave her first name, Mary – said she thought she was “happily married” until she discovered her husband’s sexuality.

“He was a good, decent, kind man. But he was living a lie,” she revealed.

“I found out by accident and in that second I knew that my marriage was over.

She continued: “I loved him. Love doesn’t die easily, it takes time, like it does for it to grow, and it takes time to die.”

Mary didn’t tell anyone for three months after she found out that her husband was gay.

Mary said she was “shocked” and “heartbroken” when she found out about his sexuality.

‘I hid in the closet for three months,” she said. “I didn’t want to tell anyone because I knew once it was out, that was it.

He was a good, decent, kind man. But he was living a lie. I found out by accident and in that second I knew that my marriage was over.

“I carried on and I knew that there was no other way but I would have to divorce.”

Sadly, Mary also revealed that her husband chose to keep his sexuality a secret and live as a straight man because he was afraid that he would be rejected by his family.

After she finally confronted her husband about his sexuality, she went upstairs and vomited.

Pain of finding out was like ‘being hit by a tsunami’.

“The pain was like being hit by a tsunami,” she said.

“If I had a pound for everyone who asked me ‘did I know’ I would be a rich woman,” she added.

“People said to him you are fantastic for coming out, but no one cared about me. Everything is a lie. Your wedding, your children being born. Did he ever love me?”

Mary also opened up about the anger she felt towards her husband after he came out, saying: “Sometimes I say it would have been better if he died, because remember I still loved him – it didn’t just die instantly.”

While the experience was an incredibly difficult one for Mary, she said she now wants her ex-husband to be happy. She also revealed that she found support through an online group.

More: husband, Ireland, liveline, marriage, RTÉ

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