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This homophobe refuses to wash his genitals because he thinks touching his own penis is ‘gay’

Josh Milton January 10, 2020
Gay

A man told his girlfriend he "doesn't wash his genitals" and, if you need us, we'll be screaming into the void. Image is a model, not the homophobe in question.(Elements Envato)

There is a real living breathing male who does not wash his genitals because he feels touching his own penis is “gay” and we are ready to catapult ourselves into a black hole and be crushed into a singularity of pure suffering.

The latest example of an actual human male embodying the ‘Fellas, is it gay?’ meme, a reddit user took to the r/relationship_advice board to tell the troubling tale of her 24-year-old boyfriend who never washes his private regions and even opts for a bidet “so he won’t have to wipe”.

Deep breaths, dear reader, deep breaths.

Boyfriend refuses to have ‘any contact a guy has with the male ass or pubic areas is in a gay realm’.

“So basically,” she wrote in the lengthy post, “he explained that he doesn’t touch himself there, ever, because it’s ‘gay’.

“Therefore, he can’t clean the area specifically and just lets it get wet in the shower, that’s it. Other than this his hygiene is fine.”

Taking bets whether he uses three-in-one shampoo, conditioner and body wash. But perhaps he should take a leaf from another reddit user’s book, who kept his penis minty fresh by using toothpaste as lube.

“Yes, you read it right: He thinks washing his penis would be gay,” the 23-year-old continued.

“In fact, he thinks any touching of anything between his legs is gay. This was completely ridiculous and I started asking him what about masturbating?

“What about wiping after he poops?

“Well it turns out, the reason he uses a bidet is so he won’t have to wipe. Using a bidet is not a problem to me, and I’ve never experienced a problem with his hygiene in that regard.

“But the fact he installs a bidet not out of cleanliness preference but to avoid ‘being gay’ by wiping his own ass is just…

“I can’t believe that’s a real thing.”

We can’t believe it either, to be fair. But bidets just said male rights!

He even refuses to have ‘doggy style’ sex.

She then went onto explain that her boyfriend never uses public bathrooms, and he allegedly never masturbates either as that’s also “gay” and “he felt weird” when he first did it.

“He says ‘any contact a guy has with the male ass or pubic areas is in a gay realm’.

“I said that makes absolutely no sense when it’s your own body. It’s not gay to tend to your own self, gay involves other people!”

We’re not exactly sure what the “gay realm” is, or whether we can move there, but it’s definitely a dimension where people happily sit in comfortable chairs, recycle and appreciate beautiful sunsets.

“This even extends into our sex life,” a horror story in seven words.

“I found out the reason he didn’t want to try ‘doggy style’ is because that’s a ‘gay position’. I’M NOT A DUDE, HOW IT IS GAY LMAO. Like this is so f**king ridiculous.”

Yes, yes it is.

As the post slowly descends into the original poster scrambling to work out what her boyfriend’s logic is, it ignited a tidal wave of responses from the reddit community to such an extent that moderators locked the post in under a day.

“That is as much advice on this deeply unpleasant topic,” one moderator wrote.

Many redditors cautiously counselled that the man seek therapy or contact his primary doctor, being that he himself might be gay or “may have had a trauma at some point in his life,” with his centring of not doing things that are perceived as “gay” being a method to deny this.

Jokes aside, the users stressed, “it’s possible this is how he deals with some sort of repressed trauma.

“Either way, he obviously needs therapy.”

More: Homophobia, reddit, toxic masculinity

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