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Woman writes ‘eight powerful signs to catch those gays’ and the bar for homophobia has been set for 2020

A Twitter thread has gone viral for setting the standard of homophobia for years to come. (Stock photo via Elements Envato)

A Twitter thread has gone viral for setting the standard of homophobia for years to come. (Stock photo via Elements Envato)

Homophobia should never be tolerated, but sometimes, all the LGBT+ community can do is chuckle at the things people say in an attempt to invalidate our, well, existence.

On January 3, a woman took to Twitter to provide the world with a helpful guide to detecting whether your boyfriend or husband is gay and it does not at all rely purely on exhausted and often harmful stereotypes of the gay community.

She describes herself as disturbing “people’s timelines with jokes”, leading many to wonder whether this guide was simply Lady Gaga-grade trolling.

“As a woman you need to be careful and be smart enough to detect if your Husband Or Boyfriend is one of those Gays out there!” she wrote. 

“Lemme give you this 8 powerful Signs to you to catch one of them you are in a relationship with presently.”

The thread of homophobia begins in all its glory:

1. They Looks at other men in a flirtatious way.

“When you’re out in public, does he spend too much time looking at other men?

“Is he fond of winking at people? Does he get visibly upset when someone does not return a compliment about his physical appearance?”

Compliments: a sure sign of homosexuality.

2. Feigning attention in church and prayer groups.

“Have you noticed a lack of interest in spiritual issues? Does it ever seem as if he’s just using the church as an excuse to spend time around young men?

“Does he volunteer to mentor in all male groups?”

It’s a known fact that gay men cannot be Christian or remotely spiritual.

3. Overly fastidious about his appearance and the home.

“Natural men have a certain amount of grit about them. They sweat and they smell.

“Homosexuals often abhor this sort of thing and will also be incredibly particular about the cleanliness of the home.”

Gay men, much like Prince Andrew, are incapable of sweating.

“Does he spend more time getting ready for a night out than you do?” she continued.

4. Gym membership but no interest in sports.

“Gay men use the gym as a place to socialise and to have secret liaisons in the bathrooms.

“They like to work out their bodies without the competition of sports play.”

“Afterwards, they use the showers and steam-rooms to engage in sexual activity beyond the prying eyes of women. If your man returns from the gym too exhausted to talk or have sex, which is a worrisome sign.”

5. Clothes that are too tight and too “trendy”.

“Gay men don’t need words to communicate their availability for sex ‘hookups.’ They silently broadcast the news by showing off their lean, hard bodies in designer clothing labels.

“If your husband owns skinny jeans and looks at his buttocks in the mirror or if he wears an inordinate number of small sized t-shirts, it is probably worthwhile to pay more attention to his private activities.”

6. Strange sexual demands.

“Fetishism is a sign that a man is seeking a harder thrill beyond the normal intimacy of heterosexual relations. The woman may not appeal to the deep desires that are coming to the surface as the marriage drags on.

“If there is a sudden interest in sodomy, sadomasochism, lubricants, role play, sex toys or other nontraditional intercourse methods, this is clearly an indication of deep emotional abnormalities.”

7. Too many friendly young male friends.

“Do they touch each other or embrace in long hugs? Do they exchange expensive, personal gifts like scarves or cologne?”

Birthdays are a battleground for straight men, apparently, caught between buying their younger male friend a present or appearing gay.

8. Sassy, sarcastic and ironic around his friends.

“A man who is secretly engaged in homosexual activity with others may exhibit feminine qualities when they get together in a group.

“In a sense, he has ‘let his hair down’ and this will be seen in excessive back talk and speaking with ones hands,” she finished, before imploring her followers to tag five people to spread the crucial information.

We are truly not worthy of this level of homophobia.

In short, if your man isn’t watching sports, wearing ill-fitting clothes, is exclusively friends with older men, refuses to be complimented, is sweaty and stinks and clearly does not shower or, at the least, only uses three-for-one shampoo, conditioner and body wash and never uses lube in the bedroom, be concerned.

The thread proved provocative, with many users wishing to catapult themselves into the sun as a result of its mere existence while others wondered whether the thread is even authentic in its homophobia:

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