Munroe Bergdorf reveals she became ‘extremely self-destructive’ before transitioning
Trans model and activist Munroe Bergdorf shared a defiant message of solidarity with young trans people, admitting that she was in a “very dark” place before transitioning.
Bergdorf was one of many to mark the turn of the decade by tweeting photographs of herself now and at the end of 2009.
Unlike the many who shared their pictures on New Year’s Eve, Bergdorf waited until New Year’s Day to post hers.
“I wasn’t going to share this and didn’t yesterday because I guess there’s still a part of me that feels strange about sharing pre-transition pictures of myself,” she wrote.
“2009 was a very dark time for me.”
2009 – 2019 – I wasn’t going to share this and didn’t yesterday because I guess there’s still a part of me that feels strange about sharing pre-transition pictures of myself. 2009 was a very dark time for me. pic.twitter.com/js4LWfFya0
— ＭＵＮＲＯＥ (@MunroeBergdorf) January 1, 2020
Munroe Bergdorf says she was ‘lost’ in 2009.
In a frank and emotive thread, Bergdorf admitted that she felt lost and unhappy in 2009, “and didn’t possess the language to speak about who I was or what I was feeling.”
Content warning: self-harm and suicidal ideation.
“The idea of medically transitioning had me shook, I was terrified and lacked the support or finances to make it happen,” she continued.
“I had become extremely self destructive, self-harming, self-medicating, not eating, not sleeping, going out every night and seeking validation in the attention of strangers.
“Basically anything to make me numb.”
Bergdorf said that at the time, she felt her options “were transition or die, and I was going to be the one to kill myself.”
“So when people ask how I’ve gotten through the past three years, constantly having to defend myself in the press and being a spokesperson for my community.
“That pressure pales in comparison to where I was in 2009.”
Munroe Bergdorf says the last decade has been ‘more than a glow up.’
She continued: “This is why I won’t shut up about self empowerment, self love and the importance of supporting services that help marginalised young people who are struggling – because I know what it’s like to completely give up on yourself and have others give up on you too.”
Bergdorf cited “austerity and cuts” as reasons why such services are “vital.”
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Noting her recent appointment as an advocate for UN Women UK, she said that she had dreamed of working with the UN since she was in school.
Describing the decade as “more than a glow up – it’s been a rebirth,” she said she hoped to serve as a symbol of “what can happen when you believe in yourself and are supported.”
She added: “To anyone reading this who feels how I felt in 2009. Don’t give up.
“You are loved. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
“You can win, let yourself win.”
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