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Parenting

Trans man has baby with non-binary partner, with the help of female sperm donor and trans doctor

Lily Wakefield December 30, 2019
Surrogacy is still restricted in the UK

Surrogacy is still restricted in the UK

A trans man has said he “finally feels complete” after having a baby with his non-binary partner, with the help of a trans doctor and using a female sperm donor.

According to the Sunday Mirror, Brighton wedding photographer Reuben Sharpe, 39, began taking hormones as part of his transition 12 years ago.

Around six years later, he realised that he wanted to have children and sought the help of a trans doctor to see if it would be possible for him to carry his own child. The doctor assured him that it would be.

Three years after that, he met his current partner Jay, who is non-binary and also a wedding photographer, and soon broached the idea of having kids.

Reuben told the Sunday Mirror: “After a few months I started getting nervous, realising I was planning to have a kid – I’d been building towards it for three years to this point. I realised I would have to talk to them.

“If they didn’t want kids we’d have to break up.

“I managed to bring up the subject but luckily Jay was open to the idea. It just seemed right – we wanted to raise kids similarly.”

Reuben took a break from taking testosterone to allow him to carry a baby, and described the first time he got his period as “weird” but a “relief”.

The couple decided to ask someone they knew, a trans woman, to be their sperm donor and said that it felt “so right”. On his second round of insemination, Reuben got pregnant.

The couple were overjoyed, but said that some aspects of the pregnancy were “frustrating”, from being misgendered at hospital appointments to being “treated like celebrities”.

Reuben added: “It felt uncomfortable and made us sad because it was happening at such important times when we were going to see our baby. Both of us just wanted a normal experience.

“I found it frustrating that people didn’t just ask my gender or not use it. I look like a man, have a beard. It’s bizarre you wouldn’t just avoid saying ‘she’.

“People asked very invasive questions about body parts and how I’d give birth. Giving birth isn’t a trans thing. Women give birth in different ways too.”

Three months ago, after an 11-hour labour and emergency c-section, Reuben gave birth to baby Jamie.

He said: “It’s taken six years to get this far, but now we have a baby in our arms and that was the end goal. I finally feel complete.

“It wasn’t that I was desperate to have the birthing experience or pregnancy experience, but I wanted a child and I had the facility to do it.”

He continued: “Wanting to have a baby doesn’t feel like a female thing for me. I don’t think pregnancy is the ultimate female experience, therefore it didn’t challenge me as a man.

“It doesn’t make a woman less of a woman if she’s not keen on pregnancy, infertile, doesn’t want a baby. This isn’t a trans issue – it affects everyone.”

More: Brighton, couple, non-binary, pregnant trans man, sperm donor, trans healthcare

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