Bisexual woman receives problematic advice after asking how to break up with her boyfriend
A bisexual woman consulted an agony aunt on how to break up with her boyfriend who she just sees as a friend, and the advice she received was questionable.
She wrote to sex and relationship expert Jessica Leoni through the website Female First.
The anonymous woman said: “I’ve identified as bisexual now for a while, but I don’t feel like that aligns with who I am and how I feel.
“When I think about romance, I see a girl, not my boyfriend of two months.
“The more and more I accept I love women, I realise that those feelings I thought I had for my boyfriend are platonic.
“But he’s my best friend and my mum loves him – I just don’t think I could break up with him because I don’t want to break his heart. I also wouldn’t know what to say. Help!”
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While Leoni began her advice with the obvious, that the woman should probably break up with her boyfriend if the relationship has become “platonic”, her answer soon ventured into problematic territory.
She continued: “I don’t know your age and your previous relationship history but I think you are probably right to question whether you are truly bisexual or whether, in fact, you are lesbian who only desires women.
“I suspect the latter, though I would need to know a little more about you to make a definitive judgement.”
A person’s age and “previous relationship history” have no bearing on their sexuality, and there is no cut-off point questioning or evolving how you identify.
Other than her status as a “sex and relationship expert”, it is also unclear what would give Leoni the ability to make a “definitive judgement” about another person’s sexuality, or any judgement at all for that matter.
Leoni then said: “Hopefully your boyfriend will accept your decision and you can carry on being best friends but without the sex.”
Although she admitted that the woman’s mother has “no relevance in this decision”, she added: “That should also keep your mum happy. Best friends stick by their buddies even when circumstances change.”