Scientists say that glitter needs to be cancelled. Immediately

Josh Milton December 14, 2019
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Glitter #GlitterIsCancelledParty. (Stock photo via Elements Envato)

#GlitterIsCancelledParty. (Stock photo via Elements Envato)

Between climate catastrophe and the severe surge in right-wing governments, the fact that science have said glitter should be banned has pushed us to the brink.

This is the bad place!

While it’s not exactly a secret that glitter has overtime lost its sparkle, the thing that gives RuPaul’s Drag Race queens their twinkle or New Years Eve-goer their disco ball eyelids, is actually damaging the environment.

University forced to plead to students not to use glitter amid glitter epidemic. 

Florida Gulf Coast University sent out an advisory this month to its pending graduates warning them off of utilising the microplastic in their celebrations ahead.

“Every piece of glitter that has been tossed or blown skyward in pursuit of the perfect celebration picture — most definitely millions, more likely billions of shiny microplastic pieces smaller than 5 millimetres — still sits in the bowels of our 800-acre campus,” officials stated in the release.

In the advisory titled ‘glitter is litter’, a university official explained how glitter will never decompose, “at least, not in the lifetime of anyone reading this.”

Moreover, across the coastal university, glitter was found in all samples of water by university officials.

“Time will only bury it deeper into the spots that make for scenic backdrops among the 324 acres of restored wetlands, 23 acres of created wetlands and 121 acres of upland preserve that we collectively and proudly advertise as a hallmark of our environmentally dedicated university.”

“There is a need to change the way plastic is viewed by society: from ubiquitous, disposable waste to a valuable, recyclable raw material, much like metal and glass,” the Royal Society of Chemistry said.

“It’s hoped this will increase the economic value of plastic waste in a circular economy.”

Confirmed: Science is homophobic.

OK, we kid. You can show the colours of the rainbow and be green at the same time thanks to an array of environmentally-friendly variations of glitter.

The brand Eco Glitter Fun make ‘guilt-free sparkles’ for example that’s biodegradable, so don’t cancel that Pride 2020 outfit you’re making six months in advance just yet.

Related topics: environment, Florida, glitter

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