Trans people share their feelings of loss at not experiencing childhood as their true gender
Trans people are sharing their feelings of loss at having come out later in life in a moving thread on Twitter.
“How many trans people, especially those who started transition as adults (doubly so if older than I), feel a lost youth? Missed on a childhood that matched with your real gender, wish you didn’t had to be your agab [assigned gender at birth]?” asked Brittany, a non-binary trans femme.
Since asking the question on 14 October, her post has been liked over 900 times.
I pretty much missed out on my teenage years, my twenties, and almost all of my thirties. It hurts. That cover-all numbness used to protect me against this hurt, but once HRT lifted it, I went through quite a grieving process.
Writing this tweet still fills my eyes with tears.
— Riley Faelan (@RileyFaelan) October 15, 2019
“I started transition when I was 21, so a young adult, but even I feel a sense of lost youth… well more so wasted than lost. I had my youth, but I was depressed and fucked up and I wasn’t being myself,” said Catherine Bernard, a 26-year-old trans woman.
Many of the Twitter users replying had come out as trans or transitioned later in life – in their 40s, 50s, or 60s.
Now, I am thankful every minute for at last being ME♥️???♀️
— Freyja Liv (@FreyjaLiv) October 14, 2019
“I transitioned at 41 and I don’t really feel a sense of a lost *childhood* so much as a lost young adulthood! I’d do anything to go back and live as a young woman in her twenties!” said one Twitter user.
Others said that transitioning later was part and parcel of a tough life.
“I transitioned in my 50s,” said Lesley the Leither. “A survivor of childhood sexual abuse, raped in my teens. I’ve had cancer. I had my life. It was tough. I have children. They’re amazing. I am an addict / alcoholic in recovery. I’m pissed off that Hearts weren’t champions in ‘65 and and ‘86. That’s it.”
yes. Esp. painful for me as I’m older, I was pretty clear who I was, but coming out was freaking impossible in 1970’s.
I actually tried in 1972, age 14.
The only way to defend ‘watchful waiting’ is to claim there’s no such thing as human development.
I’ll never get over the hurt
— AnneOgborn#WontBeErased (@AnnieTheObscure) October 15, 2019
Another Twitter user added: “I’ve been dressing for 50+ years and only recently really accepted it. Yes, I wish I could relive those years.”
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Non-binary people also replied to the tweet. One non-binary person wrote: “I really don’t even know what a non-binary teenhood would have been. It’s hard to answer the tweet because of that, but I think the enormous amount of grief I feel in response to the question is probably telling.”
we don’t really talk about it, do we?
how difficult it was to *BE* a teenage boy/girl when you fucking weren’t
I was a teenage unknown and I had to be a teenage boy. Do people know how *DIFFICULT* that was? How exhausting? Can they understand?
I wish cis people could
— Spooky Untitled Lesbian Game (@QuinntoBean) October 12, 2019