Coleen Rooney is, and we cannot stress this enough, giving the gays everything they want
For those who’ve been living under a rock, in a desert, on a different planet: this day, formerly known as 9 October, will henceforth always be called… Coleen Rooney Day, obviously.
Coleen Rooney began the day by tweeting a message accusing Rebekah Vardy’s Instagram account of being the source of various stories about Coleen – various fake stories, which she had planted to find out who the person leaking information about her was.
This has been a burden in my life for a few years now and finally I have got to the bottom of it…… pic.twitter.com/0YqJAoXuK1
— Coleen Rooney (@ColeenRoo) October 9, 2019
Coleen said she’d been aware that someone was informing The Sun newspaper about information she was sharing on her private Instagram account, and to find out who it was she’d blocked every account following her from viewing her Instagram Stories – every account except Rebekah Vardy’s.
She then spent five months posting a series of fake stories – including a story about “gender selection in Mexico” (?) and the basement in her new house flooding.
Lo and behold, the stories appeared in The Sun. This meant, Coleen said, that it was Rebekah Vardy’s account leaking the stories. Vardy then responded, also with an Apple Note on Twitter.
— Rebekah Vardy (@RebekahVardy) October 9, 2019
The drama is too much for LGBT+ Twitter, which is now losing its collective mind.
me, a gay who knows nothing about football watching Colleen Rooney drag Rebekah Vardy https://t.co/cmV8m4zj5F
— gay rat bachelor (@bishthenish) October 9, 2019
Surprisingly, Coleen Rooney also managed to unite four Twitter factions that don’t usually have any crossover: Football Twitter, gay twitter, legal Twitter and 2001-2007 British culture appreciation Twitter.
unity at last pic.twitter.com/MgL6ylSszf
— Louis Staples (@LouisStaples) October 9, 2019
The gays are, unsurprisingly, living for the drama.
Gays turning up to Football Twitter after Colleen Rooney pulled off the gag of the decade pic.twitter.com/6i3NTcciWr
— Sean (@seanbgoneill) October 9, 2019
Inject this into my veins https://t.co/1YEggZAA6X
— shon faye. (@shonfaye) October 9, 2019
Is Coleen Rooney ok with the gays? just asking before i start the worship
— Chef Davie🏳️🌈 🧡💜🎃🧙♂️💜🧡 (@ChefDavieUK) October 9, 2019
Rebekah Vardy’s response, which included the line “I’m not being funny but I don’t need the money”, sent gay Twitter scrambling.
Gays, girls and journalists alike SCRAMBLING to tweet about Coleen Rooney’s latest drama pic.twitter.com/9R2XXZK3WN
— Jamie (@xjamielister) October 9, 2019
Some commiserated that the drama happened too late for Drag Race UK.
“it’s…… Rebekah Vardy” MUST be how someone enters the workroom for the first time next season https://t.co/H9JKNrOw3f
— Shaun Kitchener (@ShaunKitchener) October 9, 2019
But – thank God! – it’s not too late for Halloween.
because I am gay I’m trying to work out how to turn Coleen’s tweet into a halloween costume
— Rebekah Vardy’s account. (@repeattofade) October 9, 2019
People on the internet also pointed out that the publications who’d been duped by Coleen’s Instagram investigation had reacted in different ways to the news…
— 🌟 Joanna Montgomery 🌟 (@joannamont) October 9, 2019
… but don’t worry, Coleen has proof of everything that went down.
Coleen Rooney transporting her RECEIPTS pic.twitter.com/KVBWjgq5Cs
— Hugh Smithson-Wright (@HRWright) October 9, 2019