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How to be confident and body positive in the bedroom

Fiona Hayward April 18, 2019
Ruby Rare, a sex educator, monogamist and self-described “happy naked lady”,

Ruby Rare, a sex educator, monogamist and self-described “happy naked lady”, talks about being body positive.

PinkNews spoke to Ruby Rare, a sex educator, non-monogamist and self-described “happy naked lady,” about body positivity and how she tackles insecurities within the bedroom.

Despite growing up in a body positive family, Rare battled with her body during her teenage years.

“I definitely spent a few years disliking my body and really struggling with it,” she told PinkNews.

“Porn gets spoken about a lot and while it does affect people’s body image, I would argue that other aspects of the media like celebrity culture tend to impact our self-esteem just as much or even more than porn.”

“We consume it from a much younger age and it’s more hidden and subtle.”

Rare stressed how this is not an issue unique to women.

“All genders are stereotyped and put in certain boxes of how they’re meant to look, so it’s really important for us to not just think of this as a female issue,” she said.

Life drawing helped Ruby Rare

A turning point for Rare was her discovery of life drawing.

“It’s really changed the way that I see my body in relation to other people and other people’s art and I’ve found it to be a beautiful experience of loving and accepting my body for the beautiful thing that it is,” she said.

She is now one half of the Body Love Sketch Club, a life drawing class centred around body positivity.

The classes encourage attendees to look at bodies in new ways, in response to the idealised and sexualised depictions of bodies within the media.

Ruby’s tips to become body positive in the bedroom

If you’re looking to become more confident under the sheets, follow these tips.

1. Surround yourself with positivity

Unfollow anyone on your social media who is making you feel bad about your body and try and follow as many people as possible with diverse and different bodies to yours.

2. Connect with your body

Spend time connecting with your body; try being nude, in a non-sexual way.

3. Love your wobbly bits

Start treating tummies, thighs, arms, any part of your body that might wobble or have some more curves as sexy as boobs and bums.

Appreciate all of the parts that society might tell us are not as desirable — they actually are.

4. Exchange compliments

Tell your partner what you love about each other’s bodies and why, it might surprise you.

5. Celebrate your differences

All bodies are different and that’s the thing that makes them beautiful. Embrace you and your partner’s differences and beauties and try and celebrate them together.

Ruby Rare runs Body Love Sketch Club and is giving a talk on non-monogamy in London on 23 April, 2019.

More: bisexual, body positivity, lgbt representation, monogamy, nudes, polyamory

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