‘I find gay marriage too heteronormative but my girlfriend is hinting she wants to marry’
Should you get married if you find the concept heteronormative? In this episode of Ask the Aunties, one lesbian reader has a dilemma about getting married to her girlfriend.
Heteronormativity describes the way in which society tends to push people into male or female gender roles, meaning heterosexual relationships are expected as the norm. It’s not surprising therefore, that many same-sex couples are turned off by the idea of marriage and its history.
Queer agony aunts Lee Gray and Karnage Kills respond to a dilemma sent in by a woman who has been in a long-term relationship with her partner and is deeply in love. Her girlfriend has been hinting that she wants to get married.
However, the woman isn’t sure she can stomach a ceremony that adheres to heterosexual standards—let alone what to wear to a wedding if you’re genderqueer.
Ask the Aunties: Should I get married if I find it too heteronormative?
The dilemma sent in reads: “I’m a lesbian and have been with my girlfriend for five years.
“I love her so much and she’s been hinting she’d like to get married.
“I know marriage gives you extra legal rights but the idea is just too heterosexual for me. What should I do?”
Ask the Aunties: Their response
Agony aunt Lee said: “Before being in a relationship my answer would be: ‘No, don’t get married.’
“When I was talking to my boyfriend, I was like: ‘Would we get married in a church?’ I don’t want to get married in a church.
“It’s the perfect opportunity—especially if your partner is adamant—to have that conversation.”
Karnage said: “I’m very traditional—I believe you fall in love, you get married, you have babies, do you know what I mean?
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“But I feel like marriage is not for everyone. Do not do it if you really know you don’t want to, you are only making things worse for yourself.”
“The divorce rate is high,” he laughed.
The previous episode answered a dilemma from a 19-year-old needing advice on how to deal with homophobic parents.
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