After coming out for the first time, working out where and how to make LGBT friends doesn’t come immediately—especially as many queer spaces do not centre black or brown communities.

In a new episode of PinkNews series Ask the Aunties, our fabulous queer agony aunts answer a dilemma from someone struggling to find their network of queer black friends.



Agony aunts Lee Gray and Karnage Kills respond to a dilemma sent in anonymously from a queer, black reader struggling to find their place on the largely white, gay scene.

Watch the video below to see their advice.

Black and queer: Finding your community

Their dilemma said: “Any advice on navigating the queer scene as a black person?

“I don’t feel comfortable in a some white queer spaces or straight black spaces.”

Ask the Aunties: Their response

“Just putting yourself out there—find other queer, black, people of colour and just kind of putting yourself in that scene,” Karnage said.

“The more you do it you’ll just learn what you like, what you don’t like, the more you’ll meet people.”

“I’ve felt uncomfortable in queer, white spaces, I’ve felt uncomfortable in straight spaces, I’ve felt uncomfortable in queer, black spaces,” Lee explained.

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“I never really felt comfortable until I found my group and that’s what I say to anybody coming onto the scene.

“It takes a while, it takes a long, long time before you can actually find people you can mesh with.

“Sometimes that’s people who look like you and sometimes it’s not.

“The best thing you can do is find a group you can go out with, who have your back. Find your group, honey.”

Karnage added: “You’ve got to be open to different people.”

Watch the video above to see all of the Aunties’ advice.

Ask the Aunties is an original PinkNews series. From dating to telling your pals your pronouns, no dilemma is left unanswered.

The previous episode answered a dilemma from a pansexual reader who needs advice on coming out to her grandparents.

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