The US government has revealed the vast variety of objects that get stuck up people’s orifices such as their penis, vagina and rectum.

The foreign objects recovered by medical practitioners in 2017 included—but were not limited to—dominos, half a dozen BB pellets and a Christmas bauble, according to the US Consumer Product Safety Commission’s annual release of the emergency room visits database.



Among the eclectic collection of surprising objects that doctors found in their patients’ penises were an electrified rod, fingernail clippings, a crack vial, and, in one specific case, “a fork, pen and jelly wrapper.”

People with penises were also discovered with items such as the back of a remote control, a metal paper clip, crafting string and a chain, as well as pieces of a plastic hanger, stuck inside them.

In one case, an unfortunate 15-year-old is reported to have “put soap on [an] electrical wire” before they “inserted [the] wire in [their] penis.”

Americans’ vaginas also experienced the intrusion of foreign objects ranging from a glass paperweight to the cap of a hairgel bottle and a plastic trash bag.

According to the data, one 45-year-old woman “had an egg vibrator come apart in [her] vagina, leaving part of it and five batteries in the vaginal canal.”

A 57-year-old woman slipped and fell on a wet floor at home and also Has had a sex toy stuck in her vagina for eight months.

Other sex toys found in vaginas included a penis ring and a Ben Wa ball, which the doctor explained was stuck while a 44-year-old woman was having intercourse with her partner and inserted two balls in—but was only able to retrieve one.

It was also described how on New Year’s Day 2017, a 57-year-old woman came into the emergency room and described how she had “slipped and fell on a wet floor at home and also has had sex toy stuck in vagina for eight months.”

A naked man against a white background, looking to the side
One man had “six to seven BB pellets” stuck in his penis (Pexels)

In the case of one 17-year-old from whom doctors recovered pieces of a pen from her vagina, it was noted that she performed the action “out of anger.”

She was not alone in falling prey to overwhelming emotion, as one 15-year-old reported inserting a crayon in her vagina “when she was mad yesterday,” adding that she “can’t remember if it came out.”

Other vaginas in the US were treated to a toy plastic banana, a baton and what is only described as a “child’s toy.”

Rectums suffered their dose of odd items

When it comes to butts, there are no gender differences to the horror of having an item stuck inside it.

One 25-year-old woman said she had used anal beads, and then been unable to remove them for a whole week.

But this was nothing compared to the 44-year-old woman who had a “vibrator in her rectum and tried to remove it with a screwdriver and lacerated her rectum.”

The report ended on an ominous note, simply stating: “Object in colon now.”

A 47-year-old man pushed drugs up his rectum using a lighter, was able to retrieve the drugs bag, but believe the lighter got stuck.

Some reports beggared belief, such as the man who “took a soda bottle with fireball whiskey via his rectum, stuck the bottle in his rectum and squeezed.”

One deluded 32-year-old woman squirted a mixture of bleach and water into her rectum because she “wanted to prevent AIDS.”

And a 47-year-old man admitted he had “pushed drugs up his rectum using a lighter, was able to retrieve the drugs bag, but believed the lighter got stuck.”

Other objects doctors found stuck inside their patients’ rectum included a shot glass, a lube bottle, an iPad stylus, the leg of a telescope, and”crack cocaine with sex objects.”

As if that wasn’t enough, people in America managed to fit a full-sized shampoo bottle, full-sized aerosol can and two golf balls in a bag up their butts, as well as a light bulb, a candle holder, a candle in a condom, and a “significant amount of string.”

It should go without saying, but in 2019, please: be safe.




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