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Dating

Ask the Aunties: I’m tired of being sent nudes on Grindr

Amy Ashenden June 20, 2018

PinkNews brings you a new series, Ask the Aunties, where our fabulous aunties answer your dilemmas.

From dating to telling your pals your pronouns, no dilemma is left unanswered.

Lee Gray, Karnage Kills and Rhys Hollis are the queer agony aunts you always wanted.

In the fifth episode of the series, the aunties answer a dilemma sent in from Brian in the Highlands, in Scotland.

Brian asked: “I’m a gay man and I’ve been using apps since they came into being. I’m 45 years old and have been single for 12 years.

“I will openly admit that when the apps came to be, yes, I did the nude exchange of photos. It was exciting and new.

“But then I changed because gay men would only meet you if you were of porn star quality, hung and fit. If you didn’t fit that image you were consigned to the gutter and still are.

“Surely I am worth more than a mere dick pic? Indecent exposure is a crime but for some unknown reason it’s not taken seriously online and it should be.

“We need to re-educate and change how we approach others on social media apps and sites.

“I respect myself and wish other men would too.”

Our agony aunts shared their advice for Brian.

“You can’t be on Grindr and be like I really want to find love,” Karnage suggested.

Ask the Aunties: Lee, Rhys and Karnage (PinkNews)

But Rhys and Lee pointed out that maybe apps are Brian’s most accessible way of finding dates.

Lee said: “He’s 45 years old, so what we might think is normal, from his perspective might be completely abnormal.

“Him going on apps is him trying to date in the modern world and so probably it is a bit uncomfortable.”

Rhys added: “When it becomes only about the aesthetic and only about having sex, that’s when it becomes a problem.

“When I go on the apps, I prefer to see a picture of someone’s face.”

“But you’ve got to check the goods are good,” Karnage interjected.

“Also it depends on what app you’re on – you can’t be on Grindr and really be like I really want to find love.”

Have you ever been ghosted? (PinkNews)

But Rhys and Lee both disagreed.

“Some people have found love on Grindr, honey,” Lee added.

Episode 1 of Ask the Aunties saw our agony aunts help a 16-year-old from Argentina who is struggling with his sexuality.

Lee Gray is a YouTuber and part-time podcaster with Karnage Kills – together they produce a podcast about black queer men’s experiences living and dating in London, called Wolves in the City.

Karnage is a rapper and grime artist from north London, regularly performing on the queer scene. You can also listen to his tracks on SoundCloud.

Rhys Hollis is a drag and cabaret performer, including at The Glory in Dalston, London.

Subscribe to PinkNews on YouTube to catch new weekly episodes of Ask the Aunties.

More: Ask the Aunties, dating, dating apps, Grindr

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