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Dating

Ask the Aunties: I’m worried about “looking gay”

Amy Ashenden June 6, 2018

Ask the Aunties

PinkNews brings you a new series, Ask the Aunties, where our fabulous aunties answer your dilemmas.

From dating to telling your pals your pronouns, no dilemma is left unanswered.

Lee Gray, Karnage Kills and Rhys Hollis are the queer agony aunts you always wanted.

In the third episode of the Ask the Aunties series, the aunties answer a dilemma sent in anonymously from a woman who identifies as MOHO – aka mostly homosexual.

She wrote to PinkNews to explain: “Gay people think I’m straight and straight people think I’m straight, so it makes it really difficult to date as I’m never attracting the right people.

“It puts me in a situation where I feel like I’m constantly having to come out, which can be traumatic.

“Everyone just assumes I’m straight and I often don’t correct them because I don’t want it to be a thing and I don’t see why I should have to to be honest.

“I don’t really know what to do to attract women and let them know I’m into them, because I don’t want to change myself to look or behave more ‘gay’ (whatever that even means).

“But then it’s catch 22 because I’m also really paranoid about looking or behaving stereotypically gay as society deems that unfavourably.”

Agony aunt Lee gave some “tough love” – watch the aunties give their advice in the video.

“Don’t change yourself,” Lee said.

“You shouldn’t feel like you need to change yourself for anybody.”

“That’s always worked for me,” Karnage added.

Ask the Aunties: Lee, Rhys and Karnage

“Whenever I go out or whatever, I dress how I want and look how I want to look, and then I always find that the people who are attracted to me, come to me.”

Rhys advised: “Definitely don’t change yourself.

“Before I used to hang around in queer spaces I used to kind of have the same thing – and I was caught up on that.

“It became less important what other people think.”

Episode one of Ask the Aunties saw our agony aunts help a 16-year-old from Argentina who is struggling with his sexuality.

Ask the Aunties

In episode two, the aunties shared their coming out stories.

Lee Gray is a YouTuber and part-time podcaster with Karnage Kills – together they produce a podcast about black queer men’s experiences living and dating in London, called Wolves in the City.

Karnage is a rapper and grime artist from north London, regularly performing on the queer scene. You can also listen to his tracks on SoundCloud.

Rhys Hollis is a drag and cabaret performer, including at The Glory in Dalston, London. You catch him performing at Queefy Cabaret in London on June 8.

More: Ask the Aunties, Gay

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