Who said romance was dead?
When all dating apps are said and done and we find someone we’re pretty besotted with, we’re always looking for new ways to tell them that we love and appreciate them.
And how better to provide such a service than getting an enormous cushion, or underpants, or lollipop, or a suitcase with their face on?
We’ll wait a minute while you take that all in. You can now get a picture of your loved one’s face on all of the items listed above to let them know that you love them, for a small amount of your money, reported metro.co.uk.
The items, which can be found here, are pretty self-aware of their, erm, weirdness.
In fact, their product descriptions indicate they’ve jumped one step ahead of their critics.
First up, we have the absolutely huge cushion of your partner’s face.
“It’s absolutely f*cking enormous,” reads the product description on Firebox.
“It’s a creepy, cuddly replacement for loved ones while they’re away.”
And for those who are the jetsetter in the relationship, a suitcase option is available.
“Be the envy of the Baggage Reclaim lounge,” say sellers Firebox.
“Just upload a high-quality photo and we’ll do the rest.”
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And for those who didn’t quite get there on time, the brand’s popular “my fronts” have gone out of stock.
Yes, you weirdos. The underpants which can be personalised with yours or your partner’s face flew off the website’s (metaphorical) shelves like hot cakes.
But oh no, the shop didn’t want to stop there.
Hold tight, the weirdest gift yet: the human lollipop, which is a mere £39.99.
Yes, we now have the power to order a custom-made delectable featuring a human face made out of candy.
Of course, these jokers know exactly what they’re doing.
“Makes that personalised keyring look rubbish,” reads the descriptor.
“All we need is a photo and a short description.”
It appears that when love and capitalism collide, we get some pretty spellbinding horrors making their way through the ether.