How to be a bottom: A guide to being penetrated by your partner
Want to try bottoming or just get better at it? Well dear, now you can with this very helpful and practical guide to taking it like a champ. You’re welcome.
Before we get stuck into sticking it in, we always support and suggest safer sex. Read our guide to PrEP, and always use condoms.
A bottom is sometimes referred to as the passive role or ‘pitcher’ (versus a ‘catcher’ or a top), and is the lucky guy that gets penetrated, gets f**ked, takes it up the rear, gets a cock in their ass, the penis in the anus.
We hope that’s a bit clearer now? Great, read on for all the facts and info on bottoming as well as a debunking of all the common myths.
Genetics or personal preference?
In 2017, a study by University of Toronto Mississauga found that men who showed more masculine personality traits were likely to be tops, while those who had feminine traits were often bottoms.
But this is just one study. The actual reason why some people and tops and others are bottoms is way more complicated than that.
The most common stereotype for a bottom is a younger guy with little body hair, who is on the camp side of the spectrum. But stereotypes must be taken with a pinch of salt and only account for a small percentage of the truth.
The fact is, anyone can be a bottom and we’d encourage trying it if you’re in any way inclined – after all, a man’s G spot is hidden up there and bottoming is a sure fire way to stimulate it.
Yeah, lots of bottoms follow the stereotype above, but lots of bottoms are big beefy daddies, hyper-masculine military dudes and everything in between.
There is no ‘rule’ that governs who should be a top or a bottom. Hey, why not be both? Here’s our guide to being versatile if you want to find out more.
Reasons why people don’t bottom
“It’ll hurt too much, it’ll be dirty, his dick is too big, I’m not gay if I don’t get fucked.” We’ve heard them all before.
The first three, we’ll deal with. The last one, well that’s more of an internalised homophobia issue.
No pain, no gain – does it hurt?
The first time a man has anal sex is often painful. It’s a totally new thing that’s happening to your ass, the muscles don’t know what’s happening and you don’t know how to breathe into the action or how to relax and contract your ass muscles.
But trust us – bottoming gets easier and more pleasurable the more you understand and know your own body.
How can I be a good bottom?
There are some things about being a bottom that make it harder than being a top.
There’s certainly a lot more preparation to do, and it can be a bit bewildering if you’re new to it. But we’ve got it covered.
If you’re scared about things getting dirty, learn how to douche. You can read more about douching here in this general explainer about anal sex, but in a nutshell, it means washing yourself with warm water.
Either with water from the shower (with the shower-head removed), or with a pre-bought douching device, or ‘bulb.’
Diet and exercise
Eating a diet rich in fibre is more likely to make you feel like your bowel movements are ‘complete,’ and therefore more confident about using your ass being clean for f**king.
If you’ve got a hectic lifestyle and daily fibre intake is difficult to fit into your meals, there are a ton of fibre supplements out there to help you out.
If you’re into the gym, do extra squats. You can also practice clenching and relaxing your anal sphincter muscle almost anywhere. Now there’s something to make the daily commute more interesting…
Learning how to take it
We said there was a lot of prep eh? But when it’s actually time to take your partner’s cock, make sure you’re as relaxed as possible.
Do your exercises, and learn to use your ass muscles. When the tip of your partner’s penis starts to enter you, push out your sphincter.
Expand and contract this muscle. Each time you do, you’ll find that his cock will go in a bit more – and most importantly – it’ll go in a bit more easily.
Sexual positions where a bottom leads
Being a bottom doesn’t mean you need to be submissive, or that your Top has to be in control of the situation.
Riding your guy, is a good way to self-manage how you take his dick: how fast, how much, and how hard – it’s all up to you in this position.
Check out our guide to gay sex positions to discover more about riding him, along with some other variations.
Clear communication leads to better bottoming
It’s your ass, it’s your sexual experience. Don’t be afraid to tell your guy exactly how you’re feeling. Tell him if it’s too hard, too deep, too fast or too slow.
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And if it’s not hard enough or deep enough, make sure he knows that too!
Medical issues that might hold you back
Anal fissures, Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) or genital warts (in and around the anus) could potentially cause you to shy away from anal sex as a bottom. But these things are all treatable.
In the case of IBS, a careful diet and imodium a few hours before your planned session could greatly relieve any pain or self-confidence issues about gas or waste material causing embarrassing problems or discomfort.
For all other enquiries, it’s best to check in with a doctor before you carry on your merry way.