Dear Ireland, here’s ten reasons to vote NO to same-sex marriage
On Friday, Ireland is being asked to vote on a proposal to introduce civil same-sex marriage.
As we take balance seriously, we thought we’d take some time to recap some of the most convincing arguments to vote no to same-sex marriage from Ireland and around the world.
1. Vote No or children will have to listen to the ‘sounds of sodomy’
A leaflet distributed in Dublin opposing same-sex marriage warns that children will be exposed to the “sounds of sodomy” if it passes.
The leaflet tells voters that Christ compels them to vote No – asking: “Should children be exposed to this beastly obsession with unholy acts?”
2. Vote No because we failed to read the wording of the question
A number of lobbying groups in Ireland have been pushing people to vote No because children “deserve a mother and a father”.
The same-sex marriage legislation has nothing whatsoever to do with gay parenting – as even if Ireland does vote No, the country’s completely separate adoption legislation is still set to pass.
Despite this, the anti-gay Iona Institute continues to inaccurately claim in adverts that the referendum would seek to “redefine the family” and is actually “inequality for children”.
3. Vote No because otherwise you will only be able to buy gay burgers
Key opponents of equal marriage have warned that if equal marriage becomes law everywhere, Burger King will introduce a permanent gay pride burger and refuse to sell anything else.
Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association warned that the message of tolerance would be “spreading across the entire plane”, adding “soon you’re going to have a rainbow coloured wrapper for your Whopper”.
4. Vote No because gay couples will cause 900,000 abortions
Lawyer Gene Schaerr, who failed to defend a ban on same-sex marriages in the US state of Utah, has warned that same-sex weddings would be to blame for 900,000 abortions.
He ‘looked into’ the numbers and claimed: “early 900,000 more children of the next generation would be aborted as a result of their mothers never marrying.”
Apparently, gay weddings would effectively be wiping out a population equal to “the entire population of the cities of Sacramento and Atlanta combined”.
5. Vote No because we can lay down some funky tunes
This No voter’s opposition is so strong, he is even opposed to men marrying women.
Michael O’Leary became an unintentional rap star when he made the slip at a debate on the issue last year.
He exclaimed: “We don’t want to see men and women getting married!”
6. Vote No or bisexuals will demand four person marriages
Alabama’s Chief Justice Roy Moore – a champion of the US anti-gay groups allegedly funding the ‘no’ campaign – warned earlier this year that if two bisexuals or trans people wanted a marriage, it would have to involve four people.
He claimed: “You’re taking any definition of a family away… when two bisexuals or two transgendered marry, how large is that family?
“Can they marry two persons, one of the same sex and one of the opposite sex? Then, you’ve got a family of four or how many?”
7. Vote No because gay people can already get married (just not to each other)
One Cathoic bishop has been thinking about it very hard – and has concluded that preventing loving couples from marrying isn’t actually discrimination at all.
Catholic Bishop of Elphin Kevin Doran explained that gay couples can just break up and marry people who marry people of the opposite sex.
He claimed: “There is no legal obstacle to a person of homosexual orientation getting married, just as a heterosexual person can.”
8. Vote No because equality will destroy society
The Catholic church is very very concerned about the potential impacts of same-sex marriage (aside from the basic rights it gives to gay couples, of course).
According to the church, it would erode the “foundation stone of society” – which doesn’t sound good for civilisation as you know it…
(However, given the Pope has also compared transgender people to nuclear weapons, your mileage may vary.)
9. Vote No because the semen in your Starbucks makes you want to vote Yes
Pastor James David Manning of ATLAH World Missionary Church in Harlem, New York, has an interesting theory for why the world has become so accepting of gays.
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He claims: “What Starbucks was doing, is they were taking specimens of male semen, and they were putting it in the blends of their lattes.
“My suspicion is that they’re getting their semen from sodomites. Semen flavours up the coffee, and makes you thinks you’re having a good time.”
10. Vote No or God will give you cancer
Shockingly, this week a journalist received a letter from one ‘No’ voter that blamed her cancer diagnosis on her support for same-sex marriage.
The letter claimed: “I was so sorry to hear about your cancer but maybe it is the will of God.
“After all you have been relentlessly pushing the twisted idea of gay marriage which would destroy the family as we know it and ruin the lives of generations of innocent children victimised by the narcissism of their ‘parents’.
“My advice is to accept that you are both homosexual and not very pretty, as there are worse fates; you might be black for instance.”
…and if you’re still not convinced, nothing can help you!