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OKCupid begins rolling out new sexuality and gender options

  • Foxglove

    Now you see, our enemies have been right all along: we do have a choice.
    My mother would agree. She always told me, “You can be whatever you want to be if you just put your mind to it.”

  • Jess Kaine

    Great, So now if I leave my profile as female I’ll get the ” Change your profile you tranny freak I don’t want to see you in my searches !” messages. And if I change it to Transgender all I will get is the chasers .

    • Foxglove

      I stay away from such websites myself. Just don’t want to deal with it.

    • Aren’t those people who would throw slurs at you likely to be disrespectful anyway now?

      Not intending to be hostle or dismiss you, just genuinely curious if this wouldn’t be a sideways change. in that regard.

      • Jess Kaine

        O yes as a trans person you get horrible messages quite often, it’s just before this change I couldn’t be singled out in a search just for being trans.

        • I mean more if you leave your profile as saying just woman. no search opportunities to single you out that way through search.

    • the struggle is real

    • FakePete

      Whatever happens good luck with the dating Jess!

  • Interesting. I get Jess’s point about how this can cause more frustration, especially since there are plenty of men and women who wouldn’t explicitly seek out trans partners but might be open to dating someone trans once they discover that detail in their well-written, attractively composed profile. Makes me wonder how OkCupid is surfacing these experimental profiles in other members’ recommendations, you know? Definitely keeping an eye on this for my online dating clients; the trans community is SO underserved on OKC and yet OKC is the most trans-friendly of the main dating sites. Frustrating as hell; this cis-mostly-straight gal is happy to see even a drop of progress or change on their part. Please don’t prove my optimism naive, OkCupid… :/

  • Anthony

    Jess has got a point. Cis-male, Cis-female, Trans-woman are not genders. Male, female & other were actually more appropriate.

    • Jenni

      I agree. I don’t feel like the separation between cis female and trans female was at all necessary. I feel like that’s supporting the ridiculous idea that a transwoman isn’t “really” a woman. And could potentially backfire, and further marginalize transfolk : /

      • Samantha Jo

        How does creating these options support that idea? As I said to Anthony above, if that’s how such people identify, then that’s how it is. Choosing such an option doesn’t make anyone less of a woman. And the option is only there; no one is being made to choose it.

    • DKC

      So much this! I had this same complaint when Facebook rolled out its new gender system. Cis men and trans men have the same gender, cis women and trans women have the same gender. Cis and trans are gender-related adjectives, not genders in and of themselves.

      • Samantha Jo

        Trans women are women and trans men are men, yes; but trans is part of that gender identity. To deny that is to dismiss those people. There are those who transition that identify specifically as one of the binary, myself included. But for many, trans is included in their gender. Please don’t invalidate those people due to some misplaced application of grammar.

        • DKC

          When the option to choose up to 5 exists, it should suffice for folks who identify as “transgender woman” to choose both “transgender” and “woman.” They are both valid ways to identify, but putting them together in a single choice implies that a trans woman is a special kind of “other” woman, which is not the message we should be presenting to the world.

          But really, the problem is more with presenting “cis man” and “cis woman” as genders. That’s just another way of saying “real man” or “authentic woman” and creating a gender category out of that privilege that a trans person has no hope of ever obtaining. We shouldn’t be attempting to fix the current problem (no choices appropriate for non-binary folks) by programming some additional institutionalized oppression into the site.

          • Samantha Jo

            I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree then, because I think you’re reading way too much into it.

          • Jenni

            I completely agree. I’m not saying it’s wrong to identify that way, but I am also worried that people who may not be as well-read will see “trans female” and think that (possibly even unconsciously) they are not “real” women. FtM and MtF transgendered people are still part of the binary, and I think the use if qualifiers as to what type of woman you are could be misconstrued

    • Samantha Jo

      Pretty sure Jess was talking about how this could affect searches/matches, not what is or isn’t a gender. And yes, those are genders if that’s how such people identify. Not everyone can be identified (or wants to identify) as male or female. And if you don’t, the only other option is “other”? People outside the binary are not “others”.

      • Anthony

        Gender is not *just* self identification. It’s also a performance and there’s no such performance as cis-male. ‘Cis’ is certainly a meaningful category, it’s just not gender. Sorry to be a nark, but this stuff isn’t just word play, it should mean something.

        • Samantha Jo

          I believe you’re thinking of gender presentation. That is performance, how we present ourselves by look and action. Gender identity is completely different and may or may not match presentation. And I know people that use cis or cisgender as part of their identity. So you’re right that these words do mean something: they mean something to those people that choose these words by which to identify.

    • Balance

      Cis-male should be replaced by “Gender-happy male”.
      No excuses about “Latin prefixes”. Homo-sexual is half Greek, half Latin.
      So they should choose something that doesn’t sound like “cissy” and “sistaa”, designed to annoy gender-happy males, or at least designed recklessly, without due care.

      • Lexi

        Sorry, is this a joke, or..?

  • I’m so glad there will be asexual options. I may have to re-join OKCupid eventually.

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