What will parents do to avoid having a gay son?

In the early 1990s, when genetic research was far less advanced than today, Jonathan Tolins posed the question: If a woman knew in advance that her male baby would be born gay, would she still go through with the pregnancy?

That’s the premise of his 1992 drama “The Twilight of the Golds,” which was filmed for cable television in 1997 and which receives an emotionally gripping staging courtesy of Theatre Out.

Through her husband’s medical research firm, which has devised genetic testing of fetuses, the pregnant Suzanne Gold-Stein (Jennifer Pearce) has discovered that her baby boy has the genetic markers of homosexuality.

The question of whether to keep the baby is, in fact, illuminated by the family’s firsthand experience: Suzanne’s brother David (Tim Woods) is gay, a factor that has, despite their denials, always affected his bond with her and with their parents.

The play is told from the opera-loving David’s point of view, its title a pun drawn from “The Twilight of the Gods,” the fourth opera in Wagner’s “Ring” Cycle. He frames the play’s focal issue when he asks, “What difference does being gay make?” As the story progresses, its ethical complications are magnified, even as Tolins takes time out to assail the materialism of the 1980s.

Complicating the ethical dilemma posed by Tolins is the way it splits the family. For David, who is, ironically, pro-choice, aborting the baby is tantamount to killing him. As much as she dotes on David, mom Phyllis (Karen Harris) has to admit that “it hurts to see your child become something different.”

Seeing genetic testing as a boon to mankind, Suzanne’s husband Rob (Eric James) insists that he and Suzanne “don’t need David to tell us how to live our lives,” while patriarch Walter Gold (Rick Kopps) maintains that “it’s Rob and Suzanne’s decision.”

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Father’s Day in a house with lesbian moms.

Perhaps you are wondering what Father’s Day is like in a family with lesbian moms. Me too. Over the 19 years we have been parents, there has been no pattern.

I don’t sense any sadness from our kids about the holiday. It’s not like Valentine’s Day when you don’t have a valentine. But I am not naive. I am sure our kids find themselves wishing for a father from time to time but it remains unspoken. And while I hold my head up very high about the kind of parenting my partner and I provide for our three kids, yes, sometimes on Father’s Day I feel a tiny twinge. I can’t really describe it. It’s just a twinge.

I think it was partially due to that twinge that I lobbied many years ago to get Father’s Day.

Let’s be clear. It was not a gender confusion thing. I just thought it was quite practical. Think about the more thoughtful school or camp forms that don’t ask for “Mother” and “Father” but now ask for “Parent 1″ and “Parent 2.” I’m not suggesting that Hallmark become quite this thoughtful with their holidays but you get the idea. Mother’s Day in a house with lesbian moms, as I wrote about last month, can be a challenge. It’s quite an awesome day on the one hand and yet at the same time, it is not a singularly special day for either of us.

Thus my idea to turn Father’s Day into Jojo Day.

You see, ,my kids call me Jojo. My kids’ friends. My kids’ teachers. My kids’ friends’ parents. Its origin is quite simple. Scout the Elder was Agent Zero.

When my partner Eileen was pregnant with Scout, we talked about the name thing. Eileen had a preference to be called Mom and as she was handling the hard labor (literally), that seemed just right. But what will this baby call you, she asked? I don’t know. Let’s see what she comes up with.

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Father’s Day in a house with lesbian moms.

The Star-Ledger - NJ.com

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Spanish clinic and travel agency offer gay marriage and fertility deal

As niche package tours go it is one of the most original and precisely targeted. As of this week, British lesbians are being invited to dig into their pockets, catch a flight to the Spanish costas and come back either pregnant, married or both.

The offer comes from a fertility clinic and a gay and lesbian travel agency, which have launched joint package tours to what has now become one of the most socially tolerant countries in Europe.

Together they have spotted a growing trend among British lesbians, who increasingly travel to clinics in liberal Spain for insemination treatment, which has become more difficult in Britain since sperm donors lost the right to remain anonymous in 2005.

“We noticed the increase in British women coming to us as soon as the law was changed,” said Dr Rafael Bernabeu, founder of the Instituto Bernabeu clinic in Alicante, eastern Spain. “Here we can still offer that anonymity, so people are coming to us.”

Bernabeu said his clinic saw 30 British women a month. About 40% of British women seeking donor insemination were single and many were lesbians. “We don’t ask questions about people’s sexuality, so I can’t give exact figures,” he said. “But often they come with same-sex partners or simply tell us that they are lesbians.”

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Gay Muslims in the UK

Dominic James from www.tomdickandsally.com - takes a look at the lives of gay muslims in the UK.
With the advent of civil partnerships it is easy to forget that significant sections of the gay community in the UK live in fear. There are approximately 125,000 gay Muslims in the UK and most live with feelings of shame and guilt.
Although, leading clerics assert homosexuality to be against the teaching of The Quran, there are tentative signs of the beginnings of an acceptance within the Muslim establishment and the internet provides an important forum for gay Muslims to connect and support each other.
Most Muslims could never imagine that someone praying beside them at their local Mosque could possibly be gay. Islam teaches that homosexuality is evil, and as a result most gay men and lesbians will remain in the closet or choose not to follow their natural instincts. With around 1.25 million Muslims in the UK, it is estimated that the challenge of being homosexual in this community affects around 125,000 individuals every day.
This significant minority is likely to be living with feelings of shame, guilt and fear; aware of how their community will judge them and even ostracise them. Iftekhar Hai, Director of Interfaith Relations for the United Muslims of America, says that homosexuality is unnatural. He points to a verse in the Quoran where the prophet Lut says “For ye practice your lusts on men in preference to women: ye are indeed a people transgressing.”
“According to the scripture, there’s no doubt,” Hai said. “It’s not right and proper.”

However, there are now alternative views being expressed. A number of Muslim scholars are arguing that in the Quoran men are punished for raping and abusing other men, not for engaging in consensual gay sex. Indeed, it is argued that the traditional interpretations were made by heterosexual men, whereas there are now some gay Muslim writers coming out of the closet to redress the balance.
In the context of this oppressive environment, gay Muslims seek alternative means of support in the community. An example I came across recently is the website forum Al-Fatiha, a support group for gay Muslims. A short visit to this site reveals just how deep and complex the issues are. One posting reads:
“I feel like a rag doll in the middle of a tug of war, and for all of you who are in the same boat, you know what a difficult position this puts us in…I’ve come to realize that I cannot be the only one in the world in this predicament. So if you are a lesbian Muslim in a similar situation, I’d love to talk to you, and maybe we could help each other out.”
Sir Iqbal Sacranie, Britain’s most senior Muslim, described homosexuality as a harmful, immoral vehicle for spreading disease, so it is no surprise that the internet remains the only place where many gay or bisexual Muslims can reveal their true selves.
As part of a piece on gay Muslim life, The Times contacted members of this community and described it as “underground”. The article reveals a world where thousands of lives have been wrecked by sham marriages, lying, unacknowledged HIV and crippling isolation.
Among a number of powerfully descriptive stories, “Zac”, 24, tells how he has been prevented from living as a gay man. He describes how his parents had forced him into an arranged marriage with his Pakistani cousin in the hope that it would “make me straight”. He is now “trapped” at home with his pregnant wife, overwhelmed by feelings of frustration and resentment towards his parents.
But what about your experience?
The gay support group Al-Fatiha are embarking on a historic survey of Muslims who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer, and questioning or exploring their gender identity and/or sexual orientation (LGBTIQQ).
The results of the survey will tell Al-Fatiha about the muslim community, people’s experiences and concerns. The results will guide Al-Fatiha’s educational and advocacy work on behalf of LGBTIQQ Muslims, and will be shared with the entire community. To fill out the survey, click here.
It can be difficlt and confusing to come out in a faith which doesn’t allow you the freedom to be who you are, but in terms of the muslim faith, there are number of support groups who offer help and advice, including Imaan and Al-Fatiha.

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Woman breaks the law, serves as a surrogate for single gay brother

A WOMAN is due to give birth to a child for her gay brother after impregnating herself with donor sperm from a third party - an act that is illegal in her home state of Queensland.
At the centre of the startling story, the homosexual man says pregnancy tests taken last month have proven that his sister is carrying what will become his first child.
The man, aged in his mid-twenties, said his older sister, who has two teenage children herself, agreed to carry a child for him earlier this year and became pregnant after being artificially inseminated with another man’s sperm.
It is not known if the child, due to be born early next year, will know the identity of its biological mother. It will not have interaction with the biological father.
“I understand that my own situation is a little different to what people would normally hear about,” the man told news.com.au in an email. See Woman a surrogate for single gay brother
NEWS.com.au