Father’s Day in a house with lesbian moms.
Perhaps you are wondering what Father’s Day is like in a family with lesbian moms. Me too. Over the 19 years we have been parents, there has been no pattern.
I don’t sense any sadness from our kids about the holiday. It’s not like Valentine’s Day when you don’t have a valentine. But I am not naive. I am sure our kids find themselves wishing for a father from time to time but it remains unspoken. And while I hold my head up very high about the kind of parenting my partner and I provide for our three kids, yes, sometimes on Father’s Day I feel a tiny twinge. I can’t really describe it. It’s just a twinge.
I think it was partially due to that twinge that I lobbied many years ago to get Father’s Day.
Let’s be clear. It was not a gender confusion thing. I just thought it was quite practical. Think about the more thoughtful school or camp forms that don’t ask for “Mother” and “Father” but now ask for “Parent 1″ and “Parent 2.” I’m not suggesting that Hallmark become quite this thoughtful with their holidays but you get the idea. Mother’s Day in a house with lesbian moms, as I wrote about last month, can be a challenge. It’s quite an awesome day on the one hand and yet at the same time, it is not a singularly special day for either of us.
Thus my idea to turn Father’s Day into Jojo Day.
You see, ,my kids call me Jojo. My kids’ friends. My kids’ teachers. My kids’ friends’ parents. Its origin is quite simple. Scout the Elder was Agent Zero.
When my partner Eileen was pregnant with Scout, we talked about the name thing. Eileen had a preference to be called Mom and as she was handling the hard labor (literally), that seemed just right. But what will this baby call you, she asked? I don’t know. Let’s see what she comes up with.
See
Father’s Day in a house with lesbian moms.
The Star-Ledger - NJ.com
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Why Some People Are Gay: Notes (and Clues) from the Animal Kingdom
We have known for at least a decade that hundreds of animal species — including birds, reptiles, mollusks and, of course, humans — engage in same-gender sexual acts. But no one is quite sure why. After all, same-sex couplings don’t usually result in offspring. (I say usually because when male marine snails pair with other males, one partner conveniently changes sex, allowing for reproduction.) Evolutionarily speaking, homosexuality should have disappeared long ago.
A yearlong study just completed at the University of California at Riverside offers several fascinating competing theories about why same-gender sexual behavior has endured. And although it’s gay-pride month — and the 40th anniversary of the Stonewall riots that sparked the gay-rights movement — not all the theories will give same-gender-loving humans a reason to celebrate. (See the top 10 animal stories of 2007.)
One particularly charged finding is that in most species besides humans, same-gender pairings rarely lead to lifelong relationships. In other words, when one attractive bonobo male eyes another in a lovely patch of Congo swamp forest, they occasionally kiss and then move on to other oral pleasures, but they don’t bother anyone afterward about trying to legalize their right to an open-banana-bar ceremony. In fact, they are likely to move on to girl bonobos: most animals that engage in same-gender sex acts do so only when an opposite-sex partner is unavailable.
And yet the study’s authors, Nathan Bailey and Marlene Zuk of UC Riverside’s biology department, report some exceptions, like the laysan albatross. Last year, researchers studying a Hawaiian colony of albatrosses found that nearly a third of all the couples involved two females who courted and then shared parenting responsibilities. (Albatrosses don’t have U-Hauls, so no lesbian jokes, please.) Male chinstrap penguins also form long-term relationships, at least in captivity. And some male bighorn sheep will mount females only after the females adopt male-like behaviors.
What explains all these variances? Here are some hypotheses I collected from Bailey and Zuk’s paper as well as from some of their original sources:
See Why Some People Are Gay: Notes (and Clues) from the Animal Kingdom
TIME
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For gay couples, marriage entwines emotions, rights
SACRAMENTO — Yes, tying the knot gave them a huge emotional lift. But getting married also made practical sense to Paul Curtis and Ray Allen.
Marriage means more than just a ceremony and a certificate, according to legal specialists. It gives couples both gay and straight numerous rights and protections, having to do with everything from parenting to health care.
“It’s about being equal in the eyes of the law as well as culturally,” said Curtis, of Sacramento, who married his longtime partner in September, during a brief window of opportunity for gay couples in California.
On Tuesday, the California Supreme Court upheld Proposition 8, which defines marriage between a man and a woman, but left the marriages of 18,000 gay couples intact.
Proponents of gay marriage have vowed to put the issue before voters again, possibly as early as next year.
See For gay couples, marriage entwines emotions, rights
MiamiHerald.com - Miami,FL,USA
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Straight Teens: Oral Sex and Casual Prostitution No Biggie
They don’t give their names, but viewers can see their faces plainly and what these teens are saying is shocking parents. “I ended up having sex with more than one person that night and then in the morning I was trying to get morning-after pills,” one of the girls said. “I was, like, 14 at the time.”
It’s just one of dozens of stories from teenage girls in a new documentary by Canadian filmmaker Sharlene Azam that aims to shed light on the secret, extremely sexual lives of today’s teens.
After four years researching for the documentary, Azam told “Good Morning America” that oral sex is as common as kissing for teens and that casual prostitution — being paid at parties to strip, give sexual favors or have sex — is far more commonplace than once believed.
“If you talk to teens [about oral sex] they’ll tell you it’s not a big deal,” Azam said. “In fact, they don’t consider it sex. They don’t consider a lot of things sex.” See Teens: Oral Sex and Casual Prostitution No Biggie * Tags = gay men gay news lesbian news transgender bisexual
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Professional groups back gay marriage BurlingtonFreePress.com
Same-sex marriage rights got an endorsement Monday from four Vermont professional organizations who cited research findings that “children of lesbian and gay parents are as likely as those of heterosexual parents to flourish.”
They also said gay and lesbian parents are as likely as their heterosexual counterparts to provide healthy environments for children and that “there is no credible scientific evidence” relating parenting effectiveness to sexual orientation.
Their statement, which comes as the Vermont legislature prepares to consider same-sex marriage legislation, was released at a news conference called by the Vermont Psychological Association, the Vermont Psychiatric Association, the Vermont Association of Mental Health Counselors and the Vermont chapter of the National Association of Social Workers.
Speaking on the organizations’ behalf, Jackie Weinstock, an associate professor in the department of integrated professional studies at the University of Vermont, said the groups wanted to “set the record straight” by rebutting contentions by gay-marriage opponents that children raised by single-sex parents fare less well than their counterparts in heterosexual families.
“No study has shown that outcomes for children of single-sex families are any less positive than outcomes for children in heterosexual families,” Weinstock said. She said contrary findings sometimes cited by opponents apply in part to children of divorced parents, not exclusively to children of single-sex parents. She acknowledged that national studies of children in same-sex parents have been limited by small research samples. See Professional groups back gay marriage BurlingtonFreePress.com
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Gay parents row splits French government Indopia
A French bill granting rights to stepparents sparked a row in government today when a minister described it as an under-handed way of recognising gay parents and vowed to fight the measure.
Housing Minister Christine Boutin, a staunch Catholic and vocal opponent of gay rights in France, said the proposed legislation contained provisions on homosexual couples that were surreptitiously included.
“I will not accept that we recognise homosexual parenting and adoptions by homosexual couples in an under-handed way,”said Boutin in a statement.
“ Recognising the status of stepparents will lead to the de facto recognition of homosexual parenting and adoptions by homosexual couples,”she said.
President Nicolas Sarkozy last month announced the new legislation giving stepparents rights over the children they raise, saying it would bring the law in step with the modern reality of reconstituted families. See Gay parents row splits French government Indopia
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A Family in Jeopardy
Lambda Legal is representing Rita Goodman, a nonbiological mother who was awarded shared custody of the two boys she parented from birth with her former partner. Goodman’s ex–partner and the boys’ biological mother, Siobhan LaPiana, appealed the trial court order that awarded Goodman custody. Goodman and LaPiana planned the boys’ births together during their ten–year committed relationship. LaPiana gave birth but both women equally parented the children. After the couple split, LaPiana began restricting Goodman’s interaction with the boys, despite the parenting agreement they had drafted and signed before the birth of their first child. We argue that Ohio’s antigay constitutional amendment has no bearing on the court’s authority to order shared custody between former same–sex partners — the same conclusion reached by the Ohio Supreme Court in a similar case last year.
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Only in New Jersey: No gay marriage but gay divorce
The AP reports that gay marriages performed outside New Jersey are recognized in the state for the purpose of divorce, according to a ruling Friday by a judge deciding whether a lesbian couple married in Canada can split.
State Superior Court Judge Mary Jacobson said in an oral ruling that New Jersey, which doesn’t allow gays to marry, has a long history of recognizing marriages that are valid where they were performed.
“To grant the divorce here is not against public policy,” Jacobson said. “It’s consistent with the strong marriage recognition principles that have been practiced since the 1800s.”
See Only in New Jersey: No gay marriage but gay divorce
Proud Parenting
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Only in New Jersey: No gay marriage but gay divorce
The AP reports that gay marriages performed outside New Jersey are recognized in the state for the purpose of divorce, according to a ruling Friday by a judge deciding whether a lesbian couple married in Canada can split.
State Superior Court Judge Mary Jacobson said in an oral ruling that New Jersey, which doesn’t allow gays to marry, has a long history of recognizing marriages that are valid where they were performed.
“To grant the divorce here is not against public policy,” Jacobson said. “It’s consistent with the strong marriage recognition principles that have been practiced since the 1800s.”
See Only in New Jersey: No gay marriage but gay divorce
Proud Parenting
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Lambda Legal Defends Lesbian Mother in Ohio Custody Matter - ‘These children have a right to the love and support of both parents.’
(Cleveland, Ohio, January 21, 2009) — In court papers submitted in the Ohio Eighth District Court of Appeals, Lambda Legal defended a lesbian mother in her fight to continue to parent her 11 and 8 year old sons.
“These children have a right to the love and support of both of their parents,” said Camilla Taylor Senior Staff Attorney in Lambda Legal’s Midwest Regional Office in Chicago. “The Ohio Supreme Court already has said that Ohio’s antigay constitutional amendment does not prevent a same-sex couple from sharing custody of the children they are rearing together. We shouldn’t have to address this hurtful and discriminatory argument any longer. The trial court below in this case did the right thing by focusing on the needs of the children, and awarding shared custody to these women based on more than a century of Ohio case law allowing such orders.”
Lambda Legal represents Rita Goodman in her pursuit to continue to parent her two sons. Goodman and her former partner Siobhan LaPiana were in a committed relationship for 10 years. During that time the women planned and had two children. LaPiana gave birth to the children but both women equally parented the boys, who love and rely on both of them as their mothers. Before the birth of the first child, Goodman and LaPiana drafted and signed a parenting agreement detailing their intent to share all responsibilities of parenthood. After the couple split, LaPiana began restricting Goodman’s time with the boys. In February 2007, Goodman filed a lawsuit, and in August, 2008, the trial court ordered visitation for Goodman. LaPiana appealed, arguing, among other things, that Ohio’s antigay constitutional amendment prevents courts from entering orders permitting former lesbian partners to share custody, and that the court’s order unconstitutionally infringed on her right to autonomy as a parent.
Lambda Legal argues that Ohio’s antigay constitutional amendment has no impact on Ohio courts’ authority to order shared custody between former same-sex partners. Additionally, Lambda Legal argues that because LaPiana agreed to co-parent her children from birth with Goodman, it is constitutional for courts to step in to protect the children’s bonded relationship to Goodman.
On December 31, 2008, in the Lambda Legal case, In re J.D.F., the Ohio Supreme Court rejected a similar effort by a woman in a custody dispute with her former partner to use Ohio’s antigay constitutional amendment as a weapon to sever the parental relationship between her child and her former partner.
“This has always been about my sons and making sure they can rely on both of their parents. I made a promise to take care of them always — and I’m just trying to make good on that promise,” said Lambda Legal client Rita Goodman.
Lambda Legal represents Rita Goodman along with cooperating attorney Pamela J. MacAdams, of
Camilla Taylor, Senior Staff Attorney is handling the case for Lambda Legal. She is joined by co-counsel
Pamela J. MacAdams of Morganstern, MacAdams & DeVito Co., LPA, in Cleveland, Ohio.
The case is In re S.J.L. and J.K.L.
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