After the break-up, what about the lake house?
IT was a perfect party — vodka lemonade on a dock overlooking a lake, dozens of close friends, a cool misty night in the country a couple of hours north of New York.
Inside, the house spoke of a passionate interest in style, and of a committed relationship. Silhouettes of the couple who owned the house hung on a wall in the master bedroom; the couple’s nickname — Benford — was spelled out in large letters leaning against a wall in the kitchen.
But the couple, Benjamin Dixon, 31, and Bradford Shellhammer, 33, who had planned the evening as a commitment ceremony, had broken up three months earlier. Still, with airplane tickets purchased by some of the guests, a catering deposit paid and a house they haven’t been able to sell, they figured it made sense to go ahead and have a party anyway.
Their tale of lost love has a familiar arc — love sparks, then blooms; lives intertwine; moments are lost and misunderstandings creep in; eventually the two begin to live as strangers — and an epilogue that has become increasingly familiar as well, as unwanted houses become prisons rather than cocoons.
Rather than being a glossy testament to their taste and their partnership, their house in Stanfordville, in Dutchess County, is now a dead weight that entangles them and makes it impossible to move on. Having bought it and an apartment in Manhattan at the height of the real estate boom (and having made an agreement with a third partner in their lake house property not to sell it until December 2009), they are left with joint custody of two large mortgages. They are also left with two carefully decorated homes filled with one-of-a-kind accessories found on eBay and quirky furnishings by high-end designers like the Dutch collective Droog that are reminders of what came before and, Mr. Dixon said, “big reminders of what was supposed to be.”
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Church and Straight in CT
The Family Institute of Connecticut apparently blew too much money on Question 1 ads to afford a real lawyer.
We bet that’s why Pat Robertson’s non-profit firm, the American Center for Law and Justice, helped them bully the Connecticut Department of Children and Families into removing “open and affirming” churches from a list of gay-friendly resources on the department’s Web site on seperation of church and state grounds.
(No, really, the Family Institute of Connecticut accused someone else of misunderstanding the separation of church and state.)
“A handful of the links related to religious organizations considered to be — what are the words I want to use? — progressive on gay and lesbian issues,” explains Gary Kleeblatt, communications director for the DCF, who says the agency got a letter from the Family Institute inferring a lawsuit from Robertson’s team of cranks could be forthcoming.
Kleeblatt assures us the DCF is still “extremely enlightened to gay and lesbian issues. We welcome gays and lesbians to adopt. We also recognize there are gays and lesbians in our care. But we can’t be seen as endorsing any religious groups.”
Shirley Gadson, pastor of Bridgeport’s open and affirming Open Door Ministries, says, “I think that people have to realize Christ loves everybody and is open and affirming to everyone.”
Family Institute executive director Peter Wolfgang told our parent paper, the Hartford Courant, “We said all along that if same-sex marriage was imposed in Connecticut, the next thing that would happen would be an effort to reeducate Connecticut children.”
Yes, that’s right! First comes gay marriage and then comes … some constitutionally questionable links on the DCF’s Web site. Feel that? It’s the foundations of our society shaking!
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Grandfield teacher suspended for controversial play surrounding gay hate crime
Grandfield_A controversial play could cost Grandfield High School teacher Debra Taylor her job. She teaches the school’s Ethics and Street Law class, and says she was told by Superintendent Ed Turlington not to run a play titled “The Laramie Project.” The play is about a gay person who was murdered. After being forbidden to put on the play, Taylor held a mock funeral for the play in class so students could have closure. She says the mock funeral got her suspended.
7News spoke with Taylor, students, and parents on Thursday, but Turlington did not comment after our calls or emails. Taylor says she can’t comment either, but she hopes for a positive outcome.
The students say the superintendent didn’t think the subject matter of the play was appropriate for the community. Student Amber Squires says she doesn’t understand why her teacher was suspended. She says the class has covered other mature matters in the past, and that the matter must have been sensitive to school officials. “Our ethics class goes over stuff like that all the time,” she said. “Abortion, stem cells – this topic was very sensitive to our school or the school board.”
Amber says it wasn’t the sensitive subject matter that may have caused controversy. “They were trying to turn it into that we were promoting gay rights’ or something,” she said. Her mother agrees and wonders why Turlington waited until the students had worked for one month on the play before cancelling it. “He would know in advance what it was supposed to be about – that’s what I don’t understand about this whole thing is about,” said Elizabeth Squires.
Elizabeth says the entire thing may have been a misunderstanding from the beginning. She says the superintendent should have given it more thought. “He just took it the wrong way,” she said. “I don’t think he read the script, or knew what the story was really about.” Amber says she now is using her teachers own classroom lessons to defend her. “She always taught us to speak our minds and have our voices heard,” she said.
Amber says that the class has been turned into a reading class, and students have had to start the class over. She says they have had to learn a completely new curriculum. Turlington says the school board plans to meet next week to determine whether they will keep Taylor on as a teacher. He says he may be able to comment after that meeting.
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Stigma drives HIV-positive gay men’s sexual risk-taking
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Roger Pebody, Friday, March 06, 2009 |
HIV-positive gay men’s experiences of stigma and rejection by sexual partners strongly influence their involvement in casual sex and discourage them from practicing many risk-reduction strategies, report Sigma Research in their Relative Safety II report published this week.
The men they interviewed wished to balance their desire for sexual pleasure with a need to maintain their sense of moral integrity, but were often unable to avoid sex which could result in HIV transmission.
To follow up a similar study published a decade ago, Adam Bourne and colleagues interviewed 42 gay men with diagnosed HIV about their sexual practices and management of risk. The in-depth, qualitative interviews focused on recent experiences of unprotected anal intercourse (UAI), and to take part in the study, men had to have had unprotected sex in the past year. Therefore it’s important to note that the study does not reflect the experiences of the one-third of gay men with HIV who do not practice UAI in any given year.
The researchers attempted to include in the sample a mix of respondents from London and Manchester as well as lower prevalence areas, and also ensure diversity in terms of age and time since diagnosis.
All respondents were aware that they could transmit HIV through unprotected anal intercourse, and almost all said that they would never want to be responsible for doing so. Men more recently diagnosed tended to be particularly preoccupied by this concern, often avoiding sex altogether for a period after diagnosis.
In terms of the other harms which unprotected sex could give rise to, men tended to feel that sexually transmitted infections were rarely serious, although a few were more concerned about hepatitis C. Whilst some recently diagnosed men felt that HIV superinfection was an issue, men who had been diagnosed for longer usually believed that clinicians had deliberately exaggerated its importance.
Of more concern, however, were the emotional, psychological and social harms that unprotected sex could lead to. If men failed to live up to their own ethical guidelines, this could lead to inner turmoil. Moreover, some respondents described the perceived irresponsible behaviour of other HIV-positive men in order to highlight their own moral integrity. Having unprotected anal intercourse posed a threat both to a man’s positive sense of self and to the way in which other gay men saw him.
The researchers argue that men’s concerns about rejection and stigma shape they way they manage risk. Disclosure leaves men vulnerable to significant harm, including violent reactions and anxiety about ex-partners using police investigations as retribution, as well as rejection leading to emotional upset and problems finding sexual partners. In a community that often remains hostile to people with HIV, men’s instinct for self-preservation often leads them to choose behaviours where disclosure is felt to be unnecessary.
For example, many men used saunas, not just because sex was readily available, but also because the men assumed that almost all other sauna users were HIV-positive. Like online chat rooms or HIV support group meetings, saunas were thought to be ‘HIV positive spaces’ where men had implicitly announced their HIV status simply by being there. This allowed men to have unprotected sex there without an explicit discussion of HIV status, but leaving them with their sense of personal integrity intact.
In some settings, some men tried to avoid disclosure but maintain their sense of moral integrity by suggesting to sexual partners that it would be a good idea to use a condom. Nonetheless one man described how these suggestions prompted one sexual partner to ask directly whether he had HIV. When he said yes, the man became angry and left.
Another form of implicit disclosure that men tried was ticking ‘safer sex needs discussion’ on a Gaydar internet profile. Few men explicitly advertised their HIV status on their profile, but might mention it during private instant messaging. The respondents described ambiguities and misunderstandings in disclosure on the internet, but generally found that the internet enabled them to screen potential partners with less fear of disappointment or reprisal.
Nonetheless, the researchers found that men used risk reduction strategies to quite a limited extent. No respondents mentioned reducing the duration of anal intercourse or the impact that viral load or a sexually transmitted infection could have on the risk of transmission. Just a few men discussed the greater risk of infection for the receptive partner or the possible benefit of withdrawing before ejaculation.
Some men did practice some form of sero-sorting (seeking partners of the same HIV status) and respondents said that it allowed them to have uninhibited sex where HIV status did not remain the most salient concern throughout.
Nonetheless the researchers stress that no man exclusively practiced sero-sorting in a way that could guarantee that both partners had the same HIV status. Disclosure was often implicit (by being in a sauna, for example) or was not reciprocal. The respondent may have made an upfront disclosure of HIV status, and assumed that if his partner was ready to carry on without condoms, then he must be positive too.
However the majority of men actually rejected the idea of sero-sorting. It was associated in their minds with high-risk, esoteric practices, and in the words of one respondent, men who are “going spreading it round because they are shagging willy-nilly”. Many men were at pains to distance themselves from this behaviour. They were appalled by the idea that unprotected sex could ever be a regular or planned activity, and so rejected sero-sorting, strategic positioning, withdrawal before ejaculation and other risk reduction strategies.
Nonetheless these same men had all had some unprotected sex. It tended to be described as an exceptional event, explained by circumstances such as substance use or a partner’s insistence. The researchers make it clear that a number of men lacked the self-confidence or negotiation skills to manage such situations. Many men aspired to use a condom every time, but were not able to fall back on risk reduction strategies when, for whatever reason, condoms weren’t used.
In their conclusion the researchers note several consequences of HIV related stigma: a reluctance to disclose and an encouragement to have anonymous sex; some interviewees’ rejection of other HIV-positive men and their behaviour; a desire not to engage with the idea that HIV risk is an integral part of sex; and the reluctance to use risk-reduction strategies.
However they also note that, for many men, there are direct contradictions between their intentions and their behaviour. Many men construct systems of belief about risk that enable them to have the sex they desire, whilst feeling that they are ‘moral enough’. They believe they are behaving responsibly, but HIV transmission may well be taking place.
The researchers recommend tailored prevention interventions for diagnosed men which take account of the centrality of stigma, and discuss unprotected sex in credible and informative ways. Moreover health professionals need to improve their skills in engaging men with these issues.
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More anti-gay attacks on Ga. universities
The furor over “queer theory” and other reseach at Georgia’s public colleges and univesities has grown since this week’s issue of Southern Voice went to press, and shows disturbing signs of developing into a full-fledged witch hunt.
What started with comments from state Rep. Calvin Hill (see my editorial on that here) now includes Rep. Charlice Byrd, who spoke from the General Assembly well late this week to denounce “a major misuse of the state university system’s budget.”
“Did you know that the state universities offer such special interest classes and expertise on “Male prostitution”, “Queer Theory,” and “Oral Sex”? Yes, ladies and gentlemen… you heard right,” Byrd said, repeating Hill’s misunderstanding of topics listed in an “expert guide” distributed by Georgia State University.
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