Father’s Day in a house with lesbian moms.
Perhaps you are wondering what Father’s Day is like in a family with lesbian moms. Me too. Over the 19 years we have been parents, there has been no pattern.
I don’t sense any sadness from our kids about the holiday. It’s not like Valentine’s Day when you don’t have a valentine. But I am not naive. I am sure our kids find themselves wishing for a father from time to time but it remains unspoken. And while I hold my head up very high about the kind of parenting my partner and I provide for our three kids, yes, sometimes on Father’s Day I feel a tiny twinge. I can’t really describe it. It’s just a twinge.
I think it was partially due to that twinge that I lobbied many years ago to get Father’s Day.
Let’s be clear. It was not a gender confusion thing. I just thought it was quite practical. Think about the more thoughtful school or camp forms that don’t ask for “Mother” and “Father” but now ask for “Parent 1″ and “Parent 2.” I’m not suggesting that Hallmark become quite this thoughtful with their holidays but you get the idea. Mother’s Day in a house with lesbian moms, as I wrote about last month, can be a challenge. It’s quite an awesome day on the one hand and yet at the same time, it is not a singularly special day for either of us.
Thus my idea to turn Father’s Day into Jojo Day.
You see, ,my kids call me Jojo. My kids’ friends. My kids’ teachers. My kids’ friends’ parents. Its origin is quite simple. Scout the Elder was Agent Zero.
When my partner Eileen was pregnant with Scout, we talked about the name thing. Eileen had a preference to be called Mom and as she was handling the hard labor (literally), that seemed just right. But what will this baby call you, she asked? I don’t know. Let’s see what she comes up with.
See
Father’s Day in a house with lesbian moms.
The Star-Ledger – NJ.com
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Sen. Jeff Sessions Irked By Lesbian Mom’s Crying Child: “Enough With The Histrionics” (VIDEO)
Yesterday the Senate Judiciary Committee had a hearing on the Uniting American Families Act, a bill that will “amend the Immigration and Nationality Act to eliminate discrimination in the immigration laws by permitting permanent partners of United States citizens and lawful permanent residents to obtain lawful permanent resident status in the same manner as spouses of citizens and lawful permanent residents and to penalize immigration fraud in connection with permanent partnerships.” Of course, some of the discrimination that the bill would eliminate would benefit same-sex couples, so, CONTROVERSY!
One of the people who testified in support of the bill was a woman named Shirley Tan, who is in a same-sex relationship and thus caught in the crosshairs of existing law. The New Republic‘s James Kirchick documents her circumstances thusly:
Testifying was Shirley Tan, a Fillipino woman who has been with her American partner for 23 years. Together, they are raising twelve-year-old twin boys. She originally left the Phillipines after suffering a violent attack from a man who murdered her mother and sister (one of the reasons why Tan does not want to return to her native country, aside from the fact that her partner and children live in the U.S., is that the man who brutalized her has since been released from prison.) Tan was originally scheduled to be deported on April 3rd, but won a reprieve after Senator Diane Feinstein introduced a private bill allowing her to stay in the country temporarily.
Almost right from the start of Tan’s testimony, one of Tan’s young children started crying. The committee chairman, Pat Leahy, paused the testimony and offered the child some measure of comfort. According to Kirchick, these kindly sentiments were not shared by everyone on the committee:
For most people, the sight of a 12-year-old boy in tears at the prospect of his mother being deported halfway around the world would invoke some sympathy. Unmoved, however, was Alabama Republican Jeff Sessions, ranking minority member of the Committee and the only Republican to bother to attend the hearing. At the sight of the weeping boy, according to a Senate staffer who was at the hearing, Sessions leaned towards one of his aides and sighed, “Enough with the histrionics.” Sessions’s press secretary did not return a call seeking comment.
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Wanda Sykes is a lesbian mom
The lesbian comic and her wife Alex welcomed their newborn twins to the world.
Appeals court: No parental rights for lesbian mom
(New York City) A New York State appeals court has ruled that the former partner of a New York City woman has no legal parental rights to a child she helped rear.
The case involved two women, Debra H. and Janice R., who had a civil union in Vermont and then …
Lesbian mom wins deportation delay
(San Mateo, California) Shirley Tan has won a temporary delay so that she can appeal the deportation order that would have torn her from her life partner and their 12-year-old twin sons.
The stay in executing the order to deport Tan back to her native Philippines was obtained with the help …
Tennessee Court order Bars divorced mom’s Partner of 9 years from Staying Overnight When mom Has Custody And Visitation of children
ACLU Urges Tennessee Appeals Court To protect rights of lesbian mom
NASHVILLE – In a brief filed today, the American Civil Liberties Union is urging a Tennessee appeals court to remove a ban preventing a divorced mom from having her partner of nine years and her own children stay at her home at the same time. The trial court unconstitutionally imposed the so-called “paramour restriction” on the lesbian couple even though the psychologist who performed the custodial evaluation in the case found the partner to be a positive influence in the children’s lives.
“Of course I’m willing to do anything to be able to be with my children, but this is really tearing us apart,” said Angel Chandler. “It’s been a huge emotional and financial drain on our family. It forces us to live apart almost every night, and it is denying my children quality time with a positive role model and person they love.”
Chandler and her former spouse, Joseph Barker, have two children, a daughter, 13, and a son, 15. Since they divorced more than 10 years ago, they have shared custody of the two children over the years. They have both entered into new relationships. Chandler has been with her partner since 1999. Barker remarried approximately 5 years ago.
It was not until May 15, 2008, that the court issued the restriction barring Chandler’s partner from her home any nights her children are with her. It was imposed after Chandler and Barker appeared before the Gibson County Chancery Court to modify their parenting plan. Even though a court-ordered psychological evaluation of all the parties noted that Chandler’s partner was a positive influence on the children, the trial judge imposed the restriction under the erroneous belief that he was required to do so under state law.
The restriction has caused a huge strain on Chandler’s relationship. Right after the order was issued, Chandler’s partner was forced to move back to North Carolina, making it virtually impossible for the couple to spend time together. Eventually they both relocated to North Carolina where they now live in a duplex that allows them to abide by the order. But Chandler had to leave her job and has just recently found suitable employment. The restriction has also been harmful to Chandler’s children, especially her daughter, who enjoyed spending time with her mother’s partner and who looked to her for advice and guidance. Living in the duplex, the couple is also losing rental income they relied on before the court imposed the ban.
“By all accounts, this family was succeeding, having gotten through a divorce and introduced a new parent into the home. But nine years on, a Judge has done his best to destroy all that by imposing this impossible restriction,” said Christine Sun, the Southeast regional senior staff attorney with the ACLU’s Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Project. “We are hopeful that the appeals court will recognize that it is unfair to tear this family apart.”
The brief filed by the ACLU charges that the court was wrong to interpret state law as requiring it to impose the partner ban. The brief points out that while there is no evidence in the record to support the imposition of the restriction, there is ample evidence showing that the children were doing fine the first nine years when there were no restrictions on the children’s contact with the partner. The psychological report concluded that the children had a positive parent-like relationship with the partner and that children who grow up in homes headed by same-sex couples tend to develop normal social relationships. The brief also charges that the restriction is unconstitutional. It unconstitutionally interferes with Chandler’s ability to raise her children as she sees fit, and it places an impossible burden on gay and lesbian parents. The brief notes that unlike straight couples, who have the option of marrying, lesbians and gay men are barred from marrying in the state and would never be able to live with their partners under these restrictions.
“Unfortunately, this case is an all too familiar example of how unfairly lesbian and gay parents are treated in custody and visitation proceedings,” said Hedy Weinberg, Executive Director of the ACLU of Tennessee. “All the children’s health and welfare organization have long recognized that lesbian and gay parents are just as capable of being good parents as straight couples and their children are just as well adjusted. We’re hopeful the Tennessee courts will come to that realization too.”
In addition to Sun, Chandler is being represented by Lucian Pera and Brian Faughnan of Adams and Reese, LLP, Tricia Herzfeld of the ACLU of Tennessee, and Gregory Minton. A copy of the brief filed today in the Court of Appeals of Tennessee, Western Division is available at http://www.aclu.org/lgbt/parenting/38168res20081223.html.
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International alert for lesbian mom who disappeared with son
(London) A British Court has issued an international police alert for a lesbian who is believed to have fled the UK with the son she had with a gay friend.
The court also took the unusual step of publicly naming the parties involved in the case.
Usually, family court judges withhold the …
