Ask the Expert: ‘Do I buy my boyfriend an engagement ring?’
Stumped on when to send out your STDs (save-the-date announcements)? Don’t know who should be invited to your rehearsal dinner? Get the answers to all your wedding etiquette questions by submitting your dilemma to etiquette@equallywed.com [1]
Q I’m planning on proposing to my boyfriend, and I’m wondering how other men propose to one another? An engagement ring is really for females since they can wear an engagement and wedding ring. While I realize there are no rules, a man with two wedding bands just doesn’t make sense to me. Plus, I’d rather purchase rings together (most likely matching) with my partner when we are ready to wed. So what does one propose with? Another ring? A watch? I can’t seem to find anything about this online…
A gay marriage is all about embracing who you are and who you love, which means that you should do what makes sense for you, and if that’s wearing an engagement ring, a wedding band and stackable anniversary bands up to your fingernail, then by all means, feel free.
But to give you a proper answer from a man’s point of view, we deferred to a groom who’s recently been in your situation, Steve Schessler, who makes up half of one our Real Weddings couples in our Spring issue of Equally Wed magazine. Read about his and Jonathan’s wedding here [2].
[3]
Schessler says, “For our part, I bought an engagement ring for Jonathan after some months of sideways questioning, ‘So do you like something like this?’ or ‘Do you remember your ring size?’ Not so indirect, but he somehow still wasn’t thinking the proposal was on the horizon, and coming closer. In the end, the main stipulations were no stones, simple design and a fairly thin band. I found the perfect one at Cartier, from their ‘Love’ series.
“After the proposal, Jonathan decided he wanted to get an engagement ring for me as well, so we went back to Cartier and found a complementary ring from the same collection, but bigger for my larger hands.
“At our wedding in Atlanta, we exchanged these same rings, and had planned to go without a band. We then were invited to participate in a No on Prop 8 fundraiser in San Francisco, where we’d already moved, for our legal California ceremony. As part of that event at the Bently Reserve, Shreve & Co. donated two bands of our choosing—and we now wear both our original engagement bands and the very thin Furrer Jacot rose-gold bands from the legal ceremony.
“We have some friends who used engagement rings (with both guys always getting one eventually) and then exchanged them at their wedding as well, while we know a few other couples, who did both engagement rings and wedding bands. The biggest difference, I think, is that both of the guys have the same number of rings—either one, if they re-exchange, or two, if they add bands.”
Kirsten Palladino is Editor in Chief of Equally Wed, the nation’s premier same-sex wedding magazine, online at www.equallywed.com [4]. Equally Wed offers gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender couples an extensive, trustworthy and fashionable guide of inspiration, ideas and trends for planning their engagements, weddings and honeymoons, as well as their happily ever after. The photo-rich site is home to Equally Wed’s Local Resources, a veritable marketplace of vetted GLBT-friendly wedding vendors across the United States and abroad. It also offers an interactive social community to talk to other readers about all things wedding, as well as the latest news from the frontlines of the fight for marriage equality. Follow Kirsten on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/equallywedeic [5].
[1] http://www.365gay.commailto:etiquette@equallywed.com
[2] http://equallywed.com/real-weddings-main/real-weddings-jonathan-and-steve.html
[3] http://www.365gay.com/wp-content/uploads/news-marriage-men-rings-wedding-top.jpg
[4] http://www.equallywed.com
[5] http://www.twitter.com/equallywedeic
More men file sexual harassment suits
(WASHINGTON) Jonathan Pilkington’s boss wouldn’t take no for an answer.
During more than two years as a food runner at an upscale steakhouse in Scottsdale, Ariz., Pilkington says his male supervisor groped, fondled and otherwise sexually harassed him more than a dozen times.
“It was very embarrassing,” Pilkington said. “I felt like …
Jonathan Rossquits BBC
Jonathan Ross
quits BBC
Sailor who killed self in brig was being watched
(Camp Pendleton, Calif.) Authorities say a Navy petty officer charged with murdering a Camp Pendleton sailor killed himself in a brig that was under video surveillance because he’d made two previous suicide attempts.
Jonathan Campos was on suicide watch when he apparently stuffed toilet paper in his mouth and suffocated Friday.
Pendleton …
Sailor charged with murder commits suicide
(San Diego) A sailor charged with murder who committed suicide in the brig at Camp Pendleton asphyxiated himself by stuffing toilet paper in his mouth, according to a U.S. Navy spokesman.
Petty Officer Jonathan Campos was found unresponsive in his cell about 12:20 p.m. Friday, said Navy spokesman Doug Sayers. He …
Navy: Murder charge filed in gay seaman’s death
(San Diego) The U.S. Navy says a sailor has been charged in military court with murder and other offenses in the shooting death of a gay San Diego seaman.
Petty Officer Jonathan Campos of Lancaster, Calif., was charged Thursday in connection to last month’s fatal shooting of Seaman August Provost of …
Sailor arrested in Camp Pendleton shooting death of seaman
SAN DIEGO – A sailor was charged Thursday with fatally shooting and burning Seaman August Provost during an alleged burst of crime June 30 at Camp Pendleton.
In announcing the charges, Navy officials suggested that Petty Officer 2nd Class Jonathan Campos killed his victim indiscriminately. They again said there’s no evidence of a hate crime against Provost, who was gay, or of gang-related activity.
Campos, 32, of Lancaster, had served with Provost on Assault Craft Unit 5. He faces 16 charges, including murder, arson, unlawful entry, theft of military property and wrongful possession of a firearm, Capt. Matt Brown, a spokesman for Navy Region Southwest, said during a news conference Thursday afternoon at the San Diego Naval Base.
The Navy hasn’t announced a date for Campos’ pretrial hearing, called an Article 32 hearing.
See Sailor arrested in Camp Pendleton shooting death of seaman
San Diego Union Tribune –
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What will parents do to avoid having a gay son?
In the early 1990s, when genetic research was far less advanced than today, Jonathan Tolins posed the question: If a woman knew in advance that her male baby would be born gay, would she still go through with the pregnancy?
That’s the premise of his 1992 drama “The Twilight of the Golds,” which was filmed for cable television in 1997 and which receives an emotionally gripping staging courtesy of Theatre Out.
Through her husband’s medical research firm, which has devised genetic testing of fetuses, the pregnant Suzanne Gold-Stein (Jennifer Pearce) has discovered that her baby boy has the genetic markers of homosexuality.
The question of whether to keep the baby is, in fact, illuminated by the family’s firsthand experience: Suzanne’s brother David (Tim Woods) is gay, a factor that has, despite their denials, always affected his bond with her and with their parents.
The play is told from the opera-loving David’s point of view, its title a pun drawn from “The Twilight of the Gods,” the fourth opera in Wagner’s “Ring” Cycle. He frames the play’s focal issue when he asks, “What difference does being gay make?” As the story progresses, its ethical complications are magnified, even as Tolins takes time out to assail the materialism of the 1980s.
Complicating the ethical dilemma posed by Tolins is the way it splits the family. For David, who is, ironically, pro-choice, aborting the baby is tantamount to killing him. As much as she dotes on David, mom Phyllis (Karen Harris) has to admit that “it hurts to see your child become something different.”
Seeing genetic testing as a boon to mankind, Suzanne’s husband Rob (Eric James) insists that he and Suzanne “don’t need David to tell us how to live our lives,” while patriarch Walter Gold (Rick Kopps) maintains that “it’s Rob and Suzanne’s decision.”
See What will parents do to avoid having a gay son?
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Jubilation muted on Calif gay marriage anniversary
(San Francisco) Jonathan Abernethy-Deppe vividly remembers the bustling city clerk’s office and the happiness of fellow couples a year ago Tuesday when California began granting same-sex marriage licenses.
But he and his now-husband, David, say their first anniversary won’t be nearly as jubilant. Last month the state Supreme Court upheld a …
KATHY GRIFFIN, BISHOP GENE ROBINSON, MILK, DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES, THE NEW ADVENTURES OF OLD CHRISTINE, THE ELLEN DEGENERES SHOW, AQUÍ Y AHORA HONORED AT 20TH ANNUAL GLAAD MEDIA AWARDS PRESENTED BY IBM
Los Angeles, Sunday, April 19, 2009 – Ellen DeGeneres, Portia de Rossi, Jessica Alba, T.R. Knight, Kate Walsh, Teri Hatcher, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Megan Mullally, Bill Paxton, Jennifer Beals, Alan Cumming and Gus Van Sant were among the celebrities who joined the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) as the organization honored Kathy Griffin, the Rt. Rev. V. Gene Robinson, and the best in film, television and journalism last night at the 20th Annual GLAAD Media Awards in Los Angeles.
Photo: Kathy Griffin received the Vanguard Award at the 20th Annual GLAAD Media Awards at the Nokia Theatre L.A. Live in Los Angeles, April 18, 2009. © 2009 Vince Bucci/WireImage. All Rights Reserved.
GLAAD, the nation’s lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) media advocacy and anti-defamation organization, present the GLAAD Media Awards to recognize and honor media for their fair, accurate and inclusive representations of the LGBT community and the issues that affect their lives.
At the ceremony, T.R. Knight presented the Vanguard Award to Kathy Griffin, a strong ally of the LGBT community, who regularly includes LGBT people in her Bravo reality program Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List and in her live comedy shows. In media outlets around the world, Griffin is a vocal advocate for marriage equality for same-sex couples, and regularly supports LGBT community organizations. The Vanguard Award is presented to individuals who, through their work, have increased the visibility and understanding of the LGBT community in the media.
“This is a thrill and an honor and an awesome night,” Griffin said in her acceptance speech. “You guys have been so good to me. I appreciate you, I get you, I love you, and I’ll keep making you laugh as long as you’ll let me! Thank you!”
Also at the event, Oscar-winning screenwriter Dustin Lance Black and Cleve Jones, creator of the AIDS Memorial Quilt, presented the Stephen F. Kolzak Award to Bishop Gene Robinson, the first openly gay Bishop in the history of the Episcopal church. The Stephen F. Kolzak Award is presented to an openly lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender person who has made a significant difference in promoting equal rights for the LGBT community in the media.
Photo: (l. – r.) Cleve Jones and Dustin Lance Black presented the Stephen F. Kolzak Award to Bishop Gene Robinson at the 20th Annual GLAAD Media Awards with GLAAD President Neil G. Giuliano (r.) at the Nokia Theatre L.A. Live in Los Angeles, April 18, 2009. © 2009 Jeff Vespa/WireImage. All Rights Reserved.
“It is such an honor to be here, and to be honored by the Board of GLAAD….To have you say thanks in this way just means the world to me,” Robinson said accepting his award. Speaking of the LGBT movement, Robinson continued, “We need to be in this for the long haul…Just because we achieved civil rights in the sixties for African Americans, it doesn’t mean racism is gone. Because we achieved rights for women in the seventies, it doesn’t mean sexism is gone….But we can stay in this fight because we know how it’s is going to end. This is going to end with full equality for LGBT people in our churches and in society. I have no doubt of it.”
Alan Cumming presented a Special Recognition Award to The L Word which completed its sixth and final season on Showtime in March. Show creator Ilene Chaiken accepted the award with cast members Jennifer Beals, Leisha Hailey and Katherine Moenning. At the 17th Annual GLAAD Media Awards in 2005, The L Word received the award for Outstanding Drama Series.
In her remarks, Chaiken commented on the continuing need to advocate for the inclusion of LGBT characters in the media. “At this moment in history, when marriage equality is virtually inevitable and maybe even imminent, when we’ve welcomed new LGBT civil rights legislation in Iowa, Colorado, Washington D.C., New Hampshire and soon New York…how can it be that LGBT people – after years of slow but promising momentum – have careened backwards in terms of representation in mainstream popular entertainment media?” Chaiken said.
Chaiken continued, “GLAAD has been working vigilantly to ensure that the defamation of LGBT people does not go unchecked. GLAAD’s been working to ensure that our lives are visible in the news and in the media. GLAAD’s work is vital and critical to helping us to achieve the milestones that are lifting LGBT people to our rightful place of full, unfettered equality. Thank you, GLAAD. And thank you Showtime, for six wonderful years…Thanks for breaking ground and for having the courage of your convictions. Now let’s do it again. Let’s do it more. Let’s do it often. Let’s do it always.”
GLAAD also recognized Prop 8: The Musical, a video created for FunnyorDie.com in response to the passage of Proposition 8, a California ballot initiative which eliminated the right to marry for same-sex couples. Directed by Adam Shankman and written by Marc Shaiman, the video received over one million hits on its first day online. During the show, Miss Coco Peru and the Gay Men’s Chorus of Los Angeles performed the song live onstage. Shankman accepted the award on behalf of the team of creators.
Milk received the GLAAD Media Award for Outstanding Film – Wide Release. The award was accepted by director Gus Van Sant, screenwriter Dustin Lance Black, and producers Bruce Cohen and Dan Jinks. Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi accepted a GLAAD Media Award for the episode “Ellen & Portia’s Wedding Day” from The Ellen DeGeneres Show nominated for Outstanding Talk Show Episode. Show creator Marc Cherry, along with Teri Hatcher, Dana Delaney, Kyle MacLachlan, Tuc Watkins, Kevin Rahm, Andrea Bowen and Brenda Strong accepted the award for Outstanding Comedy Series for Desperate Housewives. The episode “Unidentified Funk” from The New Adventures of Old Christine received the award for Outstanding Individual Episode (in a series without an LGBT character), and show creator Kari Lizer, cast members Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Clark Gregg accepted with award with episode guest star Megan Mullally. Finally, Univision news program Aquí y Ahora received the award for Outstanding TV Journalism – Newsmagazine for its story about the murder of transgender teenager Angie Zapata. Monica Zapata, Angie’s sister, accepted the award with Univision producer Belissa Morillo.
Photo: (l. – r.) Director Gus Van Sant, screenwriter Dustin Lance Black, producer Dan Jinks and producer Bruce Cohen accepted the award for Outstanding Film – Wide Release for Milk at the 20th Annual GLAAD Media Awards at the Nokia Theatre L.A. Live in Los Angeles, April 18, 2009. © 2009 Jeff Vespa/WireImage. All Rights Reserved.
GLAAD Media Award-winning performer Miss Coco Peru hosted the show, and award-winning Broadway stars Cheyenne Jackson and Jennifer Holliday performed for the black tie audience at the Nokia Theatre. Photo: Miss Coco Peru hosted the 20th Annual GLAAD Media Awards at the Nokia Theatre L.A. Live in Los Angeles, April 18, 2009. © 2009 Vince Bucci/WireImage. All Rights Reserved.
Other celebrity guests at the event included: Jessica Alba, Chad Allen and Jeremy Glazer, Jensen Atwood, Jennifer Beals, Bebe Zahara Benet, Dustin Lance Black, Andrea Bowen, Ilene Chaiken, Justin Chambers, Marc Cherry, Bruce Cohen and Dan Jinks, Matt Cohen, Jennifer Elise Cox, Wilson Cruz, Alan Cumming, Katelynn Cusanelli, Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi, Dana Delaney, Kirby Dick, Ileana Douglas, Randolph Duke, Joely Fisher, Scott Michael Foster, David Furnish, Robert Gant, Rebecca Gayheart, Thea Gill, Spencer Grammer, Clark Gregg, Kathy Griffin, Greg Grunberg, Leisha Hailey, Teri Hatcher, Cheyenne Jackson, Maurice Jamal, Paul James, Cleve Jones, Dan Karaty, T.R. Knight, Rex Lee, Jeff Lewis and Ryan Brown, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Jane Lynch, Justina Machado, Camryn Manheim, Alec Mapa, Kyle MacLachlan, Katherine Moenning, Megan Mullally, Mary Murphy, Ryan Murphy, Mandy Musgrave, Nichelle Nichols, Lupe Ontiveros, Cheri Oteri, Peter Paige, Bill Paxton, Miss Coco Peru, Patrik-Ian Polk, Kevin Rahm, Bishop Gene Robinson, Gabriel Romero, Howard Rosenman , Brad Rowe, Adam Shankman, Sean Smith, Darren Star, Darryl Stephens, Amber Stevens, Brenda Strong, George Takei and Brad Altman, Bruno Tonioli, Gus Van Sant, Christian Vincent, Kate Walsh, Tuc Watkins, Trevor Wright, Monica Zapata, and GLAAD President Neil G. Giuliano.
Following is a complete list of GLAAD Media Award recipients announced Saturday in Los Angeles. Additional awards will be presented in San Francisco on May 9 at the Hilton San Francisco. Previously awards were presented in New York at the Marriot Marquis on March 28.
- Vanguard Award: Kathy Griffin (presented by T.R. Knight)
- Stephen F. Kolzak Award: The Rt. Rev. V. Gene Robinson (presented by Dustin Lance Black and Cleve Jones)
- Special Recognition: The L Word (Showtime) [Accepted by: show creator Ilene Chaiken, with Jennifer Beals, Katherine Moennig, and Leisha Hailey]
- Special Recognition: Prop 8: The Musical (FunnyorDie.com) [Accepted by: director Adam Shankman]
- Outstanding Film – Wide Release: Milk (Focus Features) [Accepted by: director Gus Van Sant, screenwriter Dustin Lance Black, and producers Bruce Cohen and Dan Jinks]
- Outstanding Comedy Series: Desperate Housewives (ABC) [Accepted by: show creator Marc Cherry, Teri Hatcher, Dana Delaney, Kyle MacLachlan, Tuc Watkins, Kevin Rahm, Andrea Bowen and Brenda Strong]
- Outstanding Individual Episode (in a series without an LGBT character): “Unidentified Funk” The New Adventures of Old Christine (CBS) [Accepted by: Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Megan Mullally, Clark Gregg, and show creator Kari Lizer]
- Outstanding Talk Show Episode: “Ellen & Portia’s Wedding Day” The Ellen DeGeneres Show (syndicated) [Accepted by: Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi]
- Outstanding Spanish-Language TV Journalism – Newsmagazine: “A juzgar por las apariencias” y “En otro cuerpo” Aquí y Ahora (Univision) [Accepted by: Univision producer Belissa Morillo and Monica Zapata, sister of murdered transgender teenager Angie Zapata]
GLAAD also announced that Brothers & Sisters (ABC) received the award for Outstanding Drama Series and Secrets of the Trade by Jonathan Tolins received the award for Outstanding Los Angeles Theater production.
Support from corporate partners allowed GLAAD to offer free or low-cost tickets to the event to over 1000 youth and young adults from the Southern California area. Fox television network also sponsored a special youth after-party, which included appearances by the cast and producers of Fox’s upcoming series Glee, as well as celebrity attendees from Milk, The L Word, Greek, Grey’s Anatomy, and Noah’s Arc.
Many of last night’s guests wore white ribbons provided by WhiteKnot.org. These ribbons symbolize support for marriage equality for same-sex couples.
More than 100 corporate sponsors are showing their support, including National Presenting Partner IBM and Local Presenting Partners ABSOLUT® VODKA and Prudential. GLAAD is also grateful to the event’s Platinum Underwriters Comcast, TimeWarner and University of Phoenix. AT&T, Allstate Insurance Company, American Airlines, Barefoot Wine, Disney/ABC Television Group, HMS Media, Herb Ritts Foundation, New York City Marriott & Renaissance Hotels, Renaissance New York Hotel, MillerCoors, NBC Universal, PricewaterhouseCoopers LLP, Southwest Airlines, The Terry Watanabe Charitable Trust and Wyndham Hotel Group support the 20th Annual GLAAD Media Awards as Underwriter Partners.
For a full list of corporate sponsors or information on how to become a corporate sponsor, purchase tickets or a tribute journal ad, please visit www.glaad.org/mediaawards or contact Stamp Event Management at (877) 519-7904 or glaad@stampeventco.com.
About GLAAD
The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) is dedicated to promoting and ensuring fair, accurate and inclusive representation of people and events in the media as a means of eliminating homophobia and discrimination based on gender identity and sexual orientation. For more information, please visit http://www.glaad.org/.
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