After the break-up, what about the lake house?
IT was a perfect party — vodka lemonade on a dock overlooking a lake, dozens of close friends, a cool misty night in the country a couple of hours north of New York.
Inside, the house spoke of a passionate interest in style, and of a committed relationship. Silhouettes of the couple who owned the house hung on a wall in the master bedroom; the couple’s nickname — Benford — was spelled out in large letters leaning against a wall in the kitchen.
But the couple, Benjamin Dixon, 31, and Bradford Shellhammer, 33, who had planned the evening as a commitment ceremony, had broken up three months earlier. Still, with airplane tickets purchased by some of the guests, a catering deposit paid and a house they haven’t been able to sell, they figured it made sense to go ahead and have a party anyway.
Their tale of lost love has a familiar arc — love sparks, then blooms; lives intertwine; moments are lost and misunderstandings creep in; eventually the two begin to live as strangers — and an epilogue that has become increasingly familiar as well, as unwanted houses become prisons rather than cocoons.
Rather than being a glossy testament to their taste and their partnership, their house in Stanfordville, in Dutchess County, is now a dead weight that entangles them and makes it impossible to move on. Having bought it and an apartment in Manhattan at the height of the real estate boom (and having made an agreement with a third partner in their lake house property not to sell it until December 2009), they are left with joint custody of two large mortgages. They are also left with two carefully decorated homes filled with one-of-a-kind accessories found on eBay and quirky furnishings by high-end designers like the Dutch collective Droog that are reminders of what came before and, Mr. Dixon said, “big reminders of what was supposed to be.”
See After the break-up, what about the lake house?
New York Times
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Gay youth risk his life, Why?
Most people don’t realize just how traumatizing high school is for some kids. If you “odd,” “strange,” or just “different” from the other kids you better have some pretty thick skin. In the homosexual community, the youth don’t have a built up tolerance to the taunting and teasing. The higher risk of suicide is attributed to the violence, whether it is verbal harassment of physical assaults. Young adults don’t have the control over their opinions that most adults should have.
People like to point fingers and say that “if they weren’t gay they wouldn’t have committed suicide.” That is the worst statement, to think that someone was so ashamed of themselves that they would take their own life just because. They must be provoked and really hurting inside to do that. People who come out and say “look I’m gay” are comfortable with it, they aren’t ashamed or sorry about the way they are
The most common situation that kids are in when they commit suicide goes something like this:
A young boy around 16 knows he is gay and has come to terms with it. He accepts it and is now ready to come out and tell everyone, because he is proud of himself for coming to such a big realization. So, he admits to his close friends and some are happy for him and are really supportive of his choice. But then there a few, or maybe just one, he is best friend and one of the football team favorites. He is shocked, tells his friend that he isn’t gay, it’s impossible. They have known each other for years and it just isn’t true. Eventually, the best starts avoiding him, making “gay” jokes about him, and starts taunting him with the other kids. Then it starts getting physical, fights with a few kids everyday and the taunts get worse. The young boy can’t handle being bruised daily, having things thrown at him, his stuff vandalized and has nowhere to hide.
The school says they’ll talk to the others, which only make things worse because he told on them, he wanted them to get in trouble. Parents say that it is just boys being boys and to “tough it out.” In the end the boy sees suicide as an easy end to an impossible situation.
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Friend of late Coretta Scott King to discuss her gay activism
Winston Johnson of Atlanta, who was a longtime friend of Coretta Scott King, will take part in a discussion with Dave Hayward of the gay Atlanta history project Touching Up Our Roots at YouthPride tonight. A reception begins at 6:30 p.m. with Johnson speaking at 7:30 p.m. The program is part of Atlanta’s numerous MLK Weekend events.
Johnson, who is gay, met Mrs. King right after the assassination of her husband, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. They became close friends and he eventually helped her begin her vocal gay advocacy after the U.S. Supreme Court ruled in in 1986 in Bowers v. Hardwick — a case that arose from Atlanta — that it was within a state’s right to arrest gay people who violated the state’s sodomy law.
Numerous parties are also taking place tonight as part of MLK Weekend, including an appearance by “Real Housewives of Atlanta” star Sheree Whitfield at Vita.
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