Those who argue that same-sex parenting “deprives” a child of its mother or father sometimes ask, “How would you feel if your mother or father were taken away?”

My answer to that question is, of course, “I’d feel terrible.” But that fact scarcely settles the matter.

I’d feel terrible if anyone close to me were taken away. But that presupposes that the person “taken away” is already a part of my life. It doesn’t follow that their not being present in the first place would “deprive” me.

My grandparents were all an important part of my life, but suppose they had all died before I was born. Would anyone have accused my parents of “depriving” me of grandparents, simply by bringing me into existence? Of course not.

I grant that the cases are not exactly parallel. If my grandparents had died before I was born, my parents could hardly be held responsible for their absence (barring matricide or patricide).

By contrast, the lesbian who visits a sperm bank—just like straight women who visit sperm banks—may consciously intend to raise a child in its biological father’s absence, and thus has some responsibility for that absence (as does the father).

It is this fact that bothers our opponents. In their view, the lesbian and others in this (hypothetical but common) case are conspiring to deprive the child of its biological father. If we care to answer their concerns, we need to address this case.

Before doing so, however, it is worth pointing out several things. First, the objection doesn’t touch those who become parents by adoption. In such cases, opponents might still object that the lesbian is depriving the child of SOME father. But they can’t coherently claim that she is depriving it of ITS OWN father—and that is the objection I wish to focus on here. (Presumably, its own father is no longer in the picture—hence the adoption.)

Second, the objection applies equally to heterosexual women who seek anonymous sperm donors. Most people who use sperm banks are heterosexual, and most gays and lesbians never use sperm banks. So this is not an objection to gay parenting or gay marriage per se.

Third, and related, when applied to same-sex marriage the objection involves a blatant non-sequitur. It is one thing to argue against anonymous sperm donation. It is quite another to use that argument to oppose marriage for gays and lesbians. For even if one accepts the “no sperm banks” argument, it seems unfair to punish those gays and lesbians who do not use them. It is also unfair to punish those children whose parents did use them: such children exist, after all, and forbidding marriage to their parents (i.e. the ones that care for them) makes their lives less stable.

With these caveats in mind, we can return to the question at hand: is the lesbian (or for that matter, the straight woman) who uses an anonymous sperm donor “depriving” the child of its biological father?

The problem with answering this question is that the word “depriving” is so loaded that any response is likely to have unintended (and unpalatable) side effects. Answer “yes,” and you insult the many good mothers who have used anonymous sperm donors and have provided wonderful lives for their resulting children. You also potentially hurt the children, by suggesting to them that they lead “deprived” lives.

Answer “no,” and you seem to ignore the research that says that children do better, on average, with their own biological parents than in other family forms. You also suggest that there’s nothing special about growing up with one’s own biological father.

I for one wouldn’t want to make the latter claim. That’s partly because I am moved by the firsthand stories of people who have grown up not knowing one or more of their biological parents and feel a genuine sense of loss as a result. Their longing is real and should not be lightly dismissed.

But it’s also because I myself feel that there’s something special about the biological bond I have with my parents. The fact that I am literally flesh of their flesh moves me, for reasons that go beyond sentimentality.

The question is whether we can acknowledge this significance without casting aspersions on those whose parent-child bonds are non-biological.

I think we can. To say that the biological bond is special is not to say that it’s the only significant bond, or that those who lack it are deprived of something necessary (much less sufficient) for a strong and healthy parent-child relationship.

More to the point, to say that the biological bond is special is hardly justification for “depriving” an entire group of people of the opportunity to marry.

***********

John Corvino, Ph.D. is an author, speaker, and philosophy professor at Wayne State University in Detroit. His column “The Gay Moralist” appears Fridays on 365gay.com.

For more about John, visit www.johncorvino.com [1].

[1] http://www.johncorvino.com

French lesbians win adoption right

States with more Catholics more favor gay rights

Want to predict which state might move next to legalize same-sex marriage? You might count Catholics. The higher their percentage of the population, the more likely the state is to… support gay rights.

This counter-intuitive finding is brought to you with a tip of two hats — mine to Mark Silk at Spiritual Politics and his to Robbie Jones who led Silk to a new study soon by be published by two Columbia University political scientists.

Jeffrey Lax and Justin Phillips examined public support and resulting political policy on eight issues including marriage, housing, adoption and hate crimes.

The main thrust of the study was to examine whether there is “pro-gay bias in policy making” (the authors conclude no) or a tyranny of local majorities “in which anti-gay majorities trump minority rights” (the authors again say no).

See States with more Catholics more favor gay rights

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Maine court upholds IBM heir’s adoption of lover

(Portland, Maine) Maine’s highest court has given a legal victory to a woman who stands to stake a claim to a share of one of America’s premier business fortunes thanks to her adoption by her lesbian partner.

The Maine Supreme Judicial Court on Thursday overturned a 2008 lower court decision that …

Homosexuals dispel myth of “progressive”

Each year in Germany, from the end of June through August, gay and lesbian rights’ activists celebrate the “Stonewall” uprising – named after a gay bar on Christopher Street in New York, where homosexuals fought back against police brutality in 1969.

Participants in the German parades known as “Christopher Street Day” join other activists around the world who take to the streets to demonstrate gay pride and demand greater freedoms.

Some of those freedoms would include expanded civil rights. In Germany, civil unions, for instance, have been permitted among same-sex couples since 2001, but full marriages are not. Homosexual couples therefore do not enjoy the same rights as married heterosexual couples when it comes to taxes, retirement, civil servant benefits, or adoption law.

For more on gay and lesbian rights and the community in Germany, click on the links below, or listen to this week’s “Living in Germany” program to hear a more personal account of a homosexual civil union.

DW-WORLD.DE

Audios and videos on the topic

Audio: Listen to this personal story on DW’s “Living in Germany” from July 13, 2009.

See Homosexuals dispel myth of “progressive” Germany Deutsche Welle

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DC Law Helps Lesbian Couples Become Moms

A new D.C. law is making it a lot easier for a newborn to have two mommies from birth. According to the law, which went into effect on July 18, the District of Columbia will confer “the status of legal parent on both lesbian mothers who plan a child using donor insemination,” Nancy Polikoff reports.

In the past, the birth mother’s partner would have to go through an adoption process to become a legal parent of the child; now, the second mommy just needs to fill out some paperwork to demonstrate her “written consent” of parenthood. Polikoff notes that the new law is “marital status-neutral and gender-neutral,” so it will change parenthood policy in a couple of other situations as well:

See DC Law Helps Lesbian Couples Become Moms Washington City Paper

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Law Extends Parental Rights for Gays

Lesbians in the District no longer will need the written consent of their partners to adopt children born to their partners through artificial insemination, under a new law that took effect Saturday.

The name of a consenting spouse or unmarried partner will appear on the child’s birth certificate as the legal parent, a status that previously had to be obtained by same-sex parents through a complicated adoption process.

The Domestic Partnership Judicial Determination Parentage Act of 2009 puts the city out front when it comes to children born of same-sex parents, according to the National Center for Lesbian Rights (NCLR), the Gay and Lesbian Activists Alliance of Washington (GLAA) and American University law professor Nancy Polikoff.

See Law Extends Parental Rights for Gays

Washington Post

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Florida Gov. Charlie Crist gives different answers on gay adoption

As a part of his statewide tour for “Explore Adoption Day,” Crist spoke to a crowded courtroom at the Duval County Courthouse about the increase in adoptions throughout the state.

Crist and other adoption advocates talked about the need for even more adoption, especially for older children who have a difficult time making it out of the system.

When he was running for governor in 2006, Crist told The St. Petersburg Times, “My position is the traditional family is the best to adopt.” He reaffirmed that statement on Wednesday in Jacksonville.

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Another “DOMA GOP” politican has zipper trouble: Sen. Paul Stanley Caught in Sex Scandal

Well, it was only a matter of time, wasn’t it? According to authorities, one of our own social conservative Republicans has been caught cheating on his wife, and he was doing it with a young legislative intern. At this juncture, we’re going to resist the temptation to make a joke about family values. That’s getting so old it’s not funny anymore.

Suffice it to say that like John Ensign, Mark Sanford and all the rest on the national stage lately, this one is really rich–with a little homemade porn and a bumbling blackmailer tossed into the story to make it even spicier. Ensnared in Tennessee’s own sex scandal tonight is Sen. Paul Stanley, the wingnut from Germantown who has crusaded to ban gay adoption of children and who once made the really stupid mistake of saying: “When you’re married, there’s a commitment there.”

According to court documents, here’s what happened: Stanley, who is married with two children, was having an affair with his 22-year-old legislative intern, McKensie Morrison. Morrison’s boyfriend, Joel Palmer Watts. 28, discovered a computer memory disc with sexually explicit photographs of Morrison that appeared to have been taken in Stanley’s apartment. Watts then blackmailed Stanley, demanding $10,000 in return for keeping quiet about the senator’s relationship with his intern.

See Sen. Paul Stanley Caught in Sex Scandal

Nashville Scene

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