On Saturday 29 March, the Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Act for England and Wales comes into force. Scores of same-sex weddings will take place at the stroke of midnight.
However, in the long passage towards equal marriage, we have also been warned on countless occasions about the risks and side-effects of allowing gay couples to wed.
From religious conservatives who predicted that faith groups will be forced to conduct same-sex weddings to the former UKIP councillor David Silvester who warned us earlier this year about oncoming “storms, disease, pestilence and war,” the road ahead looks fraught with dangers at every turn.
Obviously the first marriages will be marked as a joyous and momentous occasion for so many same-sex couples in England and Wales, but this comprehensive guide will help you stay prepared for when worst comes to worst.
1. Incest will be legalised, Lord Norman Tebbit forced to marry his brother
The former Conservative Party chairman Lord Norman Tebbit has discussed the impact of legalising equal marriage, suggesting it could be extended to family members.
He said: “It’s like one of my colleagues said: we’ve got to make these same-sex marriages available to all. It would lift my worries about inheritance tax because maybe I’d be allowed to marry my son. Why not?
“Why shouldn’t a mother marry her daughter? Why shouldn’t two elderly sisters living together marry each other? I quite fancy my brother!”
Religious organisations in Taiwan have also fought back against equal marriage, claiming that same-sex weddings could have “severe consequences” for the country, leading to adultery and incest.
Chang Chuan-feng, vice president of the Family Federation for World Peace and Unification, said: “Once same-sex marriage is legalised, there will be more and more homosexual people. In the future, children will receive an education that teaches them homosexuality is fine, which will bring severe consequences.”
2. God is enraged, the skies open with freak biblical storms
Yes, prepare for more flooding.
Former UKIP member David Silvester has already warned us of the vengeful spirit of Old Testament God, as explained in this useful, informative tract:
In his open letter to Prime Minister David Cameron in April 2012, Mr Silvester wrote:”The scriptures make it abundantly clear that a Christian nation that abandons its faith and acts contrary to the Gospel (and in naked breach of a coronation oath) will be beset by natural disasters such as storms, disease, pestilence and war.”
“I wrote to David Cameron in April 2012 to warn him that disasters would accompany the passage of his same sex marriage Bill.”
He added: “Now, even as Cameron sheds crocodile tears on behalf of destitute flooded homeowners, playing at advocate against the very local councils he has made cash-strapped, it is his fault that large swathes of the nation have been afflicted by storms and floods.”
3. The fight for the rights of zoophiles begins
Former Fox News host Todd Starnes has pointed out a shocking link between equal marriage and bestiality, never previously considered.
Last year, he claimed that the legalisation of equal marriage would lead to the legalisation of bestiality.
He said: ”You know it’s interesting because the passage of the Bible that people — that people talk about in regards to, you know, the act of homosexuality, it goes further to talk about that. That men should not lie with beasts. And the women should not do that either. All this kind of stuff.”
She added that PinkNews readers should be sectioned under the Mental Health Act, and used the UKIP forum to brand the gay rights movement a “lunatics charter”.
4. Corpses dug up from graves to celebrate national necrophilia day
Not only zoophilia, but also watch out for necrophilia – the newest vogue secretly celebrated by the gay agenda.
Colombia Senator Edgar Espíndola has warned: “Today in the world there are many countries where bestiality is practically a sexual preference for some, or necrophilia…”.
He added: “We can’t copy those models.”
Gražulis added: “I’m ashamed that the rotten West, coming from the European Union that is morally corrupted, propagates this to Lithuania and tells us how we should treat homosexuals. Gays should leave Lithuania, not dictate their terms to us.”
5. Churches and mosques ‘compelled’ to perform same-sex wedding ceremonies
Opponents of same-sex marriage have long argued that even with “quadruple lock” protections to allow churches not to opt-in to performing weddings for same-sex couples, religious bodies that don’t opt-in may still be sued in the European Court of Human Rights.
UKIP leader Nigel Farage last year called England’s same-sex marriage legislation “profoundly illiberal” for this very reason.
He said: “There is a very real legal risk that you could finish up with faith communities being forced to conduct such ceremonies which would be illiberal because it would stop people pursuing some of their own beliefs”.
Mr Farage also said there was no official UKIP stance on same-sex marriage as the matter had not been discussed, although a statement on the party’s website favours civil partnerships as a “common sense” solution.
6. ‘Tens of thousands’ of teachers sacked for opposing equal marriage
Despite sanctions put in place to ensure the law “recognises the individual’s freedom to maintain their own religious belief, both publicly and privately,” many opponents of same-sex marriage have predicted a major social upheaval for workers in the public sector.
Colin Hart, Campaign Director of the Coalition for Marriage, said: “Tens of thousands of teachers face the real prospect of being disciplined, or sacked, over the Government’s proposals to redefine marriage, creating a poisonous atmosphere in every staffroom in every school.”
Legal experts have dismissed these claims, but still.
7. Operation Yewtree called off, paedophilia made legal
Following former UKIP councillor’s Julia Gasper’s claim linking homosexuality with bestiality, there is also apparently “so much evidence” linking gay people to peadophiles that “even a full-length book” couldn’t do justice to the subject.
Naturally, the legalisation of equal marriage is always a slippery slope.
US conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh also believes there is a movement to “normalise” paedophilia, a movement he says is similar to society’s growing acceptance of marriage rights for gay couples.
He said: “There is an effort underway to normalise paedophilia. Yep. And it has two aspects to it. One is that sex with children doesn’t hurt them. Kids like it, and so do adults, and there’s nothing wrong with it. It is something…I want to take you back. I want you to remember the first time, wherever you were, that you heard about gay marriage, and I want you to try to recall your reaction — your first gut reaction — when you heard that some activists or somebody was trying to promote the notion of gay marriage. What was your initial reaction?”
Former candidate from Katter’s Australia Party Tess Corbitt also added fuel to the fire last year, saying: “Paedophiles will be next in line to be recognised in the same way as gays and lesbians and get rights.”
8. Consummation of same-sex marriages will cause the devil to come out of your anus
US gay porn star turned ‘ex-gay’ Christian fundamentalist Joseph Sciambra has recorded an eye-opening video where he claims that anal sex causes gay men to give birth to the devil:
In the video, Sciambra who formerly appeared in gay porn for many years says that after finding God, he sought hospitalisation following damage caused to his rectum that meant he had to have his “sphincters almost stitched shut.”
He added: “I’m going to talk about the devil and why he loves anal sex. Anal sex releases into the world rare demonic entities and that even in the body could be conceived as the devil and that would be given birth to anally.”
This evidence seems to match up with claims made previously by Pope Francis, who described same-sex marriage and gay couples adopting as a “destructive attack on God’s plan.”
US Bishop Thomas John Paprocki also helpfully planned his own “exorcism” on the day Illinois legalised equal marriage, saying it “comes from the devil and should be condemned as such.”
9. The first Star Wars-inspired Jedi marriages commence
The Free Church of Scotland, which opposes allowing same-sex couples to marry, first raised the terrifying prospect of Jedi-driven ceremonies.
Spokesman Reverend Iver Martin told the BBC: “The third category is quite astonishing because it is the so-called belief category without really defining what belief means.
“There are loads of people in a diverse society like this for whom belief can mean virtually anything – the Flat Earth Society and Jedi Knights Society – who knows?
“I am not saying that we don’t give place to that kind of personal belief, but when you start making allowances for marriages to be performed within those categories then you are all over the place.”
10. Resurrected Jesus will be forced to marry a man
The head of the Russian Orthodox Church, Patriarch Kirill of Moscow, has already called same-sex marriage “a very dangerous and apocalyptic symptom… It means that people are on the path of self-destruction.”
With that in might, just what will happen when Jesus Christ returns to walk the earth on judgment day?
Linda Harvey, a host of the Ohio based Christian radio station WRFD, has warned that the passing of same-sex marriage laws might cause Jesus to marry another man.
She said: “A Christian concept that illustrates the unchanging standard of man and woman as the model for marriage: in the New Testament, Jesus is referred to several times as the ‘bridegroom.’ And when he returns, he will return as a bridegroom seeking his bride: the church, which is the body of all believers, also called the Bride of Christ. It’s a beautiful analogy.
“What happens to such a concept in a same-sex marriage? Does Jesus as bridegroom seek another groom? No, that would be a twisted and frankly offensive spin on a profound and marvelous concept.”
She added: “As Christians, we must never accept the idea of same-sex marriage. It certainly doesn’t work as sound Christian doctrine and it will be shown before long not to work as revolutionary secular law either.”
Don’t say we didn’t warn you…