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Gay man barred from Dorset country pub for ‘flirting’ with barman

  • James J

    And what would have happened had the person flirting been a woman he wasn’t interested in?

    • Amanda

      Good point James, I think its disgusting, I as a Gay female have been targeted with such homophobic abuse and vandalism, for gods sake they would treat a paedophile better grrrrr

      • Steven Gregory

        I strongly agree with both of you.

        I just read an article about Clare Byarugaba, a lesbian activist in Uganda whose own mother threatened to turn her in. The penalties include jailing, beating, and “corrective rape.”

  • Christopher in Canada

    Can’t the guy just say no? Or is this alluding to the true fear that str8 men have of us: that, seeing as we are NOT all nelly queens, we are capable of treating them with the same dehumanizing and oppressive and overpowering methods that they treat women?

    • Steven Gregory

      Imagine if every lesbian hit on by a straight guy reacted so bizarrely?
      Imagine if every gay man hit on by a woman blew his lid?

  • Leah Kara Blake

    this barman, didn’t deserve to be a barman, i’m a barperson and if you can’t take a compliment from either sex or a little bit of a joke then you are in the wrong profession, flirting, ribbing, being fun is part of the job

    • Steven Gregory

      I’ve known several gay men who tend bar in predominantly non-gay bars, and some straight men who serve up in gay bars. Both of them give attention to whomever is receptive and TIPPING THEM.

  • Morgan Mpc

    Bit confused on how Philip lost the guy his job…..Philip did not fire him, he walked out that…or am i missing something? and I agree Leah Blake, I was a barmaid (sorry..i am old) and yes, both sexes, all ages flirted with me, from gorgeous young men and women to that old geyser in the corner nobody likes.. and James, at my age (55) i am now a big cuddly grandma and recently went to an event in a gay bar ( yes i am straight) where i flirted with the gay boys who just hugged me….

    I think it was more that Philip is 48 and therefore possibly a lot older than the barman and therefore being of a certain age, was not seen as someone flirting, but as someone predatory….thank heaven for the rest of us that that person is no longer behind a bar!!

  • de Villiers

    I wonder if a straight male would be banned from a pub for flirting with a female member of staff?

    • Robert W. Pierce

      Of course not and I’ve seen that numerous times and nothing happens to the man. It’s considered normal behaviour and in many cases complimentary. A double-standard definitely going on here and a degree of homophobia.

      • Steven Gregory

        This is also misogyny expressing itself through homophobia.
        If a gay man flirts with a straight guy, that puts the straight guy in the position of being sexually objectified by a man. Men who react poorly to such objectification probably associate it with being put in the position of a woman, which they regard as inferior and weak.

  • Keith—-

    The homosexual went into a straight bar. Did he expect his behaviour to be acceptable. Straights have the right not to be harassed in straight bars.

    • Lawerence Collins

      You make zero sense. I’ve worked in “straight” places all my life and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had women come up and hit on me. I’ve eve had them grab my ass before. I thanked them got the compliment, told them I wasn’t interested and moved on. Sounds more this guy might have been interested but to deep in the closet and freaked out.

      • Keith—=

        Oh yeah, I forgot, everyone that doesn’t celebrate homosexuality and actually claims to be repulsed by it is a closet homosexual.
        Good job that the majority of PN posters are also experts at online pyschological evaluations of strangers.
        Can you not accept that a true heterosexual would be mortified to be hit on by same sex. The so majority of the world is straight homosexuals should think twice before opening their mouths and causing offence.
        I think the public toilets and saunas and seedy bars are the accepted venues for homosexuals to importune, as the presumptuous subject of the article would have surely known.

        • Paul J

          Oh get lost, you homophobic idiot. This drivel isn’t worth a response.

          • Keith ”’-

            Thanks for reading, every little helps!
            Ps. Your response is to say it isn’t worth a response???
            Any more like you at home?

          • saintlaw

            We get it, you’re gay and hate yourself. Now STFU.

        • Bikerman

          You really are an ignorant oaf. You reek of homophobia. If only you realised the number of discrete gays living their lives all around you, providing services, repairing your car, dressing your injuries in hospital, teaching your children in school, serving you in ‘straight’ pubs etc. you have a very strange and distorted view of gay people.
          As for the delicate little flower who was so offended by a compliment, he really needs to grow up and grow some balls too.

          • Keith=–

            Do you think I would ever let a homosexual near an open wound?
            Did you know that gay males are 50 times more likely to have AIDS than heteronormal males?
            I may have to watch my mechanic though, I caught him looking through a fashion magazine once!

          • Bikerman

            You really do need to get out more. You clearly would have no clue that many of the doctors and nurses tending to you in your next near fatal car smash will be gay. We don’t all wear labels nor fit into your grotesque stereotype, hanging around sleazy saunas and cottages.

          • DZ

            How do you avoid letting a homosexual near an open wound if you’re unconscious? And are you only talking about homosexual males or do you also mean lesbians, bisexuals, pansexuals, asexuals and whatever else I might have forgotten that is not ‘straight’?

          • Richard

            Keith, you do realise that you can catch AIDS from reading an online gay newspaper?

          • Rumbelow

            Keith troll, your mind is like an open wound, it’s going septic and it’s full of poison.

          • saintlaw

            His bum is an open wound – doesn’t stop him from letting many, many, many homosexuals near it – on the contrary!

    • Martin

      This is a country pub. It doesn’t get to decide who it can and can’t accept as customers when it comes to sexuality. AND how is flirting with a barman unacceptable behaviour?

      • Keith=====

        The pub DOES get to decide who may stay and who should leave it’s premises. If a customer causes a member of staff distress, they are not only legally morally obliged to evict the customer, but also morally.
        PS, what relevance is it that it was a country pub. The law applies wherever.

        • Paul J

          So if Simon Weston walked into the pub and his disfigured face distressed the bar staff, then he should be asked to leave should he? And you clearly know as little about the law, as you do about homosexuality.

          • Keith

            He could legally be asked to leave as the owners have that right. Eviction can be enforced by the police if the person is unwilling.
            These are the facts of the law, despite your ignorance, and you claim I know little about the law. Perhaps you can specify where I am in error since I have spent the last couple of posts correcting your legal nonsense.
            PS. Comparing a persons disfigurement over which he has no control to a homosexual presumptuously flirting with a heteronormal who has every right not to be harassed by a minority is peculiar and desperate. It is also a false comparison because you are comparing behaviour with physicality. One’s behaviour can be controlled yet a person’s deformed appearance is not a matter of behaviour or self control.
            I will file your post under ‘intellectual pygmys’.

          • Martin

            The Equality Act 2010 makes it illegal for businesses including hotels
            and bars to turn away gay customers or discriminate against them when
            providing goods or services.

          • Martin

            Keith, pop quiz. In your curious moral universe… Are men allowed to flirt with women working behind a bar in a pub?

          • Paul J

            You said: “If a customer causes a member of staff distress [the pub] is legally morally obliged to evict the customer”. There is no such thing as legal moral obligation and no such law. Incidentally, the irony of your last line made me almost helpless with laughter. The plural of pygmy is pygmies. Why didn’t an intellectual giant like yourself know that?

          • saintlaw

            And we’ll file your many posts under ‘conflicted closet-case’.

        • Bikerman

          In rural Dorset there are no alternatives to ‘straight’ pubs. As I said above, the oh so delicate bar man should grow up and grow some balls. Female bar staff fend off unwanted advances every shift that they work.

        • Martin

          My point being that this is a ‘country pub’. It’s a venue not defined by sexuality. AND it can’t refuse custom based on sexuality – that would be illegal. Removing ourselves from this specific instance for a second (because we don’t know what happened here) but… it is completely proper for anyone to flirt with anyone in the context of a pub. If that person being flirted with gets offended then that’s their problem – as with any unwanted subtle advance you can politely remove yourself from that situation – it’s not hard. This Stephen Fry quote is always useful then thinking about these sorts of things…

    • DZ

      I’ve never seen a “straight bar” sign in my life.

    • Rumbelow

      There is no such thing as a straight bar troll.

  • Lee Hobson

    Must be more to this than meets the eye.
    Surely a bar can’t be willing to lose £200 a week in custom so easily.

    • Jesus_Mohammed

      If it’s true that this man spends £200 a week in a country pub, where a pint costs roughly £3, then he must drink about 10 pints of beer per day!

      Now, I suppose if a man has 10 pints of beer inside him then his telling a barman he’s “cute” may not be only the sweet and harmless action that one immediately supposes.

      Imagine a 50-something man rolling towards you with 10 pints inside him. Not nice.

      • white squirrel

        Jesus and mo know all about spending £200/week on beer and offending bar staff in the cock and ball of course

        tho if he spent it on expensive drinks such a moet chandon etc
        it would soon reach £200 for far less consumption

        Also – a country pub charging £3/pint! – and the rest lol
        it is clearly several years since you were last in one

        • VIPbin

          A pint of beer in that area costs £2.24p in 2014.

          • Jesus_Mohammed

            Thank you, VIPbin. Extraordinary how aggressively some individuals will dispute something that is outside their sphere of knowledge, isn’t it. I regularly use country pubs and their pints are about £3. They make their own, and they’re a long way from the big cities.

      • Friesjones

        They serve fancy food too, you idiot. Not to mention they specialize in Casque Mark ale and Sipsmith vodka and gin. It’s obviously a much nicer place than the dank sickening caves than you normally frequent for a pint.

  • Jiří Jorge Řehůřek

    What does predatory gay behaviour means anyway? It seems its used every time gay behaves as every other normal str8 guy would. This phrase and the thinking behind it its so sexist and homophobic. Just like the gay panic defence. I think this sort of sorry explanation why is ok to treat gays differently should be outlawed and not publicly endorsed as serious excuse.

  • Richard

    So far we have only heard one side of the story. A barman resigned as a result of it, so the company are treating it seriously as they should (however not by using language such as predatory gay). If the guy was being a pest then he should be barred, as should a straight customer pestering a female member of staff.

    • Craig

      Exactly what I was thinking. I’ve worked in bars for years and have seen management kick out straight men for the way they treated female staff. The same standard should apply to gay men. The fact that he spent about 200 a week there, and that the guy left, makes me think that this is something more prolonged and serious than a simple passing comment. Being gay doesn’t always make you a victim, even if Pink News would like us to think it does.

  • cw

    In my experience, all bar-staff and wait-staff flirt with everyone. It’s got nothing to do with fancying them, it’s because it increases the tips.
    This barman is clearly scarred of something. Rather than increase his tips, he left the job.

  • Leelaa5

    I have how this is still an issue in this day and get. If it was some pervy man doing this to a young female bar maid no one would bat an eye lid, not even if he said more sexual things.

    • Sugar

      I used to waitress in my family pub and at 14 was offered a £5 tip from a guy old enough to be my grandfather in exchange for a kiss on the cheek. We never barred him, even though he flirted with me every week, and I never refused to serve him even though he made my skin crawl. Whilst I would love a world where no one was made to feel uncomfortable at work, it happens in bar work still. If this barman felt so threatened he had to walk out of his job, it should have been a matter for the police. If not that bad, he needs to think very seriously about whether that line of work is right for him.

  • Having recently returned from a short trip to the area, I can definitely see how this could happen in a rural pub. In a larger town it might not be an issue, but if this is in a Dorset village then it doesn’t surprise me in the slightest.

    These places may be “quaint” and have “strong community” but they are also extremely xenophobic and closed-minded in many respects, even toward people arriving from just a few miles away. These little villages seem to operate on gossip, bullying and social victimization.

    The person I was staying with told me a story about one of their neighbours selling their little house, and they rejected higher offers from a gay couple and an Asian couple, in favour of accepting less from a white Christian couple. This wasn’t just because of their own bigotries, but because they knew they would never hear the end of it from their friends and neighbours in the village even after they moved a few miles away.

    This adequately shows how backward attitudes are in many of these places. In fact, although I don’t blame my friend and his wife for it, I don’t believe I would have been invited to stay with them if I were “obviously gay”. Their neighbors would have spend the rest of the year making their lives very uncomfortable for daring to invite a gay outsider into the village, if only for a weekend.

    • Keith-=-

      Another heterophobic post from the sewer. Professional offence taking idiots like you go out of their way looking for ways to be seen as victims.
      Most people are heterosexual so it should not come as a surprise that they prefer the company of other heterosexuals, especially since most heterosexuals are repulsed by homosexuality.
      Would you desire to be in the company of the scat community or perhaps the consensual incestuous community in those lands where consensual adult incest is legal?
      Perhaps you should be labelled ‘phobic’ of you have an aversion to such company or practices of those consenting adults?

      • Martin

        “Most heterosexuals are repulsed by homosexuality”. Wrong. Curious then that the majority are accepting of gay marriage.

      • Thanks for proving me right, you’re nothing but a bigoted troll.

        And, just to point out again, you seem absolutely obsessed with certain things. You really should look at seeking therapy.

        • Kevin

          Bigoted patriarchal troll indeed, men who fear homosexuality fear being treated the way they themselves treat women that’s all it comes down to.
          I bet Keith don`t mind a bit of female on female action though eh? Oh no I bet he don`t.
          Patriarchy the same cultural system that oppresses straight women is also oppressing gay men and straight men are completely to blame for it.

          • PLEASEGO


          • PLEASEGO


      • Rumbelow

        Keith, get back under your bridge where you belong troll.

  • GulliverUK

    If they barred men who flirted with female staff many pubs would have half the customers overnight. TIP: when someone flirts with you – take it as a compliment and move on.

    • Robert W. Pierce

      Absolutely, unless the person is being a menace, getting pushy or intoxicated. I don’t think this was the case

  • AJ

    Crack on Keith … You’re an internet troll sir! A keyboard warrior and quite possibly a UKIP voter? Best to ignore this repulsive horse turd and not feed his craving and sick pleasure of upsetting good decent people. Better still report this ignorant buffoon to the moderator and be done with his pathetic type

    • saintlaw

      It’s too tragic to be a troll. It means every deluded, self-loathing word.

  • AJ

    The pub has quite possibly overreacted – I live in Dorset and the majority of folk (not retired) pretty good, but it is a country area and attitudes in Dorset towards the LGBTI Community are light years behind the rest of the world. They are misinformed, ignorant, fearful, and just plain ” provincial” on many counts when it comes to matters of sexual orientation. That said I can’t help but think the article hasn’t told us the full story

  • Hi

    Obviously it’s the bar owners fault as lack of training of staff

  • Janet Wall

    Interesting to read the “banter” going on here, but without doubt, something else went on here to culminate in an exclusion. Maybe the young barman was a shy person, with his own issues. Struggling to do probably the only job he could get in the area. Blandford is not renowned for employment opportunities. Maybe he couldn’t cope with the comments and was upset by them. It’s easy for city folk to spout “grow balls” “enjoy the compliment” etc, But every employee has the right to come to work in an environment free from bullying and harassment, pubs are not excluded from this.
    Maybe the customer was asked to stop previously by the management, but failed to do so, and was barred as a result. I have experienced persistent and annoying behaviour from customers and regardless of sexuality if it’s not wanted, the customers have to respect that view, even if you are the nicest most well meaning gay guy in the village

    • Paul J

      Why are you dreaming up scenarios to justify this pub’s treatment of the complainant? Saying someone is cute hardly amounts to bullying and harassment.
      More than once, I have seen straight men getting angry about gay guys flirting with them in gay bars or clubs. And those straight men are meant to be “enlightened” and cool with being around gay men, yet they can’t cope with another man showing the mildest sexual interest in them. I can well believe that a straight man would completely overreact to an innocuous compliment and the claim that the barman was frightened of being “jumped” also rings true to me.
      Those people rushing to find reasons to explain why the pub management isn’t homophobic and why the person who made the complaint must be lying should examine their motives. Don’t we all have enough experience of homophobia to realise that this complaint is all too plausible?

  • Yesh U R

    The more I read the comments posted by “Keith” or his many other names he uses to reveal his serious mental illness in all its many facets the more saddened I become. His mental state is very parlous and he appears to be getting worse as the weeks go by. Apart from his obvious self hatred his mania about Jazz is puzzling to say the least. I am torn between wishing that he would get medical help for his worsening condition and considering if we here might be the only human contact he actually has. Very sad either way.

    • Juno

      Please don’t ascribe poor behaviour to mental illness. It’s discriminatory. You are using mental illness as an insult and that’s just not on.

      • Yesh U R

        Not at all I sincerely hold that Keith is mentally ill. I have said repeatedly that I feel it is terribly sad but without doubt his irrationality is clinical. He cannot reason his way out of his situation and his postings are quite beyond anything that could be called acceptable comment.

  • lee

    yeah but they are bit thick in the area – had it been a 18 year old girl would she be barred?

  • Truth

    …. and if this had been a heterosexual issue ….?

    • DZ

      Then it would probably not have made the news, even if someone got banned.

  • Steve_R

    Over the years I have been in many bars, bar staff either gay or straight know one thing and that is your remuneration is best when people like you! (maybe its different in north America) It’s interesting to see in any bar how attentive a barman or barmaid can be if the “customer” is attentive or complementary, good tips on one night can assure a customer of good service every night with polite considerate service. Bar staff are worldly in their knowledge of clientele, what they hear and what they see. If this barman was so naive he couldn’t take a complement or jest, he is in the wrong occupation. As I said remuneration… many straight bar tenders know when a complementary cute means healthy pocket change, idle infatuation but nothing more. If the man was being or uttering obscenities he/anyone has the right to be upset, it certainly didn’t sound like it in this case.

    • Paul

      Barmen/women in the UK are rarely tipped as tipping is not part of the culture.
      A customer may from time to time offer to buy the barman a drink (or the reverse) but you pay what the drink costs and that is that.

  • Hate will claw and scratch on every possible act of absurdity it can.
    Hate will attempt to divide so as to conquer.
    Hate will lurk in the most visible of human social venues to dislodge truth, compassion, awareness and acceptance.
    Hate has no ethics, morals or values, but it does have an ability for destroying or distorting that of those who do for its fuel.

    In my short 52 years, I have found these things to be but the tip of the iceberg.

    But the following I have found…


    These are the lights of humanity that have been proven to defeat hate.

  • Gawain Towler

    This story feels bogus, if we go by the facts presented here.

    I know the pub (through not well) and it isn’t some backward snaggle-toothed hole in a hedge. However if the customer really does spend £200 a night regularly there, not only would he be very well known by the bar staff, but he would be an extremely valued customer. Big spending regulars are given far more leeway in any pub I know than occasional visitors, no matter how big spending. That sort of spend would be manna from heaven for an isolated rural pub like the Museum.

    Thus it feels as if there is far more to this than meets the eye.

    Basically, it just doesn’t ring true as a story.

    There is plenty of discrimination out there, that should be firmly challenged, but on the particulars of this case as related, this doesn’t feel like one of them.

    • I can understand your point, and I agree that it’s perhaps unfair to paint these small village pubs as being packed with “backward snaggle-toothed” customers. But, having experienced the closed community these places have more than once, there is a great deal of politics going on, a lot of social pressure to “comply” and “fit in”, and those who don’t fit the model of an English village citizen are not welcomed.

      It might be unsaid, but if you do something in one of these villages that the powerful citizens don’t like you won’t be invited to participate in the Christmas fete, you’ll find dog sh*t being slung into your garden, you’ll no longer be acknowledged when you wave to Mrs. Partridge or the local Vicar on your morning walk. The social pressure to comply in these places is pretty immense, making it extremely difficult for someone to exist there when deemed to be “different”.

      What I mean is, he might spend a lot of money in that pub, but social pressure from the rest of the clientele to have him “removed” will entirely outweigh any monetary gain, in my opinion.

      • Gawain Towler

        I don’t doubt the “closed Community” aspect of many villages. If I were to move there I do not think that I have enough years left in me to be accepted as local, maybe my children or grandchildren might be accorded that recognition. So yes I do take your point.

  • Psychologist

    Let me state from the outset, in the interest of fairness and unbiased opinion that – if the gay man “accused” has been guilty of “crossing a line” and became “physical” with the barman, without the barman’s consent, then this may constitute “sexual harassment” – which would be an offence whether the “accused” be straight or gay.
    However, I see NO evidence of this, and the item clearly says “FLIRTING with barman” (NOT sexually harassing – therefore NO PREDITORY element exists!). (PREDITORY is merely an EMOTIVE adjective used to heighten the level of homophobia – ie it’s MANIPULATIVELY USED). Flirting is NOT sexual harassment, and has taken place for years and years by straight men on female barmaids. So, why is it a “throwing out offence” when a gay man does it … yet has NEVER been a “throwing out” offence when men do it to women ? In other words, if the SAME criteria of rules are not applied to BOTH situations EQUALLY – then this is clearly discrimination against someone based on their sexual orientation, and is driven by homophobia, and a crime has indeed been committed. This should be reported to the police as a hate crime, as it was driven by someone’s homophobia.

    Additionally, what was the barman’s problem anyway ? Is he SOOO insecure about his OWN sexual orientation, that he can’t accept a little flirting from a customer (male or female) ? You would have to question, WHY did he take it quite SO personally, to feel the need to LEAVE ?


  • Paul

    200 quid a week? I don’t know what he was drinking but reckon 5 percent beer at 4 pounds a pint making 50 pints! This chap would never have been sober and would be spending an awful lot of time in that pub.

    There’s more to this than immediately meets the eye if nothing else but because of the time these two must have spent in some kind of company together.
    Did the young barman complain about the attention he was getting? and did the management given the amount of money being spent treat the matter seriously?
    There will be a certain amount of banter in any pub and a bit of joshing goes with the job; they’d be pretty boring places otherwise; they are pubs after all not prayer meetings.
    We are not hearing the whole story here.

  • Steven Gregory

    This is simply another case of Misogyny expressing itself through Homophobia. HOW DARE Poolman put that bartender in the same position men put women.

  • Ciaran

    I think there’s more to the story than what Pink News has selected to tell us. People don’t just quit their jobs after one comment, I believe this was sustained as mentioned by the the man boasting how much he used to spend in the pub.

    Harassment is harassment and shouldn’t be seen as common place anywhere, even in bars.

  • roger

    Sad very sad when I worked in my pub s8t men tryedvon with me thinking it was ok grow some ba!!!

  • Patrick

    Leaving the ‘predatory gay man’ comment aside, I think it depends on whether the hotel would ask a straight man or straight woman to leave if the barperson felt uncomfortable with what they were saying – no one should feel
    awkward in their workplace. I personally wouldn’t have taken offence if it was a straight woman saying something like that but that’s just me.

  • James Swinburne

    It doesn’t feel like this is the whole story? And what kind of person spends £200 a week in a pub? They wouldn’t ban a local for ONE comment. There is definitely more to this.

  • Daniel

    I know this pub so maybe I should go get myself banned too :)

  • postopgirl

    Its a difficult one this, one one hand yes you could argue the barman should given the nature of the job laugh it off or accept the compliment but politely say no, afterall women barmaids and women in society generally have had to deal with with this type of attention since time began, however on the flip side yes he may be young, inexperienced in certain issues, after all we are not all made the same way emotionally and otherwise, if the barman wasn’t abusive to the gay gentleman offering the chat up line and if the gay man wasn’t aggresive in the nature of his approach, then a ban seems to be an over the top reaction, I myself would not appreciate a gay man asking me if I want a drink, because in my head I’d think he was thinking I was a gay man which I never have been, but I wouldn’t over react, shout and scream, just politely say no thanks, and if the person was half the person they should be, they’d just leave it at that and try someone else.

  • Dan b

    There is a big difference between flirting and sexual harassment, Some people can say things and it is clearly a joke, others say it and you feel chilled to the bone as you know that they are actually quite serious – especially if they are drunk. Based on my own experiences with gay men, I’m sadly inclined to believe that it was more likely sexual harassment. I’ve lost track of the number of times I’ve been groped or attempted to be kissed and then turned into the villain when I’ve objected. I’m now at the age where I’m confident in telling them to ‘f**k off or I’ll break your neck” and having it yield the desired response. “Predatory homosexual ”is a perfectly valid comment if that’s what the guy was behaving like.

    Lastly if this guy is struggling with his sexuality, then we should be supportive of him, not scaring him into locking the closet door.

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