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Daniel Radcliffe: ‘Gay sex, especially for the first time, is really painful’

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  1. I assume he means anal sex, which is not always the same thing as ‘gay sex’.

    1. barriejohn 16 Oct 2013, 8:37pm

      I agree. As Stephen Fry pointed out so eloquently on Monday night, the vast majority of anal sex takes place between heterosexual couples, and a great many gay people never engagee in the activity anyway. That is not what defines us. Showbiz types who wish to pontificate about gay matters for whatever reason need to be more careful about what they say.

      1. Jock S. Trap 17 Oct 2013, 11:24am

        Yes and apparently that’s different when between and man and woman… in Africa anyway…only I’m not quite sure how. If only these pervs stopped obsessing about what gay people do for sex the country might actually pass as tolerable.

    2. I know a lot of straight men who have “gay sex” with their straight female partners (it seems to be THE thing with young straight men, even ending relationships with women who won’t do it). There’s nowt as queer as folk.

      Looks like that lovely word “gay” is being taken from us.

      1. A lot of straight men love taking it up the bottom with a dildo or even a willy. But they would never tell their mates. I know a tranny club in London that is mainly full of these straight guys looking for a chick with a dick, and one or two of my tranny friends end up f*cking the straight boys at the end of the night. Yep – it sure is a queer old world. ;-)

        1. I have taken the virginity or just taken more than a few straight boys simply by being openly gay when no one else was, and non-threatening, as I’m one of the unidentifiable gays, only know it if I say it. So at Uni surprisingly many guys who were not gay and probably not really bi, but rather, curious, found me safe, discreet, and gentle and experimented accordingly…it has always been that way.

  2. Is he implying he actually took it?

    1. Did you read the article, or did you see the headline and then started commenting?

  3. CH Brighton 16 Oct 2013, 6:45pm

    It wasn’t at all painful for me. Maybe it is for some. Daniel Radcliffe should beware of stereotyping – particularly if he has not had the experience.

    1. Well, apparently he has had the experience. And if what you say is accurate, I’d love to have some of whatever you were on at the time!

      1. Xylocaine viscous.

    2. “I’ve been told” it doesn’t need to be painful, even the very first time, if your partner takes it slow and helps you relax.

      Well, it might hurt a little bit at first but after a very short while it begins to feel really quite nice… that’s what “I’ve been told”.

    3. He said that he was told it’s painful and the director guided him to portray the sex scene as really paintful so what is he suppose to think?

  4. Doesn’t it depends on how big it is, how good the foreplay is, how much lube you use, how much you’ve investigated your ass beforehand, etc?

    Probably no different for a straight girl or gay guy when they’re penetrated for the first time. Hurts for some, not for others.

  5. All sex str8 or gay can be painful if done wrong

  6. It definitely can hurt at any time! It doesn’t necessarily have to hurt like hell only when your “loosing your virginity” so to speak. I definitely depends on how big he is, how relaxed and “into the moment” you are, how much lube you’re using, and how careful he is. A good top cares as much or more about his bottom than he does about his own feelings.

  7. ”Gay sex is painful”? He must mean passive anal sex, and for the first time. But does he not know, that many many gay men who do engage in ”gay sex”, never experience anal sex? Secondly, vaginal penetration if very painful for many women the first time too. Thirdly, I do not undertstand, why an actor playing the role of a character who is being anally deflowered, would actually consent to do the real thing! It is supposed to be acting, after all. And, unless my information is outdated, actors in (normal) films wherein the play a sex scene, do not actually engage in sex. Is he speaking sincerely, or is he just seeking publicity for the film?

    1. Did you read the article? No, he never actually got penetrated. The director told him that the first time is really painful, and that is what he should portray during the scene while acting. The headline is misleading.

    2. Anna Hayward 4 Dec 2013, 6:02pm

      Just FYI first time penetrative vaginal sex shouldn’t hurt. That’s just a myth put about by straight men to control womens sexuality. The idea that anal sex normally hurts is also about controlling sexuality, and not just of gay men.

  8. Dan Filson 16 Oct 2013, 8:15pm

    “Is he speaking sincerely, or is he just seeking publicity for the film?” If the latter, he has done a good job of it!

  9. I’m gay and have sex, just not anal sex (which some heterosexual people also do).

  10. This is so wrong for harry potter.. I find this humiliating

    1. you need to grow up – as he has done. He isn’t Harry Potter. He is an actor who once played Harry Potter.

    2. Now now, we all know that Ron Weasley poked Harry Potter with his wand on many occasions…

  11. James Savik 16 Oct 2013, 9:37pm

    Danny,

    If it hurts, you are doing it wrong. Text me: I can help.

  12. Do you really want people walking on eggshells and scared to say anything? He’s not being offensive and the article heading is misleading anyway.

  13. Daniel is a long time advocate for gay rights, and a very vocal and eloquent one too. So he gets a free pass. Besides, this comment was clearly not intended to be analysed too seriously.

    Still, there is a prevalent myth that gay sex simply = anal intercourse, and this should be contradicted wherever it arises.

  14. As someone who regularly reads the comments on PN but does not often contribute I have to say that readers can often come across as overly defensive and precious….there is often evidence of a persecution complex. Now that if this offends I am sorry but we need to empower our allies not denigrate them.

    1. barriejohn 17 Oct 2013, 8:16am

      Yes – it’s a bloody stupid comment. Are we not allowed to criticise darlings of the homosexual establishment now? If he is such an advocate for gay rights then he of all people should be more careful what he says.

      1. Why should he be careful. If you read the article rather than just the massively misleading headline (which seems to be a theme on pinknews) you would see that Daniel was just explaining what the director told him to portray in that particular scene.

        When he says gay sex he is referring to the anal sex in that scene and what the director told him, not making a grand statement that all gay people only have anal sex, this is obvious from the context of the article.

        There is absolutely no need to be so pedantic about every little detail when the meaning is so obviously clear! This is what Graham is getting at and I completely agree. There are a lot of bigoted people with offensive and oppressive views doing a lot of harm to the LGBT society in the world, Daniel Radcliffe most certainly is not one of them!

  15. My only concern is that Daniel has been given misleading information by the Director and will portray his character on the basis of that information. What impact could that have?

    1. Well, perhaps that is what the director thought appropriate for the character/situation/story. Surely for some the experience is quite painful. The first time I attempted it it was impossible to perform the act, just hurt too much. But somewhat later I flipped the situation and my boyfriend lost his virginity without any pain at all. I have found a liberal application of analingus (say 45 minutes worth with the proper technique) is pretty much all it takes. NO ONE has ever complained to me and a fair number of (putatively straight) boys asked me to do the honors back in the days when I was the only out queer on campus…I think I had a reputation for being a safe, discreet, and gentle partner… Perhaps I should blush but it was the 70′s after all, standards were different.

  16. Dear Daniel: I was voluntarily deflowered when I was 13 and because the other teen that was doing it knew what he was doing, there was not a great deal of pain involved. When I was about 16, a neighbor friend that lived next door (we went together to the same school) wanted me to deflowered him. By then I was well endowed (even measured today against an average adult) yet I did not cause him very much pain or discomfort. This because I took a great deal of time in this process. I wanted him to enjoy a positive experience. I was determined to make it right his first time. In retrospect, it’s all in the techniques and having feelings for the other person while you’re doing this process. At 52, I can still reflect upon these fond memories.

  17. Christopher in Canada 17 Oct 2013, 12:56am

    A good reason for sex education to actually be about sex and not about the reproductive process.

    1. Excellent comment!

    2. barriejohn 17 Oct 2013, 8:07am

      Well said!

  18. Christopher in Canada 17 Oct 2013, 1:09am

    Why am I suddenly thinking about Alice Cooper’s song “Only Women Bleed”?

    Imagine having a hymen that needs to be pushed through… that’s gotta hurt, too. Of course, the world is supposedly run by and for str8 men, and they never know what being penetrated would be like… no wonder they think gay sex is so scary. Poor fools. yet women put up with them…

    1. Like everything, preparation and the ability to relax is key. (-.^)
      Also aside “breaking/pushing through” a hymen is a myth.

  19. As it would seem that it is an aspect of D.R.’s public persona to be a supportive straight ally of LGBT people, it is, I hope, to be earnestly wished that he does have occasion actually to read and digest the comments above from LGBT individuals with real and enjoyable same-sex experience; and put right his apparently sadly misinformed – or perhaps unfortunate – director.

    D.R. has many young fans; it is shame that he may be inadvertently – and ignorantly – perpetuating a totally invalid stereotype; and possibly give rise to fears in young gay lads who have yet to have any personal experience of what can and should be a happy and fulfilling milestone in life.

  20. Jock S. Trap 17 Oct 2013, 11:26am

    Think it right really… for most male or female the first time can be painful.

    He’s a good actor he’ll nail it!! lol

  21. I think there are too many people obsessing over the smallest things. People can pick holes in almost anything someone says, but we all know what he meant.
    He didn’t “assume” anything, he was talking about the scenario in the film and the guidance he was given as an actor to create a compelling scene.
    He was in an anal sex scene, and it’s a fact that this can be very painful. These are facts, and if you want to attack this talented actor for not writing down his answers and having an English Professor proof read them for absolute accuracy then you have way too much free time on your hands.

    Please people, get over yourselves and stop obsessing over the minutiae of everything someone says!

    1. While it is true what you say that it can be very painful for a few, this is very true. As a well endowed individual that I am, on occasion I have come across a person with a smaller than average sphincter. Although this is extremely disappointing and frustrating after going to the trouble of landing a nice guy, I still respect the fact that I’m too big for him and do not press the issue.

      1. Charles I’m quite average, really on the low side of average, and find that once you get that sphincter fully relaxed there is no pain whatever. I have also been penetrated by men of quite a range of sizes and I submit you would have to be freakishly enormous not to be able to penetrate a well-relaxed sphincter. That muscle is FLEXIBLE. However your willingness to respect limits is admirable.

  22. The PN headline really hasn’t helped in this instance, though.

  23. Krokidas did not tell you the truth, Mr. Radcliffe. Maybe his motive was that by telling you such an untruth it would cause you to emote for the camera in the way that Krokidas wanted.

  24. Scheherezade 17 Oct 2013, 2:02pm

    If done by someone skilled at it, anal sex can be fabulous and not hurt at all. But as other commenters have already stated, gay sex does not necessarily equal anal sex. I am a bisexual woman and had anal sex with a bisexual man who had never had anal sex with another man, only with women.

  25. … Think the director should be given these comments, rather than the actor, as the actor was simply repeating what the director had directed him with…

  26. One has to wonder if

    1. He has experienced it himself

    2. He had a bad experience

    Otherwise, it strikes me as an odd thing for such a straight ally as Radcliffe to say.

    1. Did you read the article??

      He was just describing what the director told him to act!

  27. I am a little old, but really Daniel, I would volunteer to show you that’s complete rubbish. I guarantee, no pain at all, as long as you are motivated to try.

  28. That’s exactly what I thought watching Brokeback Mountain. No prep, no lube, Ennis just shoves it in and Jack makes vaguely horse-like noises. In real life they should have heard his screams all the way down in the Plains!

  29. …Daniel, really this is so incorrect because 1. it can be only painful if you don’t want it and it isn’t done properly. 2. It does no hurt when you have sex for the first time. And 3. Females are supposed to find sex for the first painful so what point exactly is he making????

    1. Supposed to? Oh, you mean assumed to. Not so much these days, I think. Women’s hymens are usually more stretched now by the time they have sex, though I expect t hat depends on culture.

      No reason for either sort of sex to be painful and he should have said ‘anal sex’ rather than ‘gay sex’.

    2. think you are both missing the point here,

  30. Ben Foster 18 Oct 2013, 2:54pm

    The headline IS misleading. Daniel is repeating what somebody has TOLD him. How is he to know if it is the truth or not?

  31. Stephen Mead 18 Oct 2013, 11:27pm

    If sex is painful (including virgin sex), either it’s being done wrong or the people involved don’t mind some S & M or B & D, or if it’s REALLY painful the one in pain should see a physician. It’s unfortunate Daniel Radcliffe, an LGBT supporter, will have this comment to elaborate on, as it’s unfortunate that the director went the “painful” route, though perhaps in reality the people these actors potray didn’t know what they were doing!

  32. Paul Halsall 19 Oct 2013, 11:45am

    Anal sex can be painful the first time. It takes a partner who can take their time, and tell you to “tighten up” then “relax” about 4-5 times.

    But then, when you have someone in you, especially if he knows to find your prostate gland, you are in an unspeakable heaven.

  33. I take offense to the director [Krokidas] when he refers to first time someone has “gay sex” that it bleeping hurts. That is complete and utter rubbish. If he is referring to anal sex and the act is between a couple who have a strong bond, then it shouldn’t “f*cking hurt”.
    The first time I had anal sex, I was prepared for it to be very painful and to my surprise it wasn’t. I think that had to do with the person I was with and the environment.

  34. I am 49 and had anal sex well before the age of 11 years and am obviously seen as a heretic when I say I was never a ‘victim’, I was regularly meeting 3 older boys 5th form so 16 years old, in my secondary school toilets for blowjobs given by me and for a shag with me as shagee rather than shagger, I brought some Vaseline cos I couldnt’ get any type of lube, to be honest I never even knew it existed, and as for the sex, It was not at all painful, largely because I knew what to do.

  35. I’m a woman and the first time I had vaginal sex it was painful. The first time I had anal sex it was also painful. In both instances I was (obviously) inexperienced and the other party was also relatively inexperienced. Since then, through plenty of experimentation and increased confidence on my part to say what I enjoy and what works for me, I have had fabulous and painless sex of both types. The headline here is misleading, not the comment from Daniel. It can be painful, particularly for those with little or no experience. In the context of the scene referred to, that may have been a reasonable artistic direction to give. We’re talking about a piece of drama here, not a documentary on the ins and outs of anal sex. Sex of any kind can be awkward, messy, uncomfortable, unsatisfactory, violent or painful as well as exciting, intimate, experimental, mind-blowing and scream the house down wonderful. Any of these facets are valid subjects for dramatic representation.

  36. switchhitter 6 Jan, 11:43pm

    Maybe he should have tried a bum numbing spell first… Expelianus!

  37. what ever he means by it, acting the part and playing a gay person is what he may be perhaps meaning, and how painful it was to play this part and get it right, think about it folks, i would hardly think he was implying he took it in the ass or gave it in the ass, but what ever he meant, well done him for speaking out about it, he does a lot of good for people gay and straight,

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