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Video: Married binational gay couple kept apart by DOMA urges US Supreme Court strike-down

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  1. Ken Underwood 14 Jun 2013, 5:49am

    The UK is not much better it discriminated against couples, even if they are in a legal civil union. If one partner is from overseas and the UK partner earns less than Appx 18,500 pounds a year the Overseas partner can not get a visa to stay in the UK. How pathetic is that.

    1. But UK law applies equally to same-sex and opposite-sex couples. The US treats the two totally differently.

      1. Yay the uk equally takes a dump on the relationships of both gay and straight people.

        It makes you so proud to be British.

        Viva equality (for the people who can afford it).

    2. Godric Godricson 14 Jun 2013, 8:34am

      Atalanta has a point. The £18,500 was in the news recently and it seems to be across the board.

      I know love can be a mischievous thing but why would you want to chance happiness by getting together with people who live in countries that don’t welcome you? Love may be blind but humans have the ability to see the road ahead

      1. Commander Thor 14 Jun 2013, 10:57am

        What if I have lived here as a student for eight years, and I have finally found the love of my life three years ago? What if I come from a country where our relationship is a criminal offense, which means I can never obtain a spouse visa for my partner?

        1. That is a tragic circumstance. The law was directed to stop other people coming from the country where your relationship is a criminal offense, and who fail to integrate much in (relatively) tolerant Britain, but it hits everyone sans discrimination…

    3. One rule for the rich and another for the poor – an age old British tradition!

    4. I’m pleased you posted that here, Ken. I had no idea there was a financial qualification to allowing a partner residency in UK.

  2. Colin (London) 14 Jun 2013, 7:14am

    You know I can see both sides of the argument here and if it goes wrong the hosting country is left with the bill.

    I am all for allowing people to marry and live in a host country but there has to be safeguards to ensure it’s not being abused and is actually economic migration.

    To me the couple must be able to support themselves paying due taxes for the services they use.

    Your council tax, general taxation, health services, education are not free. I think £18,500 is low but I expect others to disagree here.

    How would you suggest countries allow partners to live there but ensure their resources are not abused?

    Would you say if they do not have a job after 1 year they leave or if the relationship ends the incoming partner leaves. It’s a difficult area.

    However we gay people should be treated equally with our hetrosexual brothers and sisters.

    1. 18500 is not low. Lots of couples survive on such a wage. If you happen to be a young graduate who can’t get a job of over £18500 but desperately want to marry the foreign student you met at uni, you’re in for a world of heartbreak.

      Also people who live in the uk on a spousal visa have no recourse to public funds. This means the state is not supporting them.

  3. With greater frequency we hear of bi-national same sex couples who are kept apart because of visa restrictions or DOMA. It pains me greatly to imagine traveling or working overseas and meeting the love of my life and not being able to be legally recognized or together in either of our home lands.

    With greater frequency I follow several couples stories on Youtube who try to be together, DOMA prevents that and I fully support and commend Senator Leahy in his efforts to change the Immigration bill.

    The US – Canadian border from east to west is home to many bi-national couples who can’t be together, as a compromise they live in border towns and cross the border to work or be with each other daily or at week ends. It’s much easier than being overseas, but some couples cross the border so frequently they get flagged as security risk or their crossings are heavily questioned. The Federal government to lead the way and set precedents-recognition of LGBT couples instead of individual states

  4. As someone who was in this situation between 2001 – 2006, this video brings up some heart wrenching memories. The pain of constantly being away eventually tore us apart, as we couldnt “live” in that way. The constant travelling, never being able to take a permanent job at home because you knew they wouldnt allow you to spend 6 months of the year visiting your partner. Because thats all it was.. “visiting”.. never truly feeling like you were living your lives together.

    My heart goes out to these two… The only comfort i take from their story is that they were legally able to get married… a step, albeit not a perfect one, but certainly a step further than what was available to me.

    Good luck to them x

  5. I have exactly this situation which is why we live in the UK, hoping one day that I will be allowed to live in the US.

  6. There was a good line I saw today;

    Why would we name a law “The Defense of Marriage Act” when its goal is to prevent certain marriages? Shouldn’t it have been called “The Anti-Marriage for Certain People Act”?

    1. Commander Thor 14 Jun 2013, 10:28am

      Have you read 1984 by George Orwell? It makes perfect sense. Indeed, plenty of people will support a law according to its name instead of its contents. I don’t think Hitler called his genocide The Final Genocide – he called it the final solution.

    2. Same thing with America’s so named “Patriot Act”.
      How do you get people to support the most unconstitutional law ever proposed in American history? You name it in such a way as to imply that anybody opposed to it is unpatriotic and anti-American.

  7. Matthew Brooks-Phillips 14 Jun 2013, 11:25am

    I’m 24, gay and in a civil partnership with my husband bobby who is from the US. We met when he was studying over here for a year and decided to get married. Thank God back then I didnt have to be earning £18.500 because I was still a student and working as a part time youth worker. Bobby at the time was earning over that amount of money though so that helped are case. Bobby was deported at one point before we were married and this was heart breaking, we had the exam same scene at the airport when saying goodbye (minus the face paint) . DOMA is absolutely ridiculous. We couldn’t bare to be apart so was married a few months later and Bobby was able to move over hear and resume his part time job full time. I’m not sure why this couple don’t both live in England , I’m sure the English lad could get a job and sponsor his partner. Living apart for us was never an option, I feel awful for them and I don’t know how they do it.

    1. Matthew Brooks-Phillips 14 Jun 2013, 11:28am

      DOMA needs to be shut down though , I want to be able to live with Bobby in Ohio near his family, he misses them every day and this law stops us from having the same rights and opportunities as our heterosexual counterparts.

      1. My best wishes to both of you. I hope you get your hearts desire to live near your husbands family very soon.

        1. Matthew Brooks-Phillips 14 Jun 2013, 12:36pm

          Thank you so much Jess. I hope so too.

    2. Your situation is the same as ours. We were lucky we got a cp before the 18500 rule came in.

      If anyone is worried about the cost to the state, neither myself or my partner claim benefits and we currently live on 18000 a year.

  8. Well done, David and Jason. The circulation of this video IS having a big effect. Eventually you will win. Keep strong.

  9. I’ve been in that situation also, but we chose to come to the UK instead. My partner and I were not British, but at the time I was able to get the right to move here and (since we were married), the UK government accepted our relationship as equal. Now we are British, but I am also still American. I don’t know if I’ll ever return, but the UK has benefited greatly since my annual tax payments to the UK are over 50k, and we’ve been here since 2006. Britain’s gain is America’s Loss

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