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Comment: Is Grindr now a hunting ground for technically straight, married men?

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  1. I agree, it’s sickening, and it’s just as bad with ‘bi-curious’ girls too. There’s even a common term for them LUG, Lesbian Until Graduation. This is a major reason why I hate seeing straight people in gay bars, we are not entertainment!!!

    1. GulliverUK 28 Feb 2013, 6:08pm

      Tut tut. The government’s 2009 Equality survey showed 6% LGB, but it showed 8% of people are either attracted to people of the same sex, or have sexual relations with someone of the sane sex, but yet identify themselves as heterosexual ! Lord oh lord !! They’re not even the ones who identify as bisexual, so there are a whole group of people either attracted to people of the same gender, or having sex with someone of the same gender — who identify as heterosexual !!

      http://www.equalityhumanrights.com/uploaded_files/research/research35_so_explored.pdf

      1. Bianca van der Hulst 1 Mar 2013, 11:59am

        Woah there lady! I’m straight, and I’ve went to gay bars on numerous occasions. Not because I think gay people are “entertainment”, but because I truly enjoyed the atmosphere. When a straight person would say “I hate seeing homsexuals at my bar” they would rightfully be called a bigot, and they should feel ashamed of themselves. Equality is for EVERYONE!

        1. Agreed, a friend in London who is gay was turned away from a club because her friend was straight and she doesn’t fit the stereotype.When she came to Newcastle she asked about decent straight clubs as she was going with a couple of straight mates and didn’t want turning away at door! I told her that type of bigotry doesn’t happen in Newcastle, the lgbt community would be up in arms and the editor of our local mag would soon sort it out-go Aly! Equality is what it’s about, not being forced to only going out with your gay mates in fear of being kicked out of clubs. Shame on those for not welcoming gay friendly folk to the scene!

    2. …so gay people can’t have straight friends? or if they do, they shouldn’t bring them to their preferred hangouts? Gay bars shouldn’t take money from straight people in a declining economy? …and if we’re not entertainment, why the drag shows @ bars?

  2. I recall an occasion speaking to the aforementioned “straight on vacation” who seemed perfectly aware of how his life would pan out. He was aware of his same sex attraction, but adamantly claimed he would marry and settle down with a woman. Unaware of what he was saying to me was; your for sex women are for introducing to my parents. The reality is being brought up the out minority, for many of us we spent our childhood years unable to satiate our homosexual lust and seduce the men the girls around us could. Now, when afforded the opportunity to seduce said “straight boy”, we oblige, and facilitate the sexual exploration we were never afforded in our youth.

    1. All the more reason for us to bravely create positive role models, married gay and lesbian couples, and with children, so that those gutless ones see that there IS an alternative to faking love for the opposite sex.

    2. Excellent reposnse! I have a friend (no – honest – it’s not me …) who is currently writing a book. He is ONLY turned on by so-called ‘straight’ men. He has recorded litterally hundreds (shameful!) of ‘enounters’ with them … all saying exactly the same as you, Cameron. In my opinion, my friend is simply being used by these ‘straight men’ as a means of sexual relief … without the potential complications of an affair with a member of the opposite sex. It’s a two-way arrangement, of course. My friend feels ‘special’ to be chosen by these men. I try to tell him he’s simply being used as a ‘Puff of Convenience’. :)

    3. the term is bisexuals in the closet.

    4. I was talking with a gay friend here in the USA and asked him if when he went to boarding school, the kids were doing like the rumors of english boarding school re gay sex

      He told me he never got so much boy pussy in his life as when he was aT THE usa boarding school – all from supposedly str8 guys. G

      ranted lots of it was just fun and experimentation. If you want to see what goes on just look up “dick dorm” on porn sites

  3. I object at this being described as a ‘problem’ – as far as I’m aware, Grindr isn’t a place for anywhere to ‘buy it’ – it’s about hooking up and if it’s just about the sex, why does it matter where on the sexuality spectrum your potential partner is? So what if a guy has a girlfriend but is interested in men? So long as she’s ok with it then why is that a problem for others? This is terrible biphobic rubbish. So disgusted with this, particuarly your comments implying that all bisexual/bi-curious men MUST be secretly gay. Gay men also use Grindr to get photos for their jollies then sod off, surely the problem (if one exists) is that some *people* are not taking Grindr seriouisly enough for your liking, not that some of those people also happen to be attracted to women. Shocked that Pink News would publish this rubbish.

    1. Topher Gen 28 Feb 2013, 4:40pm

      It’s a problem if the ‘curious’ party is already in a relationship. It’s not fair on the female involved.

      1. Or man. (Ostensive) monogamy is not an exclusively heterosexual practice.

        1. Everything permissible, though it may or may not -where the adults are honest and aware- be functional.

          Be brave to be honest for every one’s sake.

      2. Who’s to say she’s not at it too? Why are you trying to impose your moral framework on everyone else.

      3. I agree but if it is disclosed then its up to the two of them what they are gonna do. I don’t condone that but I don’t see it as an issue of sexuality…rather one of personal integrity.

      4. WireMonkey 4 Mar 2013, 11:06pm

        “It’s a problem if the ‘curious’ party is already in a relationship. It’s not fair on the female involved.”

        It’s neither your responsibility nor your right to make moral judgement on someone else’s relationship. You aren’t there; you don’t know the circumstances regarding their arrangements. Of course cheating (defined as sexual and/or romantic activity *without* one’s partner’s specific knowledge and agreement) is wrong, but if the partner knows and is fine with it then you’ve no business casting aspersions on that; if you don’t know one way or the other you’ve no business making assumptions on everyone else’s behalf. And you are seriously kidding yourself if you believe gay men don’t cheat; you’ve left them out of your article entirely.

        And your repeated use of inverted commas to throw ill light on bi-curious people doesn’t make your argument any stronger. It just makes you look like an intolerant dick (which, I’m guessing, you’d rather not be regarded as).

    2. Fishing for images is also a pretty big problem I expect as well. Imagine that you’ve just engaged in a good conversation with someone and it’s getting a little more heated, you oblige to send a pic and BHAM ignored.

      1. ….cos they didn’t like the picture. Duh!

    3. NorthernIrishGuest 28 Feb 2013, 5:38pm

      I think the issue is that these people are not being true to themselves, or to their partners, or to who they are engaging with via Grindr. It’s not fair to anyone involved.

      There is nothing biphobic in wanting assurance that you are not being strung along or ruining a relationship – these are things many people would want regardless of sexual orientation – it just so happens that it is coming from a specific group of people. Nowhere does the person mention that being attracted to women is a reason to not use Grindr. He says that it isn’t right to be dishonest to the other parties – the men they are chatting to and their female partners.

      These people may never identify as bisexual. Sexual activity does not equal sexual orientation – just look at the number of porn stars who are Gay 4 Pay.

      However I do take issue with the closing comments about having a partner adopt a masculine appearence to get the man’s rocks off – can we not have that type of gender bullcrap here.

      1. The writer may be complaining about dishonesty, but then he should be directing his attack at dishonest Grindr users, not straight Grindr users. The two groups are not the same.

    4. I have to (in fear of public flaming) agree with Jay. People meeting people for a quickie is, to me at least, Grindr’s principle use. You can use it for other things if you like, but its naïve to think everyone else is using it for the same reasons you are if your NOT after sex. With that out of the way, what does it matter if one of those people doesn’t want a relationship/hug/swap phone numbers? Thats not why either of you were there in the first place!

      I would argue that the writers stance is a confused combination of not liking rude people (the pic hoarders and sudden silent) which is totally fair enough – I don’t like rude people either! But being rude is not limited to straight/curious types so lets not label them gratuitously. I would also suggest he has perhaps missed the point of why most people use Grindr and again, fair play to him for being noble and wanting something more than a quick hook up, but perhaps if that’s his aim, he’s using the wrong app….

      1. I absolutely agree with Jay and Rob. To me this reads more as a the authors therapy for a bad personal experience on Grindr. It seems like you’re trying to turn this into a wider issue to gain support.

        You said that this is a problem for the community. I think it’s more of a problem for the community when people try to define who and who is not welcome and confuse their own moral judgments on sex and relationships to define who is a valid member of the community.

        It’s great that you felt comfortable with your sexuality since the age of 13. However, not everyone does. I think it’s a central pillar of our community that many of us have struggled with our sexuality and that we should be supportive of those who need more time to explore what sex means to them. It’s clear that you have been able to easily define your sexuality also. However, you confuse being bisexual or bicurious with being uncomfortable.

        Poorly formed comment such as this sets us back decades!

  4. Dude, it’s a fucking cruising app. Who cares what their “official” sexuality is. They’re there for the same reasons you are so stop being such a hypocrite.

    1. I was reading the article thinking exactly that. Thanks.

    2. Exactly!

    3. My sentiments entirely!
      Grindr was set up as a way for guys to hook up for sex. It is NOT a dating site, and was never intended to be. If you’re looking for your ideal life partner then Grindr is probably not the best place to be looking. If you just want some hot and horny NSA sex, it’s ideal.

    4. angrybisexualwoman 18 Mar 2013, 10:01pm

      Thank goodness someone else shared my reaction!! Could this article *be* any more bi-phobic? It’s pretty hurtful and disgusting to read – the guy should take a serious look at himself… as you’ve put it, it’s a f*cking cruising app, not match.com!!

  5. Sate* your curiosity, not “slate”.
    Role* playing, not “roll playing”.

    1. And picqued* their curiosity, not “peaked.”

      1. Damn – piqued*

    2. And while we’re at it piqued* not “peaked”

      Does PinkNews actually employ a copy editor?

      1. And horde* of straight men, not “hoard.”

        1. What about “a whored of straight men”?

          You are a glorious pedant Rehan, you simply correct but don’t intimidate too much.

          I enjoy your ongoing efforts to educate all of us here.

          1. :-)

            (I like the ‘glorious’.)

          2. Spanner1960 2 Mar 2013, 2:56pm

            That’s why he employs me.
            He corrects, I intimidate. :)

  6. Maurice Nagington 28 Feb 2013, 4:44pm

    Er… so your basic arguement is that if you have any tendencies towards same sex attraction you must/should just come out and be gay?

    Seriously…?

    Doesn’t this somewhat paint abit of a naive picture of human sexuality. So what if some guys want to experiment. Good for them I say. At least they are willing to test the boundaries of the sexual category which society creates for them. Human sexuality is not only wonderful and varied, it is also fluid. If someone’s horny, and fancies some fun with a guy on Monday but not on Tuesday, what is ‘wrong’ with that? Oh, yeh, it’s wrong because gay men get all protective about their political identity and only want fully fledged gay men. Please, I thought/hoped we’d moved beyond an us and them attitude.

    I’m the first to argue for gay rights, but we can’t achieve them by excluding people who just want to have some fun with another guy from having it.

    1. Yes Seriously – most homophobia comes from ingnorant so called heteros – who are the first to denounce Gays – until they cannot suppress their closeted homosexuality any longer – so go ‘Hunting’ for same sex – betraying their wives and family -

      1. Let us use your logic. Articles like this that deny, ridicule, belittle bisexuality, and anyone of a sexually curious nature, are really written by men who are actually suppressing their bisexuality and the fluid nature of sexuality . .

        While I might see a certain degree of reality in that I doubt very much that you would like that argument applied back at you.

  7. It’s a cruising app, if anyone’s hoping to meet prince charming on it I think they’ll be sourly disappointed.

  8. Jason Brown 28 Feb 2013, 5:14pm

    Why is everything deemed straight or gay? Black or white?

    It’s an app for one night stands essentially so all of this is moot.

    1. human sexuality like race is diverse. There do happen to be brown and yellow people in the beautiful rainbow of the human race, just as there are bisexual and transexuals in the quantum of human sexuality.
      The article is wrong in its conclusions simply because it begins with the premise that grindr is a gay app when in reality it is a hook up app for gay AND bisexual men

  9. “I severely dislike being treated like a piece of meat or, more aptly, a quick snack”

    “It belittles the gay community; the fact that we’re seen as mere playthings by some orientation-challenged men who, once they’ve had their fun, toss us to the side like last season’s clothes is degrading.”

    “failing to even conjure up the simplest romantic quip”

    “They request pictures, get their jollies and then suddenly vanish and we’re left lingering, feeling empty”

    “We’re not here to dispense naughty pictures for you to get rocks off too, for a fool around in your car or be your bit on the side. We are not a novelty; we are humans – humans that are a lot braver than you.”

    Hilarious. Can I humbly suggest that you cancel your Grindr account and buy clothes that last more than a season.

    1. Topher Gen 28 Feb 2013, 5:42pm

      You’re all missing the point: I’ve no issue with people being curious BUT if they have a partner, then it’s morally wrong. How is it fair to string a long a girl or even your wide, they may even have kids, and then still think its acceptable behaviour to flirt/sleep with men then deny their sexuality. Please explain to me how that behaviour isn’t morally bankrupt?

      Also, remarks on spelling or bitchy comments about clothes? Grow up. People form opinions and may not agree with them, but if you have nothing constructive to offer then I’d be grateful if you closed your laptop, moved into the corner of your room and stay there until further notice.

      1. There are PLENTY of gay men with partners cruising Grindr just as hard as their straight counterparts. If your beef is with the unfaithfulness that Grindr promotes/enables, then why single out the straight/questioning crowd?

        …and when you’re writing for a major “news” site, yes, spelling & grammar matter. If you can’t write intelligently & correctly, then WE’D be grateful if you closed your laptop, moved into the corner of your room and stay there until further notice.

      2. Again, it is not only heterosexual men who have partners, or even children.

      3. Grindr and morals – I think not! mind you as my phone is still in the stone age this is all a little academic for me…

      4. Er…actually I think it’s totally valid to highlight the fact that the piece is riddled with spelling and grammar errors, it adds to the overall effect that you wrote it in about 5 minutes flat and that no-one at Pink News reviewed it.

        1. Quite right, it comes across as shoddy in too many respects.

        2. …especially when you’ve made a point to point out “that most Grindr users butcher the English language”

          1. I like irony, it makes me smile.

      5. If you are dealing with adults, you have to assume they will behave as adults. An app designed for quick hook-ups is not the place to question whether the people who’re using them are entirely frank with their partners or not. If you want to know how people behave and what their moral principles are, get to know them first, don’t just arrange for a quick shag.

      6. “if they have a partner, then it’s morally wrong.”

        Not necessarily. Polyamory can play a part in relationships and it can be healthy if there are common understanding between all involved what the ground rules are.

        What is unhealthy is if one person is cheating by lying and going behind the back of the other. That’s where things slide down hill very fast. People start to justify things to themselves in a way that puts everyone at risk. For example, “I’m not cheating. It wasn’t planned. It just happened” which means that next time they won’t do any proper “planning”, no condoms will be bought, and STDs spread.

        I do know couples where one (or both) are bi-sexual and have an understanding that they can each go with a person of the other gender to their parter with certain ground rules. It works. They have a strong relationship and no one gets hurt.

        1. WireMonkey 4 Mar 2013, 10:39pm

          THANK YOU. I went through this whole article thinking, ‘Not only can this guy not spell, not only is he making points from a moral standpoint whilst ‘gently brushing aside’ the general facts most know about Grindr (it’s not called LoveyDoveySweetHeartMeetingPoint for a reason), but he appears to be biphobic AND polyphobic.’ It is not the author’s place to determine the relative moral fibre of the relationship behind the bi-curious men on Grindr, nor are open relationships or polyamorous relationships any less valid than closed relationships or singledom.

          As many people have stated, this author’s problem appears to be entirely with bi-curious and bisexual people in relationships, NOT with dishonesty on Grindr, or he would have addressed the whole issue.

          Don’t look now but your bias is showing.

      7. You wish to impose YOUR morals upon other people? Isn’t that the place from which anti-gay laws began?
        All Grindr users are adults and have the ability to work out for themselves whether they wish to be doing what they are doing. Some are there without their partner’s knowledge, some are there as couples, looking for a third to join them. Some, believe it or not are there with their partner’s full knowledge and blessing. Infidelity is not the exclusive preserve of the heterosexual male. In fact, I’d even go so far as to say that the incidence of infidelity is greater within gay couples than within straight ones. I have no scientific corroboration for that opinion, it just comes from the number of profiles I’ve seen which state that the owner is gay and partnered.

    2. There is nothing wrong with a snack between meals.

  10. How many more times?

    Sex is a fluid thing – a kaleidoscope of attractions, tastes and fetishes – and men who are straight in the true sense of the word probably number around the same as those who identify as gay.

    That leaves a majority of men in the middle with a slight to predominant attraction to men while also being slightly to predominantly attracted to women.

    It is from this significant sub group from which you are likely to find “strays” on Grindr.

    As for the prospect of any truly “straight” guy accidentally downloading the app and entering his information and pics, like the thought of hundreds of Olympic athletes crashing Grindr in the Stratford region last summer, in your, ahem, wet dreams!

    1. I would add that this article betrays an alarming lack of maturity and lowering of editorial commissioning criteria on the part of PN, and is the sort of thing I might expect to read in a tawdry club scene rag.

      Erm, not that I ever would, you understand (grubby things)…

  11. What an unpleasant, judgmental young man.

  12. If you’re so offended by being viewed/used as a plaything, may I suggest that you delete Grindr from your phone ASAP? It’s a frikkin’ CRUISING APP. Its purpose (Apple appstore puffery notwithstanding) is to get you laid. I promise you, the actual gay men you might meet from Grindr view you as just as much a piece of meat as the gay-curious straight guys. Why are YOU using Grindr if it’s not to find a man-toy to help you get your rocks off??

    1. Well said!

  13. Oh, come on, many a gay man is guilty of this exact same thing of picking up a guy online for sex and never having contact again.

  14. “It belittles the gay community; the fact that we’re seen as mere playthings by some orientation-challenged men who, once they’ve had their fun, toss us to the side like last season’s clothes is degrading.”

    Really? This behavior is reserved only for out gay men? This is quite a bizarre assertion. I’d venture to say that virtually all of the men hooking up for sex on grindr could care less how someone self-identifies.

  15. Suddenly Last Bummer 28 Feb 2013, 6:44pm

    Wasn’t Pink News pro Grindr about a year or two ago? I remember reading some gushing interview with the ‘brains’ behind the application on this site. Now it appears to be open season on the app. Did Benjamin Cohen have his profile on Grindr refused?! Curiouser and curiouser.

    1. David Waite 28 Feb 2013, 11:21pm

      This couldn’t be an attack on Grindr by Benjamin Cohen because he is too smart to use a semi-literate, bi-phobic, illogical and obvious hypocrite as his stalking horse to write a comment column which could only reflect poorly on the editors and the publisher of Pink News. If you want to take Mr. Cohen to task, do it for the very real journalism FAIL by PN, first in allowing and then not editing or even proofreading this waste of bandwidth.

      Do you honestly think anyone who wanted to attack the 21st century equivalent of a meat rack would hire someone for the hatchet job who is too stupid to realize that Grindr isn’t for romance, bromance, oxytocinal reactions or anything other than facilitating “rem in re” between the app’s users?

  16. I don’t think Grindr is for you mate.

  17. Grindr is a meat market.

    How can you be self-righteous about people’s intentions to meet people for fun?

    If someone wants some ‘no strings’ then it takes two consenting adults and it’s a private matter.

    If you don’t like someone then don’t chat or meet them. If you don’t like Grindr, then don’t use it.

    1. Yeah, I thought meaningless, quick, gratuitous, objectifying sex was the WHOLE POINT of Grindr…MEAT Grindr…

      Well honestly I have not used it (no, really! Lol!) so I’m just going by impressions. But straight guys looking for a gay man to play with don’t bother me either. When I was in University I was about the only openly gay man around and I got a lot of interest…some of those guys were saying they trusted me, or felt comfortable with me…that was a compliment! Oh, I didn’t ever bottom for them…no complaints that I heard about either.

  18. Some gentlemen prefer a tighter fit.

    1. Suddenly Last Bummer 28 Feb 2013, 9:09pm

      Once you plough ass you’ll never do gash.

  19. There are so many things wrong with this article that it’s hard to know where to begin. The author’s view of men who have sex with men (be they gay, bi, queer, straight-identifying) on apps like Grindr (given his prudish views, I’m guessing he’s not on scruff) sets up an idea of fixed identities that is out of step with many people’s experiences. I know plenty of gay men who have sex with women – sometimes with me watching – and it doesn’t mean that they are identifying as anything other than gay. And I know plenty of men who do not identify as gay who fuck other men. The problem is setting up sexual orientation categories as a fixed, immutable truth about the self, rather than looking at these as one off sex acts with a mutually-attracted person. Clearly, people have lots of different sex with lots of different people for lots of different reason. Just because they are not gold star doesn’t mean that this sex is not legitimate – it’s a Grindr fuck, not a statement to the world.

    1. Suddenly Last Bummer 28 Feb 2013, 9:07pm

      Aaaah Scruff, where would my love life be without you. ♥

  20. Let’s get one thing “straight” – if you fancy someone of the same sex, you’re gay. These folks are in the closet, that’s all. No criticism of that, but let’s not call them straight. They’re not. And come on, let’s be honest – curious – yeah right – gay!

    1. some people like both men & women – they’re called bisexual.

      1. David Waite 28 Feb 2013, 11:37pm

        And there are more bisexual humans than gay/lesbian humans and exclusively heterosexual humans combined. The author of this screed apparently is equally ignorant of this fact. Of course the other thing the author doesn’t know is that he is the only human on Grindr who thinks the app is for anything other than uncommitted sex. Pathetic.

    2. Harlequin 1 Mar 2013, 5:26am

      And following the same reasoning, If you fancy someone of the opposite sex, you’re straight. Logically, therefore, if you fancy people of both sexes then you’re both gay and straight. I think there’s a word for that (within the narrow linguistic straitjacket of such simplistic renderings of human desire).

      1. Harlequin 1 Mar 2013, 5:32am

        I should perhaps add for purposes of clarification that I generally describe myself as homosexual despite having caught myself being aroused my images of females on a few occasions. I do hope I’m not one of those terrible, self-loathing, closeted heterosexuals that I’ve heard so much about.

      2. Harlequin 1 Mar 2013, 5:33am

        *aroused by

    3. Umm, bisexual people do exist you know! Please show some f**king respect. If anything bisexual people have it much worse than gay people – they end up being given stick from both sides, gay and straight, and this is the perfect example of that. If people want to experiment and need an easier way to do it then good on them I say! it’s about time people were themselves and tried things outside the boundaries. It’s called open-mindedness and tolerance. Get used to it.

    4. This is the truest, most worthwhile comment on this article.

  21. Oh ffs, someone getting moral about grindr.

  22. All ‘hook-up’ sites have men who are actually bisexual but are heterosexual to all who know them. The sites also have openly gay men seeking encounters with these secretly bisexual men. I don’t know if the same is true for women. It is a reflection of the newly found opportunities for people to satisfy their sexual desires in the age of the internet and also a reflection of society that some of these people still have to live secret lives. Bisexuality is still frowned upon by many heterosexuals and gay people and as a result people who are actually bisexual find it easier to live as ‘straight’ and also have a secret life.

    It is difficult to be judgemental of sexual practices that only involve consenting adults – however, many of these secretly bisexual men have wives and children to whom they are lying – so there are victims.

    Cont’d. >>>

    1. If the education system treated homosexuality as equal to heterosexuality, homophobia would dramatically reduce in schools. As a result, people would grow-up with a more open-minded attitude towards sexuality and there would be less inclination for bisexual people to have secret lives.

  23. I love how everyone who criticises Grindr is put in the “prudish and moralistic” box, never to be heard from again. Why people can’t just express the opposite opinion without trying to belittle someone else by tarnishing them as some frigid twat who has his DVDs in alphabetical order is beyond me.

    Grindr in itself “belittles” the so-called “gay community.” You can dress it all up all you like with all this talk of “consenting adults doing private business,” “where’s the harm?” etc. But it’s still a slut’s playground, and that’s all it will ever be. Fine if you are a slut and can admit it, I couldn’t give a shit, but when someone calls a spade a spade please don’t whine, just say you’re a slut and proud. It won’t change the fact other people are entitled to their opinion.

    Personally I think Grindr (although I’ve never used it) is fine if people use it sparingly. However, I know some people who can’t hold a conversation over a pint without their eyes glued to their phones. Pathetic.

    1. “However, I know some people who can’t hold a conversation over a pint without their eyes glued to their phones. Pathetic.”

      Pathetic, indeed. Just pick up your pint, and vote with your feet.

      Anyone who approaches our house is warned to switch off all handheld devices and to keep them entirely out of sight! We will not tolerate them.

  24. Brian Frederick 28 Feb 2013, 11:14pm

    I see this problem – and it is indeed, a problem – as akin to misogyny. Women have been dealing with it throughout history, but so have men – at least ‘bottoms’, or those who choose to identify as ‘gay’, or who might be perceived as ‘camp’, or – bless them – men who are HIV or Hep-C positive.

    Add to this the increasing use of quips such as ‘no fats’, ‘no Asians’, ‘no blacks’, ‘clean’ (*shudder*) etc. in online/app profiles and it’s very clear that the pride that once held our community together has begun to unravel. I find the only solace is when I’m with my straight friends – they seem to have become my staunchest defenders. Not my ‘gay’ brothers.

    My fear is that when contemptuous ‘outsiders’ observe how we treat each other, they have less incentive to treat us any different. And yet, we still continue to ‘Grind’.

    Perhaps we need a Grindr boycott to start? Or we need to call Joel Simkhai on the mat and seek accountability. I agree with Gen’s comments completely. Enough is enough.

  25. A dating site used to be called a bar. Care to direct people to an online site hat serves the same function? I doubt you’d be able to.

    1. Frank Boulton 7 Mar 2013, 2:44pm

      Sounds like the author needs a dating site rather than a a cruising app. If I knew of a UK based dating site, I’d recommend it to him. What I can’t understand is, if he finds Grindr gives him such negative experiences, why not try something else? If there isn’t something to cater for your tastes, then you should create a group, real or virtual, that does.

  26. These people need to get over them selves , every person comes to there own real in there own time it’s not for any one else to say how it should be .

  27. I disagree with the article just for the fact that 99% of people on grindr want a quick ‘hook up’ or encounter as you may call it, and to be honest… I’ve pulled a straight guy on there before and all
    I could say was… Result! If you don’t like the odd straight person propositioning you then use that red X block button that the app developers kindly gave us :)

  28. There is so much I disagree with in this post that I don’t know where to start. I will say this though, may I introduce you to the Kinsey Scale. Sexuality is fluid, why is everyone so hell bent on putting people into labelled boxes? Is it not possible for a straight man to occasionally want to have sex with another man? And if he does, what ways would you suggest he go about that, perhaps he should use an app designed to facilitate sex between men? It’s not like these straight men are setting up Guardian SoulMates profiles. It’s Grindr! Lighten up!

  29. Why does it need to be so black and white? Defining people by their sexuality as simply straight or gay is extremely regressive.

    Personally I don’t really believe in sexuality and feel that people should be allowed to love, kiss, touch, flirt, speak (etc) with whoever they want to regardless of sex as long as it is mutually consensual.

    If a ‘straight’ friend kissed a guy then that is no big deal to me. When I kiss girls that is no big deal to them. Its time for us all to relax.

  30. Grindr is vile. You are naieve if you expect anyone to treat anyone with respect on a hook up App.

    1. Suddenly Last Bummer 1 Mar 2013, 7:02pm

      Well if both guys just want a fuck then what’s the problem? Anyone using Grindr for a relationship is seriously deluded and should stay single.

  31. I am sure someone has already said this and I don’t use Grindr for oh so many reasons, but…isn’t quick, meaningless, objectifying sex the whole point of Grindr? How is this different?

    Maybe not, like I said i don’t use it but that’s sort of what I’ve always thought…MEAT Grindr…

  32. It’s interesting that Christopher has not said that he has ever met a single straight man, of the type he is describing, on Grindr.

    Is this just his bad luck, is it that they are very selective, is it that they simply never meet anybody, or is there some other reason?

  33. This article is the biggest load of poop I’ve seen for a while. There is so much wrong with the attitude here. To suggest straight men treat gay men like meat… in your dreams! Gay men are the worst for this!

    Someone’s obviously been rejected by a straight guy on Grindr and decided to vent. I can’t believe PN even published this.

  34. Paul Clevett 1 Mar 2013, 1:14pm

    Yes

  35. I completely agree and this isn’t just happening on grindr.

    It’s happening in social bars and gay venues, my friends from uni found out I was gay in first year (I didn’t tell them outright, I just never hid my feelings/past relationships and its pretty obvious :p), a lot of them suddenly became bi curious etc and wanted me to show/try/do things with them.
    It felt degrading and lonely, i think it was just something new to try for them, but to me its my whole sextual orientation.

    So went to gay bars and events just to meet guys and found a lot of them in the club were either straight but there for the entertainment(drag queens, fab music) or bi-curious and wanting to try things out. It’s feels as though the whole LGBT scene is being treated as joke.

    Being gay isn’t a big deal anymore (so my friends seem to say) so why don’t guys/girls try it out in straight bars too???
    why it’s such a big deal that guys who want to try things can’t try it with other straight/bi curious guys?

  36. How utterly fucking ridiculous. We were all “straights on vacation” until we came out fully.

    Get real. Grow up.

  37. I think you’re probably damaging us more by reverting to such ridiculous, boring, phrases and cliches (last seasons clothes? friend of Dorothy?) – Seriously?! You’re speaking for the gay community?

    It’s not easy for some people to admit their sexuality, it may be 2013 but stigma and prejudice is still rife. At least Grindr is a relatively safe environment for people who must call themselves ‘straight’ to meet others.

    Could go on – disagree with everything in this article.

  38. I completely agree and this isn’t just happening on grindr.
    It’s happening in social bars and gay venues, my friends from uni found out I was gay in first year (I didn’t tell them outright, I just never hid my feelings/past relationships and its pretty obvious :p), a lot of them suddenly became bi curious etc and wanted me to show/try/do things with them.
    It felt degrading and lonely, i think it was just something new to try for them, but to me its my whole sextual orientation.
    So went to gay bars and events just to meet guys and found a lot of them in the club were either straight but there for the entertainment(drag queens, fab music) or bi-curious and wanting to try things out. It’s feels as though the whole LGBT scene is being treated as joke.
    Being gay isn’t a big deal anymore (so my friends seem to say) so why don’t guys/girls try it out in straight bars too???
    why it’s such a big deal that guys who want to try things can’t try it with other straight/bi curious guys?

    1. So I assume you find it degrading when gay men treat you the same way? Because Grindr and Gay Bars are not often known for their ability to connect people in a long term relationship.

      Being bisexual I experience the same thing. Doesn’t bother me at all because, frankly, if someone wants that with me it is flattering; they trust me and they find certain aspects of me attractive. And if you don’t want to, or you’re in a happy relationship, you just say no.

      And as to why: look above. Safety to experiment without disgust at even the approach, without joking, and without judgement; attraction; and a greater chance of the answer being yes. Nothing being treated as a joke there, quite the opposite in fact; for them I imagine it is very serious.

  39. ‘Piqued their curiosity’, not ‘peeked’. Really? Is a proof reader too hard to find?

  40. You “dislike being treated like a piece of meat”?
    But Grindr is all about being treated as a piece of meat! That’s its sole purpose.

  41. And how many more Grindr-bashing articles PinkNews is going to publish? It seems to be a fairly regular occasion on here.

  42. Number One: The word is “pique”, not “peek”. Two COMPLETELY different things.
    Number Two: The argument that these “straights on a vacation” pose any kind of risk to gays is as stupid as the claim that gays somehow pose a threat to hetero marriage. If you’re not interested in a bi-guy, DON’T BE WITH HIM. That simple.

  43. Whatever Trevor 2 Mar 2013, 11:38am

    Grindr isn’t for wooing, it’s for fucking.

    Bore off and join Match.com

  44. It’s just guys in the closet. Is there anything new about this? I don’t think there is anything offensive about closeted guys dipping their toes in the water. They’re in the bars and clubs, on the hookup sites, cruising the parks and in the saunas. Why is it more offensive that they’re on Grindr??

  45. “Gently brushing aside the questionable morals and ethics of Grindr… ” what gives you the right to make moral judgements? Whether or not allegedly straight men are using grindr, questioning the morals or ethics of those people that use is repugnant, objectionable and is a nasty display of prejudice.

  46. Ken Lewis 2 Mar 2013, 8:42pm

    I doubt it its the biggest load of apps crap there is and they have the cheek to ask for money. I went for a weekend break hoping to find someone new and it did not move with me. I still had the choice of guys i left at home. Time they give up

  47. Paul Halsall 3 Mar 2013, 2:38pm

    Topher,

    You are quite right. I am all for open bisexuals. Repeat open, but these assholes who just want to use you and thing that they have not had real sex, are nasty.

    I find most of the comments here selfhating.

    1. Exactly, open and honest. No problems with that.

  48. David Robertson 3 Mar 2013, 4:35pm

    FTFY “piqued their curiosity”

  49. Sam D. Maloney 3 Mar 2013, 7:13pm

    I wonder how many of these ‘straights on vacation’ are taking the first steps on the journey of accepting their sexuality and owning it publicly?

  50. SuperSmashingGreat 3 Mar 2013, 11:46pm

    As most people reading this article will be aware, sexuality is a complicated matter. Why is it a strange idea that a straight man might want to have sex with another man? If someone likes BDSM for example, does it mean they like violence? If someone likes aggressive rough sex, does that mean they advocate rape? I doubt these people do. I find it completely comprehensible that a straight man could want to engage in sexual activity’s with another man. This does not make him gay, bi-sexual or even bi-curious. Those 3 identities would result in an emotional engagement, not just physical.

  51. If it wasn’t for the anti-gay conditioniong we’ve ALL been subjected to all our lives – particularly from religion – wouldn’t the majority of males be ‘bi-curious’? Indeed, perhaps this very fact is WHY religions, particularly those that, in the past needed more ‘cannon fodder, have made it their policy to condemn homosexuality? As the religiously-inspired taboos about homosexuality dwindle ever further, I think it’ll become increasingly obvious that the majority of us – male and female – will feel more able to explore fully all aspects of our sexuality.

  52. One’s interest is ‘piqued’, not ‘peeked’.

  53. I get what you mean but at the same time I am somewhat reading between the lines that you experienced this and are using this opportunity to rant about your experience in a subtle way. I think many of us have experienced this somewhere, not just on an app. It is expected. There are plenty of fish in the sea. If one is unhappy with grindr then find another app or just make friends in real life. I prefer the latter… it’s more personal and helps me read if someone is genuine. That’s my two cents… er pence.

  54. I would to point out this article was written by someone who wrote an article for PN last year about not seeing the point in Gay Pride anymore? And believes Gay Pride events should no longer exist? Case closed

  55. What a stupid article. So you don’t want to be “used” by bi-curious men? Here’s a tip – don’t meet up with them for sex.

  56. Mike Hoffman 5 Mar 2013, 2:18pm

    Such utter bullshit. You realise what grindr is used for. If you don’t like it, get off the app.

  57. Christ, I think that article is the dumbest thing I’ve read for a very long time. Your writer* is an absolute moron.

    *and to describe him as such is doing him a MASSIVE kindness.

  58. Is PinkNews seriously publishing this biphobic piffle?

  59. Pathetic! I’m seriously considering no longer reading this site if this is the kind of rubbish that’s written for it. How other people (other than this prissy madam) use a cruising app and why? Really? Who is that supposed to be of interest to?

  60. Although I agree that Grindr is a hook up app, I guess the point this article is trying to make is about fidelity or that’s what I felt. First of all there is no way for someone to know especially on an app like grindr if someone is who/what they claim to be and I guess that’s the point of such apps, NSA fun right in your hands. So I wouldn’t say it’s fair to argue abt who comes and goes on an app or site like Grindr. On the other hand, being from India, I have seen several self aware gay men marry just for society and literally USE other gay men for their pleasures. This is unfair to both the woman, especially if the gay man doesn’t know that this person is already married and perhaps even have kids. I have friends who had been taken for a ride by closeted gay men who were married with kids and claim to be single. I guess this is what this article tried to bring out.

    1. Then why does the article not specify this? Instead it indulges in bigoted bi-phobic rhetoric, while emphasising that only card carrying, ‘friends of Dorothy’ (ugly stereotype), should be able to cruise Grindr.

      If the article is about fidelity where is the section devoted to gay men in relationships using Grindr to meet and cheat? Or the section about polygamous relationships? Open relationships? The complexity of sexuality?

      In fact if the article is about fidelity why on Earth focus on Grindr?! Bars, nightclubs, gay bars, offices, Universities and Sci-Fi conventions should all be name checked. Except they aren’t.

      This article is essentially says only one thing, using Grindr as a cloak: those sexualities that aren’t gay or straight don’t exist, stop lying, get real, or get out of our space. It is a nasty little screed that warrants no defence.

  61. Maybe it’s a little sinical but in a way I agree with the below comments. Grindr is by no means a way to meet a man to fall in love with. It’s simply a means to get “laid”. I don’t agree with married “straight” men playing with other men but then again we all have free will and can just not talk to them. Try not to be so sensative if you want to meet a quality guy to “buy” get off your phone and step into reality.

  62. What a piece of rubbish. And you spelled PIQUED incorrectly. This trashy article is as stupid as the gay man who says to a bi man “oh you’re just gay and don’t want to admit it”. One of the many reasons this gay man does not partake of the oxymoronic “gay culture”. It’s populated by stupid fags like this — and yes you stupid commenters who agreed with him are included in my lament — as hypocritical as Cardinal O’Brien. Not all fags want to wear a rainbow flag and shout it from the rooftops because daddy didn’t give you enough attention growing up. Calling these men hypocrites for not identifying as gay while they’re still figuring it out is fascist, ignorant, bullying and as bad as what gay men must put up with certain others in “straight” society. I live for the day when we just live in a society where all are equal and idiots like this author and Perez Hamilton are forced to live on an island with only each other as company.

  63. Ed Stevens 11 Mar 2013, 7:42pm

    Oh wonderful – glad to get whatever comes along no questions asked. The more the merrier.

  64. The only problem I had with this article is this contention that the wife, girlfriend, etc of the aforementioned bi-curious man is going to blame the entire homosexual community for their sweetie straying over to the other side. Who is this writer talking about? None of the women I know, we are not in the 1950s. Most women (and men) that I know would most likely think that this man is bi-curious and that has a spectrum all it’s own. He’ll either find out that he was most likely gay all along, and didn’t want to admit to himself or anyone else. And either didn’t like it too well or liked it very much, in which case he might be put on a sexual proclivity continuum either more to the right side, or left. Or, just a plain old bi-sexual, they do exist. In any case, all the people I know would just think that this is this guy’s problem (or answer) and I don’t know anybody who would blame the homosexual community for “luring” him in. I don’t know any Evangelicals of that sort.

  65. Someone fell in love with some straight d**k and got their heart busted when he took his ball and went home. Get over it princess, we’ve all been there.

    As far as false pretenses, dude grow up, 90% of Grindr is false and it’s all pretense.

    Nice work slamming anyone who might be exploring their sexuality.

    Maybe what you say about these “straight on vacation” guys is true — then again, maybe what they say about people like you is true too.

    Compassion: Give some to get some.

  66. Easy solution, no gay sex before gay marriage.

  67. “What’s wrong with this? Well, I’m not sure what your feelings are on the matter, but I severely dislike being treated like a piece of meat or, more aptly, a quick snack.”

    they why the hell are you on Grindr mate

  68. Talk about bi-phobia. This article is an embarrassment to everything this website stands for.

  69. FYI Christopher Gen: I think you men to say ‘piqued’ not ‘peeked’ in your irt paragraph. The article is mildly interesting, although clearly would have benefited from some copy editing.

    S

    1. Why target straight men? Why even target bisexuals (and, yes, they do exist despite judgmental, insecure opinions)? Anybody else the author would like to block on a site whose intent is to find “meat”? How many gays cheat on their partner on hookup sites like Grindr, and so many others (adam4adam, etc.).

      Seriously, why is this even published? It sure ain’t breaking news or an insightful article…

  70. What a severely sex negative view of life this Christopher has. Is there something wrong with hooking up with another person for sex? How much does their identified sexuality matter in a hook-up? If Chris wants a friendship or life partnership he should try somewhere other than Grindr.

  71. “but I severely dislike being treated like a piece of meat or, more aptly, a quick snack.” on grindr and you object to that treatment? seriously? You’re stupid to assume that just because someones seen your pictures and dosent want to take it further makes them straight, and that exchanging pictures and finishing it at that isnt a perfectly normal behaviour for a gay?
    and your offhand lumping of bisexuals into that category is frankly offensive, a bisexual browsing grindr is as likely to bite as a gay.

  72. Grind-a-dolt 23 Mar 2013, 11:20am

    I won’t even go into details about what I find objectionable about this article, as I’d be here all day. Suffice it to say that obviously our little ‘author’ must’ve thoroughly misunderstood the basic raison d’etre of Grindr. But more importantly I’m highly surprised that PN would even grant such ridiculous, judgemental, wrong-in-so-many-ways, piffle, piffle, PIFFLE, with a ‘publish’ ! It appears you’re in need of a better editor.

  73. This is nothing new. Before there was Grindr, there were chat rooms & usenet. Before the internet, there was tearooms/bathrooms/parks & Damron’s guide to cruising spots…..Grindr just makes it easier to do without leaving the house.

  74. Who are you to dictate natural sexual curiosity? I am happy that you are happy just to have solely gay men as friends. For you to say any kind of sexual conduct is putting yourself on the same level as those homophobic bigots who also wish to impose their lifestyle upon others…Vive la difference !

    1. Of course, I meant to say ‘For you to say that any kind of natural sexual conduct between two consenting adults is wrong……”… (My ‘puter keeps omitting whole sentences)…..Sorry.

  75. Oh get a grip Christopher.

  76. Was there a the memo that said only card carrying gay hook ups can you treat you like a piece of meat?

  77. What worries me more, is the fact that they are married and cheating and a lot of gay guys just go for it anyway. Not only with Grindr, but with Manhunt its the same, married man are even in the list of interests. I mean, come on! It’s not only their fault, its whoever sleeping with them fault too!. Im just sad for all those women, they’re the real victims here.

    1. But that is true for cheating across the board. There are similar hook-up sites for straight guys and gals that stipulate one-night stands only, as the expectation is that they’re in relationships. It is a bit frightening to be fair. Like people need that much help to cheat?! ;-).

  78. Reading a couple articles on this site, it seems your editor really needs to start working harder. There are a lot of issues with this article. Nobody has really stated that you can just drop it if the person is married, and nobody is forcing you to send pictures to anybody else. You are allowed to be selective with who you sleep with, even on apps like Grindr (shocking, right?!)

    If you want NSA fun, then don’t attach strings. If you feel guilty, then rethink your NSA fun. Keep in mind you’re also using the other guy to get your rocks off.

    ‘straight on vacation’ isn’t the right term these men are bi, or bi-curious, please call them that. My #1 question to them is, “What does your wife think?” and most tell me they don’t know. I usually respond with “You should tell them.”

    If you’re looking to promote health in the queer community, then do that, instead of judging people.

  79. I’ve never used Grindr and I barely know what it is, but what a RIDICULOUS article!! “It belittles the gay community; the fact that we’re seen as mere playthings by some orientation-challenged men who, once they’ve had their fun, toss us to the side like last season’s clothes is degrading”

    HELLOOOOOO? Where have you been? This is how most gay people have been treating each other for decades!!

    This article truly beggars belief. Either you’re extremely stupid, either you’ve never been to a gay club or bar in your entire life.

  80. ‘Straights on Vacation’. What an utterly reductive view of sexuality you have. Jesus, I expect thinking like that from the straight community where anything not defined in black and white terms is either viewed as greed or denial. I’m bisexual. I’ve been in LTRs with men and women. Christ most psychological testing suggests that sexuality is a much more fluid spectrum than current sexual identification politics allows. As does the history of sexual identification; china (pre-western intervention), Greece, Rome, anywhere pre-Christianity. Oh: and so do studies of sexual behaviour in animals. Some people like prefer one gender, some don’t. If we lived in a truly tolerant world you’d see that it is likely that the majority wouldn’t conform wholly with one definition or another; the proliferation of bi-curious should attest to that. Or is it the article-writers sincere contention that every man who finds any man attractive, if only one man, once in a lifetime, must be gay. Funny, but the

  81. same argument was often made by the Christian Right about gay sexual activity. Nice to see that bigotry can be passed on: some form of baton in a never-ending relay race.

    And complaining about being seen as a piece of meat. On Grindr. Or, realistically, in the gay community at large. Seriously? A large majority of men identifying as Gay, especially on blooming’ Grindr, are predatory, and interested in a quick fumble. Which is fine.but you can’t say ‘that’s only OK for real Gays’. If you’re both entering into whatever type, or length, of relationship and you are both honest about what you want from said relationship: what’s the harm?

    And, before anyone asks, I’m currently in a happy, healthy monogamous relationship with a woman, before that a man, with numerous flings between with differing genders. And all but my earliest partners knew my sexuality. As do any friends that have ever asked, or been interested. Oddly, women are more tolerant of bisexuality than men as, while both

  82. Are initially apprehensive about cheating, gay men, on the whole, have such bigoted views about it that it is painful. I’ve been called a liar, a cheat, a category of sexuality that doesn’t exist, greedy, unhealthy, and have even been turned down because of it. And then some barely literate doofus posts an article like this on a site with a huge readership. No wonder such bigotry exists in the gay ‘sector’.

    What is really heartening is seeing that the majority of people here called out the article’s foolishness in no uncertain terms. Thanks folks. As a teen I was so confused, felt I didn’t fit anywhere, would cycle through different porn feeling more the freak because I liked gay, straight, and inbetween. Hardly a towering achievement for anti-discrimination really. I’m 27 now and only hope that ‘the yoof’ find it easier to be whatever they want: kiss, sex-up, and love whoever you want, however you want, whenever you want, as long as you both consent. Just be happy. And legal ;-).

  83. To point out: when I mention differing reactions to fluid sexuality between gay men, and women, I am referring specifically to: for men and women, the average response that greeted my reply to ‘are you gay’ from people that were either close to me, or prospective partners. While the ‘typical’ response of the straight community I first mention is the stereotypical impression that I was led to believe would be the norm from hetero-normative folk. My own experience has actually been the flip of that. If a ‘straight’ person has a issue it is usually with all non-straight relationships, or the idea that you are experimenting, while, in my experience (as the whole post is), the response from certain sections of the gay community is exactly the bigotry, which they’ve striven so hard to demolish, originally aimed at them by the Daily Mail type folk.

    I’d be really happy for sexual identity to fade away and for people just, like me, to be in any type of consensual relationship sans labels.

    1. Well said. A mature and intelligent view of real sexuality; and from one so young! ;)

  84. What the hell? Do you have a problem with bisexuals?
    What is wrong with bicurious men? Are you saying that they should somehow be ashamed of their sexuality just because they are inquisitive?
    I am in a happy, long term relationship with a girl – but my sexuality does and always has swung fairly wildly from sex to sex semi-regularly.
    I meet with other guys from various websites to keep my needs in check – with my other half’s permission of course.
    Is that a problem for you too?

  85. What’s wrong with this? Well, I’m not sure what your feelings are on the matter, but I severely dislike being treated like a piece of meat or, more aptly, a quick snack……….You are such a lady, get a grip.

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