I have heard many stories from friends and acquaintances of Lesbians changing their minds about the involvement of the natural father (often a Gay friend) early on in the life of the child/children. This (often loving and committed) father is then faced with the emotional and financial trauma of fighting it in the courts. I would advise anyone going into such a relationship to make legal preparations beforehand. Relationships change and this seems to be happening often enough to be a pattern.
“What is crucial is that anyone planning on having a child through the use of fertility treatment should make sure that proper plans are in place before the process begins.”
There should be a VERY clear agreement before the birth and this agreement should be adhered to. Otherwise shit like this happens and it screws up people’s lives.
While cases differ, as a general principle I think it can only benefit a child to have some contact with both biological parents.
I would never agree to be a sperm donor without this.
No, no way. Those men were sperm donors, nothing more. Sperm donors do not have rights over children!
They are still biological parents as much as the mother. They and the child have the right to some contact unless there are special countervailing factors.
(I would say the same for a surrogate or donor mother as well).
Tell the kids that when they are eighteen, when they have been denied any contact with their natural parent their whole lives. They probably won’t thank you.
When they are 18 they have every right to see the sperm (or egg) donor should they wish to. I know I personally never did. They weren’t my parent, and never will be regardless of biology.
So we should make a law just for you then?
As someone who was conceived via sperm donor (I have straight parents, but my dad is infertile), I’m going to assume you actually have no idea what that feels like for the children born to these ‘sperm donors, nothing more’. Actually, that man, whomever he may be, provided 50% of my DNA, and I’ll never know who he was. To say they have no rights is dreadfully simplistic. They helped conceive a human being. I’m a lesbian who one day hopes to raise children with her partner, but I’d never attempt to deny the birth father rights to his child to make things easier for me and my girlfriend. I know what it feels like to know you will never meet one of the people who helped give you life, for reasons completely out of your control – and it’s unfair to the children.
That sounds very right.
Ellie, you have no right to make a decision for the child. I do not agree with anonymous sperm donations. If the child wants to know their biological father, it is not for two Lesbians – or anyone else – to deny him or her that information. It may be convenient to pretend that two women (or men) had a baby on their own but it isn’t true or fair. Many people are naturally want to know their biological roots.
If they don’t want to help by anonymously donating, then they shouldn’t offer in the first place.
One does not make philanthropic offerings with strings and conditions attached. If you can’t handle that, don’t do it.
Note the use of the word ‘donate’ not lend or borrow. When you ‘donate’ sperm you give it up, you don’t get it back at a later date. It’s absolutely ridiculous, time and time again things like this keep cropping up. IF YOU WANT KIDS, have your goddamn own. IF YOU WANT TO HELP SOMEONE OUT, period, then donate sperm. Jesus, simple as.
Not simple. Simplistic.
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This is bang out of order.
All this will do is frighten people off.
The service should be offered anonymously and without and means of traceability.
I hope it does frighten people off. Creating a child, even from a distance, is a serious matter that needs to be thought through. It is a responsibility.
Nobody ever thought it otherwise, but two people wanting to genuinely start a family but not having the necessary biological means does not mean they are irresponsible.
What’s more, they don’t need a third party showing up years later to interfere with the process. When people donate, they should expect to know where their donations are precisely going, be that financial or otherwise.
*Sorry, should NOT.
The flip side of this situation is happening here in the US. A lesbian couple used sperm donated by gay friend to create their family and later they split up. Now the bio mom has gone to court to sue gay friend for child support
From what I’ve heard, that’s actually a lie. This shit crops up all the time, to be used as homophobic and misogynistic (notice how it’s always male sperm donors being victimised, not female surrogates) propaganda.
What actually happens is that the state won’t acknowledge the ex as a parent because they don’t acknowledge same-sex partnerships. But, the American government will obviously do all in its power to save a buck by withholding benefits wherever it can, therefore it uses the sperm donors as scapegoats and withdraws the child support from them.
And then newspapers go and falsely report on this crap and people unwittingly spread it around. The mothers have nothing to do with this crap.
Actually you are wrong. The lesbian couple (now separated) are not suing the man – they are speaking to DEFEND him. It is the STATE who are trying to reclaim the money he would have paid as child support – this money is not for the child or the women, but for state expenses. Not only that, but in being wrong, you are scaring men who would potentially help their friends (and likewise women who would help gay male friends.)