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Comment: The challenges and merits of being young & Gay

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  1. Greg Cox writes about what it’s like to be Greg Cox, who may also happen be gay and teenager, but he is surely not speaking on behalf of gays or teenagers. Isn’t that the whole point of his article? Has anyone at PN read what he has written before releasing it on the website?

    1. I dont get you? Ure not having a go at this guy simply for writing about the way he sees things are you?

      1. Well, Greg himself is denying that gay defines him, but is only a part of him. So, I’m not having a go at him, but just pointing out that he is not writing about what it’s like to be “a gay teenager” (generalizing here), since everyone has different experiences, aspirations and opinions, as Greg himself has pointed out a few of his own. Greg writes only about Greg, and Greg alone can identify with Greg’s what/where-abouts. Now from my point of view, it appears that Greg is having some problems with the gay tag, and that is another story… which could well stem from what his environment has being throwing at him…

    2. Paul Essex/London 19 Nov 2012, 6:00pm

      The article headings is “what it’s like for A gay teenager” not ALL. None of us can write about anybody else’s experiences with any real authenticity and he doesn’t try to. That’s why it’s a Comment article. He’s a young man who’s brave enough to publicly talk about the issues that most of us shut away for so long that the details are fading but the pain’s and issues are still there, so why don’t you acknowledge him with the respect he deserves.

      1. Where am I desrespecting him? I’m just saying he is not speaking on behalf “gay teenagers”. He himself has hinted at some point in his article that he is having some doubts about the use of the word gay in relation to himself. Now that is something we could talk about… gently…

        1. Paul Essex/London 20 Nov 2012, 12:28am

          I think your interpretation of his article says more about your own problems than it does about his.

          1. “being gay is still a part of me but it is more who I love rather than who I am.”

            How do you interpret the above? You should ask him WHEN being gay is “a part of” him. I’d expect a gay person to say being gay is a 24/7 condition, but that is not what comes out of his writing, where he compares being gay to hobbies and other interests he has.

        2. David Waite 20 Nov 2012, 2:07am

          Beberts, you came to this Comment’s comment thread to lie.
          You state, “He himself has hinted at some point in his article that he is having some doubts about the use of the word gay in relation to himself.” That statement from you is a lie.
          He stated, “I once felt that being gay was the only thing that defined me, it doesn’t have to be. I now have knowledge of science, music and art. I have interests and hobbies; being gay is still a part of me but it is more who I love rather than who I am.”
          Only a mentally impaired person or a malicious person could twist what he wrote into what you claim he said. Whichever is the explanation for you, language and comprehension deficiency or deliberate mal-interpretation, you are promulgating a witting or unwitting lie.

          1. “being gay is still a part of me but it is more who I love rather than who I am.”

            How do you interpret the above? You should ask him WHEN being gay is “a part of” him. I’d expect a gay person to say being gay is a 24/7 condition, but that is not what comes out of his writing, where he compares being gay to hobbies and other interests he has.

    3. Berberts – I don’t think you quite get it. This article is actually pretty representative. I’m a gay teenager. I feel isolated and alone. I feel that sex ed was useless. And letting being gay define you is a VERY real danger. Because you know something? I don’t want to be ‘that gay guy’. I don’t want to be the faggot in upper 6th. I want to be the talented actor, theatre designer and computer geek that I know I can be. I want to be me. Being gay is a part of that, but no more than having blue eyes, or brown hair.

      1. Matt, the feeling of isolation and loneliness is genderless, ageless and isn’t associated to any sexual orientation. You have to think. Why do you think being associated with gayness is dangerous? Perhaps because you become a target? You are not alone in that field. Well, the truth is… the problem is not you, but those who would target you simply for being gay. You shouldn’t feel threatened for being gay, and surely shouldn’t feel worried of openly showing your sexual orientation anywhere you are, in the school, the theatre, in work, in front of computer screen etc etc. Don’t worry too much, things will slowly improve, and even if someone comes into your life and start shining the shoes for you, don’t wait, expect or rely on them to keep doing so. Communication and mutual understanding are key to any relationship.

        1. Berberts has clearly never been gay in school …

          1. The joys and the misery of those who aren’t out at school aren’t that much different. We as a community will slowly gain more acceptance, but most importantly we need to accept ourselves. There is help out there.

  2. None of your business 19 Nov 2012, 5:16pm

    The point of writing this is to give one opinion,not necessarily a unanimous one because I’m sure everyone has different opinions! I think it’s simply to highlight how a negative experience can become a positive influence.

  3. This is a really well written, nice article. I feel sad that Greg is going through what I went through at school. I found it very moving and I hope he knows that despite the isolation, it does get better and you soon meet lots of people who do not care what sexuality you have. Gay, bi, straight, trans, whatever, there are loads of people who will like, respect and love you regardless.

    Good luck Greg and stay strong!

  4. ‘Merits’~? That’s the wrong word.. There are no ‘merits’ of being gay….

    By all means vote me down; but please, for your own sake, be sure to also check the dictionary at some point.

    1. de Villiers 19 Nov 2012, 6:19pm

      Of course there are merits of being gay. I, for one, would not seek to change and feel that my sexuality informs much more of my personality than many others would admit of themselves despite being in an outwardly conventional PACS with an adopted son. My sense of sex and therefore attraction, art, aesthetics, politics are all affected. It adds to the rich sense and variety of my life.

      Vive la différence.

      1. Merit doesn’t just mean positive thing~

        1. merit
          noun
          [mass noun]the quality of being particularly good or worthy, especially so as to deserve praise or reward; [count noun] a good feature or point; [count noun] a pass grade in an examination denoting above-average performance (OED Online)

          I think you’ll find it does.

          1. Naa, it means the following things instead:-

            Claim to respect and praise; excellence; worth.

            Something that deserves or justifies a reward or commendation; a commendable quality, act, etc.

            Often, merits. the state or fact of deserving;

    2. Dave North 19 Nov 2012, 8:24pm

      There are many merits being gay.

      1. Empathy with others not thought of as the ideal.
      2. Were generally more intelligent, as we see through the lie that is deemed as society.
      3. We can rest assured that we are not breeding like rabbits thus adding to an over populated planet.
      4. We can see through the poison that is religion given that they spend their efforts in life spitting on us.
      5. I will love whom I love and I dont need no deity or politician to tell me whom.

      4.

      1. Haha

        Ye ok, I was wrong. Those are merits~ (:

  5. de Villiers 19 Nov 2012, 6:12pm

    I’ve said in other message boards that arguments don’t necessarily improve with repetition. I have also read countless arguments by gay teenagers.

    However, we can forget that gay life, meaning and culture cannot be taught or handed-down by parents. Young gay people must discover it for themselves. The more that the particular stories of different and varied individuals is repeated, the easier it becomes for people to come-out as themselves, whoever they are.

  6. Well done for sharing your story. Good luck and solidarity!

    If I could say one thing….
    ‘never live for others any more than others would live for you’

  7. Dangermouse 19 Nov 2012, 9:07pm

    I think he would fell much better if he had a good shag !

  8. I’m a gay 17 year old who’s out at college and I’ve had nothing but support since I came out. Not that it was much of a surprise being camp anyway haha.

    1. I hope you realise how fortunate you are. A generation ago that would have been almost impossible. Indeed, it still is in most parts of the world.

      1. Hell not even a generation ago, it was like that only 5 years ago for me

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